My sister is getting married in New Zealand..

parking_question_chap

I would not go either, but I know families can get really tiresome in the pressure they can put you under to attend.


Next time they bring it up, clearly set out your reasons and leave it at that. You might want do to this by email because as its often easier to put things over when you are not feeling pressured.


Is it more your parents or sister that iis pressuring you into going?

chesky

I wouldn't go even though I'm not in the position of having to pay off debts.

I hate flying
I really don't like weddings much
Can't really afford £3000 just for doing something I don't want to do.

You have to build up a persona over the years - nobody in their right mind would invite me to their wedding in New Zealand.

alan_d

I'm just echoing what others have said.
I was 'expected' to go to a family wedding in January coming, in the week my kids return to school, in Sri Lanka.
Cost was ridiculous, even without taking 3 kids, and taking them and skipping first few days of school term wasn't an option. Leaving them would create childcare issues.
I've said we're not going, it's too expensive and clashes with school. No further discussion, I don't feel why I should justify myself further or go into (more) debt for it.

Primrose

You are heavily in debt.
You can,t afford to go. Simple as that.
You can,t afford to get married either.
But when you have pAid those debts off,what is your primary goal?. Yes, getting married so focus on that.
Your aister will have other family members there. She made her choices but how and where she was going to live her life and you must do the same.

mikeeboy

I don't know how much you value travelling, but I'd go.

It could be a once in a lifetime trip. You might not get another chance to visit that part of the world. May as well go with family.

shiny76

TBagpuss wrote: »

I agree that a comment such as 'it's just a wedding' would be really tactless and likely to be counter productive.

I think something like "I'd love to go, but sadly it's just not possible for me" would be far better.

That just opens the OP up to encouragement from their family. I'd just say I wasn't able to go and hope they respected my decision.

eschaton

If you were pretty close to her then it would be good to try and be there.

As you aren’t, and you have other financial priorities, then if I was in your situation, going to NZ wouldn’t even be a consideration.

In my view, anyone getting married far away AND expecting all family and friends to spend £000’s each to be there are only thinking of themselves.

Get an iPad and FaceTime it, it worked in Still Game - kinda....

Red-Squirrel_2

shiny76 wrote: »

That just opens the OP up to encouragement from their family. I'd just say I wasn't able to go and hope they respected my decision.

Bit harsh to not express any regret or sadness at not being able to attend your sister's wedding!

Nothing wrong at all with saying 'We'd love to go but its not possible'. That's true.

Tammykitty

I have a wedding in New Zealand next year, and my DH's parents live in Australia - but even with the "free" accommodation in Australia - it is still going to cost about £1500 each.


Its expensive and we have another wedding in March the following year in Australia


Not sure yet what we are going to do



PS - OP many airlines such as Emirates and Etihad haven't released their flights for next November yet - so the cost may be cheaper than you think

shiny76

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Bit harsh to not express any regret or sadness at not being able to attend your sister's wedding!

Nothing wrong at all with saying 'We'd love to go but its not possible'. That's true.

Still opens the OP to people trying to help them solve the issues and enable them to come. e.g. an 'unwanted' loan from parents

My brother didn't express any regret/sadness at missing my wedding. He chose 2 weeks extra time on some ski slopes. I won't be losing any sleep if I were to miss his wedding in return!