Advice on girlfriend needed

Whittlehill

Thanks everyone.

To respond to some of your points...

The money was from her father who she was very close to.

There were some small credit card debts but I've seen the statements for years and there was nothing that major.

I actually think all this stems from the death of her father but there's only so much i can do to help her. It comes to a point where you have to want the help.

We have talked about children and both want them. The money, in my eyes, would have been put to better use if whe had used it to benefit that future child.

Do people get professional help if youre always suggesting it though?

Gavin83

Has she always been a bit lazy or is this a new thing? Potentially the loss could have hit her pretty hard and she may be suffering from depression, or maybe now you've been living together for a bit she feels she can just be a kept woman.

Personally I'd be sitting her down and having a serious discussion with her, asking her if she's ok, what her plans are and explain you'll need to cut back financially, that you're struggling and you need to find a solution. I do agree with the others that blowing £60k in 3 months is extremely unusual and it could well be a sign of depression.

However ultimately if she's unwilling to get help or get another job, in your shoes I'd be seriously reviewing if the relationship was worth continuing.

Whittlehill

Never saw her as lazy and there's never been a point where she didn't have a job.

The fact that a few of you mention depression confirms what I'd feared.

dawyldthing

I don’t think it would harm a visit to the gp. But you need to stipulate that you can’t keep her. I’m female and I couldn’t imagine being kept or would want to be kept, for pride and so it’s not thrown in my face.

Ask her what she wants in the next year. Might open up the door to conversation tbh

getmore4less

You could go extreme

Pull the plug on any money

Pay the bills to keep your house but that's it.
don't cover any of her bills, car, phone etc.
Even consider cutting back on what food you buy for the house just the basics(you can still have nice stuff).

if bought and have a mortgage, get a value for the place the day she stopped contributing to any mortgage you need to establish the equitable shares at that point.

Voyager2002

I agree with the comments above: an appointment with her GP is the starting point.

She left to pursue "other interests": any idea what they were? Does she have any enthusiasm for any such interests? Is there anything you can do to help get her interested in them again?

Marvel1

Time to leave her.

PasturesNew

Sounds like grieving, so depression stemming from that.

Not a word that you need be afraid of .... this type she'll "get over" "easily enough" ... it's not as if she has a natural tendency and genetic leaning towards it.

When a parent dies there are all sorts of emotions and thoughts... what I did, what I could've done, never get it back, wish I'd done more, not here, can't see this, won't ever buy them X or go to Y with them, no returning to "the norm" ever....

Parents have been an omnipresent backdrop to your life - they're immortal. We plod on day by day, they're just there.... then BAM ... they're not ... and all sorts of stuff hits you.

Stick with it....

gomer

Marvel1 wrote: »

Time to leave her.

My thoughts perzactly

Bigphil1474

OP, I'm not normally one to give relationship advice, but I had a similar experience many years ago, and we got through it and are still together. Sounds like you love her, and if your relationship is worth fighting for, then that's what you do. If you can't have an honest conversation about it with her, then you're gonna struggle either way. I had to sit down with my partner and work through everything in our relationship and decide if we wanted to stay together, and agree how we wanted to be together. She cut her hours at work as it was doing her head in, and I contributed to the bills more as I was then on a better wage. We made sure we could afford it, and we planned our lives together as much as we can. Didn't all go to plan, but we are still together and happy to be so.
If it was me, I'd tell her that she can have Christmas, then in the New Year she needs to be looking for a job, if that's what she wants. Definitely ask about the money. I had a gambling problem and blew thousands, and that was a difficult conversation. It was worth it though as I got help, and we are now financially sound. Not suggesting she has a gambling problem, but like others have said, it isn't rational spending.