My sister is getting married in New Zealand..

acp94

Thanks for all the responses. I've read them all and will be taking them all into consideration when making my decision. Won't be for a few weeks as my sister is currently visiting, and it's my mums 60th birthday so not the time for any potential family dramas. Will make a decision and then reach out to my sister to tell her first, and then inform the rest of the family.

So my sister moved to Aus about 7 years ago from the UK. She's getting married next year in New Zealand.

It's going to cost thousands for me and my partner to go, and I just don't know if I can afford it.

My parents keep telling me to save money and I've accepted the fact that if I go, I'll be going without my partner. But I myself am in thousands of pounds of debt, which I am paying off every month, but by going to this wedding I'm going to have to fork out thousands more and not pay my debts of as quick - putting off my own future wedding (my partner and I have already discussed potential dates).

In addition, my sister and I don't have the best relationship. She usually visits the UK once a year and in that time we only really see one another when the whole family gets together, despite my reaching out to her to see one another individually. She makes very little effort with me, and practically even ignored my partner on her last visit home (the first time she met him!)

I feel like my whole family is going to look down on me if I say I can't go and tell me I can afford it (I have a job that does pay a reasonable wage, but I pay over £500 a month on debts alone, and over £950 on rent/bills & travel so I don't have a whole lot left at the end to actually save, whilst still having a bit of a life on the side.)

Am I being selfish by not wanting to go? I don't want to have to stay at home every weekend and every evening for the next 9 months to afford to go, nor do I want to put back milestones (wedding, buying a house) with my own partner. Any advice?

pollypenny

You're not being selfish at all. I'd say your parents are lacking in understanding if they want you to get into further debt.

Paying off your debts, so you can move on, is by far the best thing to do.

Robin9

Are your parents going ?

acp94

Yep they are going. Majority of my family, if not all will be going so it won't be an any decision for me to decide not to go. But I feel I need to consider my own financial future somewhat in this, due to the high costs involved of a wedding on the other side of the world!

worried_jim

Stay in the U.K. and use your money for you. NZ is too far and too expensive.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

If the roles were reversed do you think she would fork out thousands to come to your wedding? Considering what you have said about your relationship with her ask yourself, if you weren't in debt ans had the spare cash would you still not want to go? If you wouldn't then I don't see why you should make your life harder and put yourself further into debt.

[Deleted User]

If it was me I wouldn't go.

You have to think of yourself and your own future sometimes so don't feel like it is selfish in anyway at all.

Dxxx

Mojisola

acp94 wrote: »

It's going to cost thousands for me and my partner to go, and I just don't know if I can afford it.

But I myself am in thousands of pounds of debt, which I am paying off every month, but by going to this wedding I'm going to have to fork out thousands more and not pay my debts of as quick - putting off my own future wedding

In addition, my sister and I don't have the best relationship.

She makes very little effort with me, and practically even ignored my partner on her last visit home (the first time she met him!)

If a friend told you these details, wouldn't your advice be to stay at home and concentrate on your own life?

If your family decide to be horrible to you because you don't want to get further into debt, that will tell you a lot about them.

Don't be pressurised into doing something you'll regret for years.

rach_k

I think it's perfectly reasonable for you not to go. Your sister made the decision to move to the other side of the world; she must've known that it would mean some people wouldn't be able to come to visit, attend events etc. That was her choice, not yours.

Ames

Don't go. I'm sure with Skype and the like you can see the ceremony if [STRIKE]you feel you have to pretend [/STRIKE]you want to.

PasturesNew

Don't go. You know you can't afford it.

Just write down some phrases to use so that when you say "No" they can't blackmail you and start arguments about it.

Don't just go in there unprepared word-wise....

"It's just a wedding" really isn't it - they're pretty dull for most people attending, except "well, it's a day out and a catch up with everybody".

You can get somebody to livestream it for you .... and do some "facetime" (HATE that word) on the day with the lucky bride ... show willing and all that.

Anybody who marries abroad has to accept that not everybody can be at their wedding. End of.