Spouse contributing nothing to bills

Jemima_FuddleCup

imaginary_binary wrote: »

2 kids both above 5 and both ours. Sorry not sure what OP is.

OP is what we call the person who started a thread. (Original Poster)

Oh right, sorry I got the impression some children might have been hers by another man and some yours. If they're both over 5 she would be expected to be looking for work if she were claiming benefits. Sounds like she's not really cut out for a life of domesticity, by what you've written, anyway, so might do her good to get out of the house.

McKneff

Why not ask her to move out and leave the kids with you.

Only then will you see how much she actually 'cobtributes'
You willhave sole responsibility for the household
Cooking, cleaning, washing, paying, school run, and a thousand other things.
Oh, and going out to work of course to enable you to pay the bills.
You'll be begging her to come back within a month.

You need to stop with the 'poor me' thinking

imaginary_binary

McKneff wrote: »

Why not ask her to move out and leave the kids with you.

Only then will you see how much she actually 'cobtributes'
You willhave sole responsibility for the household
Cooking, cleaning, washing, paying, school run, and a thousand other things.
Oh, and going out to work of course to enable you to pay the bills.
You'll be begging her to come back within a month.

You need to stop with the 'poor me' thinking

And replace it with what?

I have asked her to move out, go to stay with her parents, many times, she won't leave... I am pretty sure I can hire a cleaner to do all her chores who will cost me less. At least it won't be under the false pretence of a hollow marriage.

I'm not here to rant anyway and even if you're right that she contributes more than I'm making out my question is more to do with if I leave and I only pay the mortgage and kids bills then does that still mean at a divorce stage she is likely to get half of everything I have?

It seems to me there is no actual reason or benefit in her having to find work if she knows that at divorce stage she will get half the house and whatever else I have. In other words if she doesn't want to be married to me there is no incentive in changing things as she'll get it all regardless. In this case I'm tempted to just let her half half of everything now so as not to drag this out.

Comms69

imaginary_binary wrote: »

Not sure what your point is here.

Marriage is a contract where your assets become jointly owned.


Everything I have I give to you etc...

Comms69

imaginary_binary wrote: »

And replace it with what?

I have asked her to move out, go to stay with her parents, many times, she won't leave... I am pretty sure I can hire a cleaner to do all her chores who will cost me less. At least it won't be under the false pretence of a hollow marriage.

I'm not here to rant anyway and even if you're right that she contributes more than I'm making out my question is more to do with if I leave and I only pay the mortgage and kids bills then does that still mean at a divorce stage she is likely to get half of everything I have? Not I, WE! do you not grasp the basics of marriage?

It seems to me there is no actual reason or benefit in her having to find work if she knows that at divorce stage she will get half the house and whatever else I have. In other words if she doesn't want to be married to me there is no incentive in changing things as she'll get it all regardless. In this case I'm tempted to just let her half half of everything now so as not to drag this out.

She'll probably get more than half. In fact I suspect if you have a decent pension, she'll get the vast majority / all of the home.

Jemima_FuddleCup

imaginary_binary wrote: »

So basically she gets the kids ready for school and then picks them up at 3. In between she cooks nothing and the only cleaning she does is in the kitchen when she feels like it.

she stays for free in the house basically like a housekeeper who completely ignores me when I walk through the door.

she is happier on Netflix and ipad ordering more shoes and random things for the house which we don't even need.

time for a tune

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH-i8IvYIcg

Gavin83

What are you actually asking here? If your question is 'will she get 50% of your shared assets' then yes, she will. Everything you own is as much hers as yours. In fact there's a fair chance she'll get more than 50% of the assets, she has the kids to look after and presumably less earning potential.

maman

Comms69 wrote: »

She'll probably get more than half. In fact I suspect if you have a decent pension, she'll get the vast majority / all of the home.

Sadly I think this is true but I do have sympathy for you OP.


It sounds to me that Your partner has made a lifestyle choice to be an (almost) lady of leisure while you are working hard to finance this.


I can see that when the children were preschool there might have been an argument for one of you staying at home rather than pay for childcare but now they're at school then she's just being kept IMO. You'd still need some childcare but that's true of all families with children. It doesn't mean that the mother should just sit around watching TV.


To add another perspective, her lifestyle does sound incredibly pointless and boring. It could be that she's got herself into a depressing downward spiral of the less she does, the less she wants to do. Was she ever more interesting/interested company? Have you talked to her about your lives?

thorsoak

imaginary_binary wrote: »

Completely agree with you - I want her to work, spend time with her friends, go out without me and the kids etc but she's got every excuse not to.

Not having any money of her own is probably the reason that she does not go out. Have you spoken about the sharing of the household duties and the payment for childcare should she get a job?

VintageHistorian

If she's struggling to leave the house, even for days out with the kids, then frankly it sounds like she might be depressed. Especially if she picked up, long ago, your feelings that she contributes nothing to the house and is just a lazy waste of space you keep finding on the sofa.

All things aside, this should be something you talk to a solicitor about. At the end of the day you're only giving the very briefest of information to people on here and only reluctantly explaining more (i.e. age of the children) when forum members begin pressing you for them. A solicitor will ask for ALL the information before they give you a proper legal opinion. And by all information I mean things like how long you've been married, how long you've owned the house, did she work and contribute before you had children, how much is your pension, how much is her pension if she was working before kids, house value and how much she contributed before leaving work etc etc.

These are all important pieces of context that you will be required to divulge. You can't just go to a solicitor and go "my lazy good-for-nothing wife won't return to work, I want to boot her out of the house and not give her anything", and have the solicitor go "of course sir, we'll get sorted for you right away" (well...not if they're a good solicitor that actually knows what they're doing). But yes, generally a 50% split is the standard, plus you'll pay maintenance for the children (unless you retain majority custody) and you may find that the judge orders that the marital home be retained so as not to disrupt the children too much (you'll then have permission to sell it once the youngest turns 18). This can all depend on the length of the marriage, age of children etc etc etc.

Should you kick out the wife and retain full custody of the children (unlikely even though you seem to think that's the solution) then I suspect you'd soon have a short, sharp shock at what that actually entails. You'll be the one getting up at 2am when the eldest starts throwing up copiously due to the stomach bug they caught at school. You'll be the one getting told, at 5pm in the evening, that tomorrow is World Book Day and the youngest has to go in costume for it. When the school phones you at lunchtime to say that one of your kids has run head first in to a wall, could you come and pick them up, I don't think your boss will be particularly understanding (although you might be lucky the first time).

You can however start paying a lot more for a childminder, or for breakfast and after school clubs (cheaper, but again you're responsible for picking the kids up when they're ill at school, they won't keep them there if they're throwing up or have an upset tummy, and for any kind of stomach bug they'll insist the child be off for 48 hours to ensure they don't pass it around the rest of the class). Oh and don't forget school holidays - 2 weeks each at Christmas and Easter and 6 weeks in the summer, does your employer offer 10 weeks of annual leave? Do you know what it's like to have the children home for six weeks in the summer holidays? There's a reason why parents feel a bit relieved when September rolls around.

Let's also not forget birthdays, Christmas, school trips, dentist and doctors appointments, any clubs or sports teams the kids want to join when they're older, PE kits, homework supervision, playdates with other kids from school, emergency run to Clarks when school shoes suddenly fall apart, the aforementioned last minute costume for a school event, and probably a dozen other things that have to be dealt with to get kids to the right place, at the right time, with all the right equipment.

Personally I think you're so obsessed with your wife not contributing cold hard cash that you're turning a blind eye to all the things a stay at home parent does. Sure, you can probably convince her to go back to full time employment and start bringing in some funds. But I suspect that the swing back on that is that you'll have to start doing 50% of the childcare. Or, as mentioned, start spending a lot of money on external help for the kids.

But I'd recommend that you start reading up on some of the symptoms of depression and maybe suggest to your wife that a trip to the GP might be a good idea, along with some marriage counselling.