MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Paul & Heather go 50/50?

PayPeanuts_2

I do resent the implication from some that if you dont have joint finances you don't love each other as much.

Our love is based on lots of things like...taking care of each other when we are ill or sad, cooking for each other, taking care of each others emotional wellbeing, sunday mornings in bed, getting through difficult times together, trusting each other, enjoying each others company, laughing at each others jokes, respecting each others families, buying a little present now and then to say 'I was thinking about you'.....

It is not based on who pays the gas bill

FW1000

We've lived together for 3 years and been married for a year. Over that time I've earnt more than my partner, but have also been made redundant and earnt nothing for a few months, I now earn quite a lot more again.

All this time we've put all our wages into a joint account, but both kept the same amount of disposable income to spend each month. Once it's gone, it's gone but it's our money to spend how we want.

Then the joint account covers household bills, holidays, basically anything that isn't just for me or him. We also put savings away out of this.

This works well for us as I'm a saver, and he's a spender, and if we did 50/50 we wouldn't be able to have the holidays we have or buy stuff for the house, as he would spend all his disposable income on stuff for him, while I would end up saving mine, and it would limit what we could do together as a couple.

This way we both get the same amount of money to spend that the other doesn't have a say in - this avoids arguements about me buying too many clothes and him buying too many gadgets! Plus we get to have nice holidays etc. as I manage our remaining money so we can afford to buy the bigger things we want as a couple.

It shouldn't matter who earns more, if you are a partnership you should both put in everything you earn, have the same amount of disposable income each, and make joint decisions on big purchases.

samigirl

cc99 wrote: »

Marriage is a partnership it should be for the benefit of both, whats mine is my hubbys and whats his is mine, Everything is put in the one bank account and we share 50/50, however if they are not married yet, she should be careful and make sure if they go 50/50 that if it went pear shaped she could be left with less than him. Make sure the rent book/ deeds are in joint names and make sure if it did not work out that she was not left less if they were to split in the future.

Sorry to rain on the parade but my friend put everything into her BFs house and they spent thousands doing it up, he then had an affair, dumped her and moved his new GF in, my friend is back living with her parents and at the age of 35 has nothing to show for the years she spent with her ex, he on the other hand sold the house he bought for £45, 000 for the princley sum of £125,000. All because everything was in HIS name and they were not married.

CC - it sounds like if your friend put a substantial payment down on the home, she would have an equitable interest in the home, enforceable in court. I'm a law student and we learned this last week. She should speak to a family lawyer.

nigeats

50% of the total bill/s from their salaries or 50% of their total income towards the bills.

scubaguy

When my Fiancee and I get married then we will live together in the house that I have bought (She is presently in South Africa until we are married and she gets a visa).

Until she gets a job I will be paying all bills and the mortgage and all nights out and meals etc.

Once my Fiancee gets a job then we will split the bills by percentage of earnings ie if she gets earns 30% what I earn then she pays 30% of the bills.

If we split then she gets 50% of everything. (Not that we are planning on splitting - marriage is for life and all that stuff :rotfl: )

Does this sound fair??

snaffs

I was in a situation where we were both living in a house that we could both easily afford to pay 50/50 towards, even though his income was 3x mine and this worked just fine.
He then decided to move to a bigger house where the outgoings were doubled and I could no longer afford the 50/50 split so we changed to a 60/40 split. I also took a lower paid job to help him successfully build up his business. During this time his income drastically increased while I was still on my lower paid job - I was then paying 65% of my earnings into the joint account and barely having enough left over to manage my personal expenses each month while he was paying 25% of his income and had loads left over to spend as he pleased. We both worked equally long hours, however I was expected to do all the housework as he said because he paid more into the account each month therefore I should do all the housework. This is despite the fact that he wanted the bigger house, and I took a reduction in income to help increase his.
Needless to say that's a relationship I'm no longer in. Maybe if we had stayed in the house where we could BOTH afford to pay 50/50 then none of those arguments would have happened.

rackstar

I think a lot of it is just about your mindset. If you see things as 'ours' rather than 'his/hers' there isn't so much to worry about. I think it helped that we didn't move in together until we got married, and by then everying was legally shared 50/50.

What's his is ours and what's mine is ours. And when money is tight we both tighten our belts.

Our earnings go in a joint account which covers the monthly outgoings - rent, bills, car etc. A monthly amount goes to an account for groceries etc and to each of our personal accounts, which we spend on whatever we like.

Whenever one of us gets a pay rise we've both just as pleased because it's both of our money.

It works pretty well even though he earns more than me (he works for NHS and I'm at the BBC). I also work longer hours so we do half of the housework and he does all the mending and maintaining of bikes, cars, electrical things etc!

I found it most difficult when I went back to uni because I felt bad that I wasn't contributing enough financially, but he wasn't worried and is hoping to take a career break sometime too.

When we were engaged we tried to pay half of things, but he was rubbish with money in those days and despite earning several grand more than me had credit card debt and no savings.

In the end I got him to pay some of my expenses like petrol while I saved money. He didn't seem to notice the difference at the time and he was pretty pleased to discover we had some savings when we got married.

afternoondelight

Before moving in with my ex wife 18 months before we married, I put in £78k into a house and she put in £33k. She promised on numerous occasions that if we ever broke up we would get our initial deposits back and then split the house sale proceeds 50/50. I earnt more than she did and so I put in 3 times as much to bills as she did. We married and then 18 months later she found someone else. Presenting me with a divorce petition she told me that her solicitor had advised her that she was entitled to 70% of the house proceeds. I settled at 50%. 18 months of marriage cost me £45k. The system is institutionally unfair and biased towards the woman.
My advice to this couple. Split everything 50/50. If you stay together...great.....if it goes pear shaped....then you each have an equal claim and it will avoid bitterness and recrimination.

trishbelgium

Paul & Heather MUST pay half the bills each, even though one earns more, otherwise it's an unfair agreement & Heather will end up feeling like she owes Paul. Paul can compensate by paying for meals out, weekend trips etc as treats, but if Heather was moving out to live alone she would have to pay 100% herself, so 50% still gives her more disposable income than she would have alone.

Francis63

Go 50/50 and be grateful!
If the alternative is to live on her own Heather will be able to afford a home half the size, will pay 100% of all bills (rather than 50%) and will have to pay 100% for every pot, pan, chair, table etc.
She should consider herself lucky, as I would if I found someone to double my standard of living with.

My new boyfriend was recently divorced. His ex-wife earned pretty much the same as him, yet he paid all the bills and the mortgage. Her money was hers and he has no idea what she did with it, except that she spent a lot of time in the beauty salon getting her nails painted & her eyebrows plucked. He has paid out just over half of what he is worth to her as the divorce settlement. He had savings she had apparently spent all her earnings & had debts.

Now, the greedy woman has overdone it, she will have to buy her own home, pay her own bills & pluck her own eyebrows and think about how much she took advantage of a generous man. She had it coming.