Spouse contributing nothing to bills

imaginary_binary

I pay all bills whilst wife looks after kids. However relationship is in trouble n really gone downhill to point where I want out. I feel like I'm paying all but at home get the cold shoulder for the most minor things and therefore she doesn't want to be with me.

Reading around I see she will probably get her 50% of the house, despite contributing nothing to bills and showing no desire to. I want to continue paying so kids and I have something but then I think that if I move out why should I pay for her too.

If she's likely to end up with half of everything anyway then is there any point in me trying to plan and build for the future until this thing is sorted? I do feel resentful that she would get half of everything despite not putting in 50% effort. But then again I just want a clean break can't do with the endless fights any more.

LilElvis

imaginary_binary wrote: »

I pay all bills whilst wife looks after kids. However relationship is in trouble n really gone downhill to point where I want out. I feel like I'm paying all but at home get the cold shoulder for the most minor things and therefore she doesn't want to be with me.

Reading around I see she will probably get her 50% of the house, despite contributing nothing to bills and showing no desire to. I want to continue paying so kids and I have something but then I think that if I move out why should I pay for her too.

If she's likely to end up with half of everything anyway then is there any point in me trying to plan and build for the future until this thing is sorted? I do feel resentful that she would get half of everything despite not putting in 50% effort. But then again I just want a clean break can't do with the endless fights any more.

She is contributing to the household - she's looking after your children. Have a look and see how much it would cost for you to put them into a paid nursery/ childminder. She doubtlessly also shops, cooks, cleans and does the laundry.

GreenQueen

If your wife was working, and therefore able to put income into the relationship, you'd probably be spending most of it on childcare - that is what she is contributing to the relationship. You don't say how old the children are - small children can be very hard work, more than a full time job.

Your relationship issues need to be addressed separately from the financial issues. If she's at home with children all day, she probably misses adult company, and may be feeling unappreciated. Time for a full and frank discussion, with listening on both sides.

Comms69

imaginary_binary wrote: »

I pay all bills whilst wife looks after kids. However relationship is in trouble n really gone downhill to point where I want out. I feel like I'm paying all but at home get the cold shoulder for the most minor things and therefore she doesn't want to be with me.

Reading around I see she will probably get her 50% of the house, despite contributing nothing to bills and showing no desire to. I want to continue paying so kids and I have something but then I think that if I move out why should I pay for her too.

If she's likely to end up with half of everything anyway then is there any point in me trying to plan and build for the future until this thing is sorted? I do feel resentful that she would get half of everything despite not putting in 50% effort. But then again I just want a clean break can't do with the endless fights any more.

You know this whole marriage thing... you remember that?


What words did you say on that day?....

imaginary_binary

LilElvis wrote: »

She is contributing to the household - she's looking after your children. Have a look and see how much it would cost for you to put them into a paid nursery/ childminder. She doubtlessly also shops, cooks, cleans and does the laundry.

I knew someone would point this out. She does those things although not the shopping which I do. So basically she gets the kids ready for school and then picks them up at 3. In between she cooks nothing and the only cleaning she does is in the kitchen when she feels like it. Also they are not just my children, they are hers as well so it's not like she is doing me a huge favour. In return she stays for free in the house basically like a housekeeper who completely ignores me when I walk through the door. I agree with you she is contributing but I don't feel it's a fair split in terms of effort. Whereas I am worrying about how to pay the bills and so on she is happier on Netflix and ipad ordering more shoes and random things for the house which we don't even need. That's why I feel it's unfair for her to claim on half the house when she isn't contributing half. I just feel like it's not the 1950s anymore, women are just as capable as men as working and bringing something to the house but she won't even walk to the shops and she will never take the bus. Infact I take kids to their classes, I do all the shopping even if I ask her to come with us, she seems to just want to watch TV or go out on her own never with us.

Abbafan1972

How can she contribute to the bills if she's not working?

As others have said, she looks after the children which would cost an arm and a leg if they went to childminders/nursery etc and you probably wouldn't be any better off.

You can't have it both ways.

imaginary_binary

Comms69 wrote: »

You know this whole marriage thing... you remember that?


What words did you say on that day?....

Not sure what your point is here.

imaginary_binary

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

How can she contribute to the bills if she's not working?

As others have said, she looks after the children which would cost an arm and a leg if they went to childminders/nursery etc and you probably wouldn't be any better off.

You can't have it both ways.

I understand what you're saying. I guess I don't want her to contribute to the bills as such, that's only an issue as the marriage is on the rocks and she has decided to check out of the relationship.

However what I am thinking is if we do split and I leave how on earth is she going to work then? I can pay for the mortgage and kids but I can't be expected to pay all her bills.

Jemima_FuddleCup

How old are her children, OP, and how many are hers and yours?

imaginary_binary

GreenQueen wrote: »

Your relationship issues need to be addressed separately from the financial issues. If she's at home with children all day, she probably misses adult company, and may be feeling unappreciated. Time for a full and frank discussion, with listening on both sides.

Completely agree with you - I want her to work, spend time with her friends, go out without me and the kids etc but she's got every excuse not to.

imaginary_binary

Jemima_FuddleCup wrote: »

How old are her children, OP, and how many are hers and yours?

2 kids both above 5 and both ours. Sorry not sure what OP is.