Advice on girlfriend needed

crv1963

I'd suggest a multiple approach to this.

Sit her down and discuss with her in a none judgmental way, tell her that you know she is still grieving, but that the finances are a burden to you and that you are feeling its' effects on you now, which is in turn impacting on you as a couple.

Does she have other signs of depression? Poor sleep, loss of appetite or comfort eating, loss of libido, tearfulness, poor motivation and poor self care, loss of interest in previous hobbies/ activities. If so suggest visit to GP, contacting CRUISE or accessing help for herself, sell it to her with the intent to help you both as a couple.

Everyone grieves differently, but the shock, anger, guilt are all common themes. The firsts are hard, first Christmas, Birthday, celebration the loved one misses.

Whittlehill

Thanks for the advice everyone

heartbreak_star

Good luck

HBS x

engineer_amy

OP - I have been there and might be able to offer some thoughts from your girlfriend's perspective, if in fact it is related to the death of her father.
I was extremely close to my dad and when he died last year it was like plunging into a huge sucking pulsing void. nothing seemed to matter anymore. I didn't want to go out, stopped taking care in my appearance, put on a significant amount of weight from comfort eating.
The only thing that stopped me from falling over the edge was my job, and the fact that I had to turn up there everyday. I had to put a façade up for the people I worked with to stop them asking too many questions. This is the only thing I can see as stopping me falling into a more serious depression.

No amount of money could have helped me.
It took about 4 months before I snapped myself out of it, got out of my head and started concentrating on "getting back to normal". I didn't get any counselling or see my GP - maybe that would have sped up the process. I felt I couldn't really talk to my friends about mental health either. All I did was start weight loss program. Forced myself to go to the gym, see people other than my close friends and colleagues. Exercise truly helps, although its difficult to get the initial motivation to do it. Focussing on me and my body gave me something positive to concentrate on rather than what I had lost.


I would suggest her talking to a counsellor and possibly trying to find a hobby or project that she can focus on for the time being.

paddy's_mum

It sounds as though the one thing the two of you are not doing is communicating. Without that, you have nothing and your house is built on sand.

Talk, OP, don't guess, then talk some more and then keep right on talking. Nothing else comes close as a way to fix things that are actually worth keeping. Good luck.

Poppy1984

Without knowing her I can only make guesses, it sounds like she's suffering from depression possibly brought on by the death of her father. When I lost my Mam in my late 20s that's when I started to get into debt. Sounds like she's been blowing the money she received from her dad as a way of dealing with what's happened.
However that doesn't mean you have to "keep her" time to have a sit down and a chat, sounds like you love her and want to help but not sure how to go about it, so I'd start with that.

I love you, I want to help but I'm not sure how, we can't afford to live off solely my wage alone but you don't seem to be getting anywhere on the job hunting. Staying in the house for long periods of time on your own isn't healthy and can be a sign of depression I think it would help if you went to see a doctor.

davidwood681

I'm going to sound harsh saying this OP but at some point you're going to have to say enough is enough.

I've been in a similar situation and ended things.

Someone came along who didn't have any baggage. Things were so much easier and fun.

She isn't your problem to fix. Be there for her but don't put your life on hold and risk missing out on someone more suited to you.

No-name_2

I suggest you read up on men going their own way (MGTOW)

System

No-name wrote: »

I suggest you read up on men going their own way (MGTOW)

I'm sure the OP really needs brainwashing into hating women .......

Uxb

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

I'm sure the OP really needs brainwashing into hating women .......

That is Incel's not MGTOW's
Incel - standing for "Involuntary Celibate" are men who have been rejected by every woman every time for whatever reason they come up with on the day and as a result as you say hate all women.

MGTOW's
They have totally given up and are simply not interested in all the games and maneuvers necessary to start and maintain a relationship. Things like at the start women like you have lots of friends - to give them option possibilities for an alternative boyfriend- whereas once in a relationship they hate you having friends - lest it might you might have the same options.
So MGTOW's just ignore women from a relationship point of view while being quite happy being friends with them.