Advice on girlfriend needed

Whittlehill

Hi everyone, newbie here so plesse go easy

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years, both in our late 20's, currently lived together for 2 years.

Earlier this year she quir her job which she started to hate to pursue other interests. The job she left was well paid and we were on a similar salary.

Around the same time she inherited some money, just short of 60k, and had planned to invest or save it.

Fast forward 3 months and she has spent all the inherited money and has made no effort in finding another job.

The reason for the thread is can anyone give me advice on how to handle the situation. It's becoming more of an issue to me because I'm starting to resent her due to me now having 100% of the bills to pay.

She spends days without leaving the house and seems to just want to watch tv with our cat.

Fyi the money was spent entirely on things for herself and even if we went out for a meal she expected me to pay.

Thanks in advance

Comms69

Have you spoken to her?


Unless you're ready for kids this isn't going to work long term

greatgimpo

I would have gone by now - have her cake and eat it?

Whittlehill

Comms69

Yes, I've spoke to her a few times but it's getting to the point now where I think im nagging her.

Obviously there's a part of me that thinks this is all something more serious, eg depression, but I know staying in all day can't help that.

She has said she will find a new job but because I'm supporting her she probably thinks there's no rush.

Before we went where we wanted and bought what we wanted. Now we're down an income I've had to scale back, which i didn't mind at first, but now it's knawing at me.

heartbreak_star

If it's depression, she needs to see a doctor (although having depression myself, I can honestly say not having money makes it so much worse!)

If she's just lazy, it's time for her to cut back on spending your money. She wants to eat out - nope. Can't afford it. Wants to buy new clothes? Nope - can't afford it. If she won't sit down and talk, this is likely the way forward.

HBS x

System

60k in three months!!! What on earth has she bought?

heartbreak_star

andydownes123 wrote: »

60k in three months!!! What on earth has she bought?

New cars? Expensive clothes/accessories? If she likes labels she could easily blow a few thousand on a shopping trip...

HBS x

Whittlehill

Andydownes

The only thing i see of any value would be her watch.

pmlindyloo

Who was the inheritance from - was it from someone close?

To spend £60K in 3 months is unusual to say the least. What exactly did she spend it on?

Late 20s and spending days never leaving the house is also unusual.

You need to get to the bottom of this. It could be depression and this needs to be ruled out or she needs to see a doctor - possibly needing counselling if she is mourning.

It is possible that she blew the money and went wild as a result of hating her job and 'took a holiday' from the 'real world'. It is then easy to slob around when someone else is paying the bills.

If you think this is the case then start with 'I love you and understand why you needed time to 'take a break' whilst you had the money to do so but I can't support you financially forever. How can I help?'

Just seen your post...……….. HAs she started gambling? Did she have debts that you knew nothing about and has paid them? Has she actually put the money away and not told you? ASK HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are a couple and shouldn't be hiding important things from each other.

nyermen

Without wanting to pry - the inheritence was, I presume, from a relative? I'm wondering if that has had a bigger impact maybe than admitted?
This does sound sadly like she needs some professional help (be it on the above, or if im wrong, then towards job hunting), but then I've also heard from others how hard it can be to get motivated on the job front etc and it only gets worse over time. (I say others as I've been very lucky to not have been made redundant).

In any case, things are unlikely to change/get better without some influence. On the relationship front, only you know how things are between you in all the various areas (and I dont want to ask the obvious questions). One though - is there any chance she's thinking towards babies and one income?

On the bills front, as others have said, I'd say cut back and make it clear that things are tight until the future. I should say that 60k is a lot to spend on things for oneself - Has she bought stuff for the house etc. that maybe she feels she is contributing?

Whittlehill

HBS, she does like her labels. It's all beyond me though so I can't comment on their value