Champagne Lifestyle on a Lemonade Budget.

lessonlearned

Ah ska lover......you must be feeling such mixed emotions, pride that "little un" has carved such a successful, productive and happy life and yet......a little melancholy that you are no longer the most important woman in his life.

Such is our fate when we are the mother of sons.....:rotfl: we are no longer the Queen Bee, no longer taking centre stage. We have to step back with charm and good grace and let our sons enjoy their new roles as an adult partner with the new woman in their lives.

It's a hard transition to make. I think much harder than letting a daughter go, although I'm sure fathers feel the same emotions about giving up their daughters to another man. I bet it's just as hard for dad's too,

Letting go is so difficult. We feel redundant but it's natures way.

As my mother used to say. "Our children are not ours to keep, we only get to borrow them for a while". Wise old bird my mum. :rotfl:

Whilst of course we are delighted that our children have grown into successful adults who have flown the nest and who are now soaring it's only natural that we feel lost and bereaved. We miss them, pure and simple. But we have to move forward, we have to rebuild, maybe even find a new purpose.

I think a weekend away with your husband sounds like an excellent plan. Something nice to look forward to, and a chance to re-engage with your husband.......a mini second honeymoon, a chance to rediscover each other.

I was due to visit my son and dil for her birthday tomorrow but she is still struggling with a virus and is feeling rather below par so we've cancelled. Never mind we will just have to make it up to her, hopefully this weekend. i do try to make her birthday special because it is so near Christmas, I don't want her to miss out.

Sheila....your conservatory sounds wonderful. I have always fancied one and I do actually have room for one here. Maybe one day.

Wednesday2000

((Hugs)) to all that need them on here.:grouphug:

I have come up with a budget plan for 2020, in fact I am starting it tomorrow when I set up our new regular savings account.

I thought I would get a head start to the new year.:T

No more mindless spending on Ama*on as we have overspent in every area this past year and a half. I have deleted everything from my wish list. No spending on there until the end of January at least and then I will review if we need anything.

I'm off to have a hot bath with the many bath and body products I own already. No buying any more until I have used them up.:)

I'm feeling very positive at the minute.:j

mrs_slapshot

I'm awake at silly o'clock, can't get back to sleep so have done a list of my Christmas 'still to do's' and thought I'd pop on to see what you are all up to.

LL - 'an open mind and an open heart', yes!! I am thinking of a dating website too, so scary but as you have said before I should pull on my big girl pants!! And I love the sound of your hall colour scheme.

Sugarbaby - thank you for your kind words!

Sheilavw- hugs to you. It sounds as though you will have plenty to do, and although it won't lessen the pain of your first Christmas on your own, you have so much love surrounding you. I hope you have a peaceful time. Your conservatory sounds fab too!

Ska lover - that is so lovely to hear how well things are going. I agree with LL that it's so hard to let our children go, but we can feel such a sense of pride in having supported them to find their own lives.

Wednesday - get you, having a head start on the new year with your budgeting plan! I love that you are feeling positive!

I actually really like the period just after Christmas, it's always a time for reflection and I do love a nice 'fresh start'. A chance to plan for the future, to (hopefully) rest and recuperate and prepare for January which for some reason I find difficult. We will shortly be turning the corner on the short days and long nights and we can start to look forward to spring, and lighter days.

This thread has been one of the highlights of my year. I have learned so much on here, but most of all I have loved the positive, supportive spirit. Thank you LL for starting it.

Love and hugs to all of you who have lost someone, or are missing someone, or otherwise going through a difficult time.

sheilavw

Thanks everyone for your kindness.

Ska Lover I know how you feel, when my youngest went off to Uni I was bereft! empty nest and all that, wasnt too bad with my eldest Daugther because had one at home to focus on. We never stop being Mums do we. I cannot tell you how much dog duties I do for the youngest!
Enjoy your day everyone.

Nearly the end of school term, kids ready for a break, just need to get to friday lunch and early finish:)

lessonlearned

Good morning everyone

Mrs S you are early,!! Hope you don't feel too tired later.

I'm just sat in bed, sipping my coffee. Nice and peaceful. I might treat myself to a radio at some point for bedtime listening. I sometimes listen to music in my iPad though if i can't sleep.

I am another one who uses "twixmas" to reflect and plan the year ahead, although I seem to have started early this year. I have already started my ideas folder, listing websites, addresses etc to contact to put my ideas into action. That way hopefully I will be less scatterbrained and more focussed.

Wednesday. Like you, I need to get to grips with my budget. I have overspent on the renovations, especially as I caved in and hired a decorator. I did want to do more myself but it was dragging on and on and I just want to get it finished. Plus of course I'm getting too decrepit and am not really comfortable with ladderwork these days.

Which is all well and good but I would like to replenish my savings. So next year I am going to pull my horns in a bit. I was very good in Sainsbury's yesterday, I managed to resist buying any clothes. I have had a few Am*zon spends (it's so easy). But on the whole I've been a bit more mindful.

I have done better with Christmas spends this year. Less frantic last minute panic buying for once. Next year I am aiming to put some of my creativity to better use and do more in the way of home made gifts but I just haven't had time this year. Im not going to beat myself up though. There are only so many hours in a day.

One of my plans next year is less "slothing" on the sofa watching mindless TV and more making and doing - again I'm not going to criticise myself for all the time I've wasted. I was locked in grief and a mild depression and got stuck in a rut.

(Which is why I started this thread):rotfl:

Thankfully I think I'm out of the doldrums now and ready to forge ahead. I won't forget my husband, he will always be in my heart but I'm ready to let go now.

One thing I really need to address is my finances. I really could do with upping my income, cost cutting will only get me so far. I would love a little business rather than a job working for someone else. I just Need to find some inspiration. :rotfl: but I think first things first I need to do some sort of computer course. I'm such a technophobe and I am not really au fait with modern office doings. I have been out of the workplace since 2006 and the world has moved on......

I have also decided there are a couple of other courses I fancy. The details are in the ideas folder to be examined more thoroughly in the new year.

Mrs S. .....like you I love a "Fresh Start" and I'm looking forward to what I hope will be an interesting and rewarding year.

Without wishing to get political I'm glad the general election is over, hopefully life can move forward now. There has been so much uncertainty that normal life seems to have been put on hold for so long with businesses stagnating unable to make plans and a stalling property market etc. It hasn't been the best of times to launch a new business.

On a positive note my weight loss has really paid dividends. Not only do I look and feel better my blood sugar levels have stabilised and I have kicked diabetes in the wotsits. I mustn't get complacent though, I am still slightly pre-diabetic so need to lose more weight but I shall tackle that too.

Looking forward to next year and my next challenge.

My "Year to Change My Life Part 2".

I really must think of a better title.......

Nargleblast

Another one here who is about to see their "baby" leave home. He's 21 and starts a new job in London early January. He'll be sharing a flat with a couple of mates. I'll miss him, but it is at it should be. I'll be on my own Christmas anyway, he's going to Thailand Saturday to stay with a friend and her family. Friday night we're having a meal with friends to celebrate the solstice, the start of the Christmas festivities, and to give him a good sendoff. I shall open the Rumtopf I started back in the summer, I bet the syrup is lethal!

Christmas Day I am at home, just me and the animals. That's how I want it this year. It will be nearly six months since my husband's death by then. I am working a couple of night shifts Christmas week, so will see plenty of other humans! I have gifts under the tree to unwrap, nice food and mini bottles of Prosecco, the Christmas telly magazine, a dog and cats to attend to.

Today I am continuing to enjoy the gifts in the Rituals Advent calendar I treated myself to. Then it's tackle the ironing then out with the dog, collecting greenery and berries and pine cones to add to the house decorations.

Christmas is what you choose to make it, and it will be fine.

Wednesday2000

I tried to open my new saver account over the phone last night but the young woman on the phone said you now have to do it with an app! My husband has downloaded the app and we can do that Friday as he is about to leave for his work Christmas party today and we both have GP appointments tomorrow.

I am looking at all the free things I get on Ama*on prime that I hardly ever use. I going to try and not buy any books next year as I get 10 free books to read at a time. I looked on my kindle and I have 54 books on my kindle at the moment so I really don't need any more!

I'm just doing some housework and I am reading a paper book about getting good quality sleep today. I can't even be bothered to get dressed. Pyjama day.:cool:

lessonlearned

Sleep...... I have been really struggling Lately. So I gave in and bought some magnesium citrate. My nutritionist recommended them last year to help me reboot my system. I had ran out and never bothered buying more. (Trying to save money). Anyway I have now been back on them for the last two days and I have slept really well again. A decent nights sleep makes such a difference.

I have also bought a big tub of Epsom salts to add to my bath, should help with the muscle pains and joint aches. They also seem to help with a good night's sleep.

Gawd I sound like a wreck:rotfl:

I have got Amazon Prime too and a couple of months ago I realised I wasn't taking full advantage of it. I've started using it more for films. I too didn't think about books or music but I'm going to get to grips with those as well.

I also realised I was buying things from Amazon without using the cash back facility.......silly me. So everything I've bought this week I have made sure to go through Top Cashback. Don't know if thats the best one but it's better than not bothering.

I have bought so much for the house over the past year I could have made a tidy little sum by now. Hey ho..... we live and learn.

Decorator has made a start in the hall but because it's not really the best painting weather it's not drying very quickly so he cant do any more today. I've put the dehumidifier in there to try and speed up the drying process so he can crack on tomorrow.

I have got a Spanish style pork and chorizo stew in the slow cooker. Smells yummy. I've also lit the fire in the kitchen diner so am nice and cosy whilst pottering about.

I worked out the ingredients for the stew came in at probably less than £3 and there's at least 4 portions in there, so feeling quite pleased with myself.

Nargleblast......good to see you are planning to treat yourself at Christmas. You are so right. Life is indeed what we make it. We can give up or we can bounce back.....the choice is ours.

In the sentiments of the film "Trainspotting". I am choosing life.:D.

ska_lover

lessonlearned wrote: »

Ah ska lover......you must be feeling such mixed emotions, pride that "little un" has carved such a successful, productive and happy life and yet......a little melancholy that you are no longer the most important woman in his life.

Such is our fate when we are the mother of sons.....:rotfl: we are no longer the Queen Bee, no longer taking centre stage. We have to step back with charm and good grace and let our sons enjoy their new roles as an adult partner with the new woman in their lives.

It's a hard transition to make. I think much harder than letting a daughter go, although I'm sure fathers feel the same emotions about giving up their daughters to another man. I bet it's just as hard for dad's too,

Letting go is so difficult. We feel redundant but it's natures way.

As my mother used to say. "Our children are not ours to keep, we only get to borrow them for a while". Wise old bird my mum. :rotfl:

Whilst of course we are delighted that our children have grown into successful adults who have flown the nest and who are now soaring it's only natural that we feel lost and bereaved. We miss them, pure and simple. But we have to move forward, we have to rebuild, maybe even find a new purpose.

I think a weekend away with your husband sounds like an excellent plan. Something nice to look forward to, and a chance to re-engage with your husband.......a mini second honeymoon, a chance to rediscover each other.

I was due to visit my son and dil for her birthday tomorrow but she is still struggling with a virus and is feeling rather below par so we've cancelled. Never mind we will just have to make it up to her, hopefully this weekend. i do try to make her birthday special because it is so near Christmas, I don't want her to miss out.

Sheila....your conservatory sounds wonderful. I have always fancied one and I do actually have room for one here. Maybe one day.

Exactly - today I feel more joyous that son is now living a much more fulfilled life - and like you say it is natures way. Like bitter sweet pill to take...I am more happy than sad - and well pretty much over it today

We never had a honeymoon - me and hubby, we have never been on holiday...we got married on the cheap, registry office. We just wanted to be married, we couldn't afford any frills

Little un has had a lot of hurdles to jump over and for a long time, coming on for nearly 30 yrs now.. it seemed that a normal life was something other people lived, and we dare not hope that our son (or us) would be able to live something of an independent life - and would always be dependant on us to some degree

But I am glad to say, that part of our lives, being depended on seems over - he seems in great shape and long may it last. AND furthermore to be honest it feels a bit of a relief
- does that sound bad? It is so draining being a carer / working full time

I mean I was pregnant at 16. (little un is our only child) we didnt have anymore children as the health problems with littley were in need of a lot of attention - and because we were young, both of us, never really got to know what we WANT out of life...we were too busy dealing with life in the here and now, working, paying the bills, looking after our son and each other , to think to the future..if that makes sense at all

I am in my mid forties now and, together, me and hubby feel like we are standing on the abyss of 'freedom' from dependencies in the larger sense. Gosh it really is a strange feeling. BUT a great feeling.

Due to the high tension of how things have been for a long time, I developed anxiety. Really bad.. and I am on medication and therapy for it...so we need to start small with this freedom malarky. A night away or a weekend ...see how that goes...and then build up to doing something bigger. I kinda need to retrain my brain that there is nothing to worry about because it is normal for me, to be on red alert incase the phone rings and there is a problem.. and it is the hospital or something...and now I dont need to be

I dont know how to 'be'. I think it is going to take a lot longer of things being OK for me to move on from that - from the anxiety I mean. and being on red alert.

Everything is as it should be though. And it has been nearly 30 years in the making

This year has been brilliant. Not only all the above, but I started a new job back in august which I love.

Anyway enough of my random ramblings. I am going to make hubbys dinner. xxxxxxxxx thanks for listening I really do appreciate every one of you that takes the time to respond to me, or give me a hand hold - there are some truly inspirational ladies on this thread xxxx

lessonlearned

Good morning everyone

ska lover - your post brought a tear to my eye. Well done - you and your husband have done a great job, you should give yourselves a pat on the back. Now is the time for both of you to take the time to learn how "to be".

I think this is the same for any parent but in your particular case it will be harder. You have been on call, on red alert for so long and you perhaps haven't had the gradual transition into letting go that other parents have.

Hang in there.

Now is the time for you and your husband to rediscover yourselves and spend time rediscovering and nurturing your relationship with each other. It's great that you now have a job that you love, that's got to be a great jumping off point for your new life.

It's funny isn't it how life turns on a sixpence. We never know what's round the corner. Some of it will be good, some bad. None of us lives a perfect existence, free from stress, sadness or trauma. As the old saying goes "into each life a little rain must fall". Sometimes it feels more like a deluge :rotfl: but, with perseverance and courage, we overcome.

Anyway enough philosophy for one morning......

Not sure what I'm doing yet.....,I slept really well last night - a straight 7 hours. What a difference a good nights sleep makes.

Decorator coming again today and tomorrow so I'll probably head out and escape for a while. Maybe Asda today and Aldi tomorrow. Oh the glamour of it all......so rock and roll.

I know I've had to dip into my savings to pay the decorator which I didn't really plan to do, but oh my, has it been worth it. He is doing a fantastic job and, more to the point, he is saving me so much time and effort. I could never work at that speed.

As you know I have wanted to make significant changes to my life but the renovations have been holding me back. When I started this thread I thought I could do both in tandem but I either underestimated the work involved or I overestimated my capabilities. I started well but then got a bit bogged down with the work. Nothing quite like overreaching yourself....

Oh well you know what they say "Aim high and you might just achieve something"

Anyway outsourcing the decorating was perhaps one of my better ideas. I just need to find a way to pay for it. Not literally I do have the money to pay the guy but I want to be able to replenish my savings. But that is a problem for next year..... :rotfl:

As Mr McCawber would say "something will turn up"

Have a great day y'all and keep enjoying those champagne moments.

Last night mine were of the Hygge variety......a cosy house, a good cup of coffee and some nice chocolate whilst watching Denzel Washington in a film called "Flight". Great performance by Denzel as an alcoholic airline pilot. I love that man, not only a great actor but a great orator and motivational speaker. Check out his motivational speeches on U-tube.

I often like start my day by listening to a good motivational speech.