Fake marriage

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32 year marriage, 3 grown kids (1 at home). OH was made redundant 3.5 years ago, he has now turned 60 and has given up any pretence that he might consider looking for work, no discussion. We have never had a joint account, his decision when we married, he wanted to pay mortgage and council tax and told me to pay the rest, I guess in his mind it meant the property was his although of course it's not. We have moved house twice but not had a mortgage for 10 years, partly due to inheritances on his side. We have both worked all the way through but I did a few years p/t when the kids were pre-school. He never contributed to child care costs, kids clothes, presents etc. Now he's not working he's No1 dad, DIY, waiting in for deliveries etc. in their homes.

We have no "couples" friends, only individual because he knows what other people think of him. We used to see his school friends with wives but now he sees them a couple of times a year on their own.

Is it worth calling it quits and trying to enjoy what's left of life although I know my kids would blame me?
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  • Marges
    Marges Posts: 22 Forumite
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    Should say if we sell family home we could both buy something smaller.
  • Tigsteroonie
    Tigsteroonie Posts: 24,954 Forumite
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    You make no mention in your opening post of how you feel about him now, and how he feels about you.
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
  • Marges
    Marges Posts: 22 Forumite
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    Not sure how I feel, he has always been very critical of me but excused it by saying I had no sense of humour. He has completely let himself go which is part of why he doesn't want to see people.
  • davenport151
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    Is the house in both your names?
    Back on the trains again!



  • Jemima_FuddleCup
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    The grass in not always greener..
    taking a self-enforced break from this forum due to the persistent and ongoing troll problem, and the systematic abuse of the report button system in order to get people/usernames banned
  • motivated
    motivated Posts: 3,044 Forumite
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    What do you mean when you say 'he knows what other people think of him'
    Emptying my lake with a teaspoon
  • Marges
    Marges Posts: 22 Forumite
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    Yes I assume so, it was certainly a joint mortgage when we bought it. Question is do I want to be on my own mid 50's or continue what looks like a comfortable marriage from the outside?
  • Marges
    Marges Posts: 22 Forumite
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    What do you mean when you say 'he knows what other people think of him'

    He had a privelaged education but was always the joker, lots of friends but as time went on he was always the poor relation and he knows he didn't take his chances.
  • Tigsteroonie
    Tigsteroonie Posts: 24,954 Forumite
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    Marges wrote: »
    Not sure how I feel, he has always been very critical of me but excused it by saying I had no sense of humour. He has completely let himself go which is part of why he doesn't want to see people.
    Long-winded, I presume you mean "I don't love him any more". And yet you don't seem to want to say that, it's not in your OP and I've had to push you.
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
  • motivated
    motivated Posts: 3,044 Forumite
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    Do you still love him?

    Have you mentioned to him about maybe doing some things together every so often. Maybe it could put the spark back.

    It's easy to get stuck in a rut when you have been together so long.
    Emptying my lake with a teaspoon
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