My sister is getting married in New Zealand..

gettingtheresometime

Do your parents have an idea of your financial situation or do they just think that you haven't got the money in the bank at the moment?


The only reason I ask is that if they are under the impression it's the later then perhaps they aren't aware what a big ask it is.


The other thing to consider is how this will affect your relationship with your sister - you may not care one iota about that ! - as I think this may seal the type of relationship you have in the future....what's it like generally?


If you do decide not to go then I think you need to get your partner to be there, if only to support you when you tell your parents - would they be more receptive to his arguments or would they see it as him interfering?

hazyjo

I definitely wouldn't go. You've already listed all the reasons why

Red-Squirrel_2

I wouldn't go.

That aside, why would going mean that you have to put off your wedding? If you want to be married, you don't need to have the big event (and you might find that if your parents and other family members react badly to your decision not to go to NZ that the big event loses some of its appeal anyway) you can be married very cheaply and get all that lovely legal protection and rights much sooner.

pollypenny

PasturesNew wrote: »

Don't go. You know you can't afford it.

Just write down some phrases to use so that when you say "No" they can't blackmail you and start arguments about it.

Don't just go in there unprepared word-wise....

"It's just a wedding" really isn't it - they're pretty dull for most people attending, except "well, it's a day out and a catch up with everybody".

You can get somebody to livestream it for you .... and do some "facetime" (HATE that word) on the day with the lucky bride ... show willing and all that.

Anybody who marries abroad has to accept that not everybody can be at their wedding. End of.

Don't say 'it's just a wedding.....' as that sounds totally dismissive of and uncaring for your sister. It's likely to cause arguments with your parents.

Express regret that your finances mean you cannot go and wish her the very best for the day and the future.

BTW: It's not as if she's gone abroad just to marry. FaceTime is the name of the VOIP app, it's just the same as saying Skype.

TBagpuss

I agree that a comment such as 'it's just a wedding' would be really tactless and likely to be counter productive.

I think something like "I'd love to go, but sadly it's just not possible for me" would be far better. Especially if you follow up with something like "I'm going to ask sister whether it would be possible for them to livestream so we can see the ceremony even though we can't be there" or "I hope you take lots of pictures so we can see them "

That way, you are making it clear that you *can't * go, rather than that you are choosing not to go. Which is far less likely to create a family rift.

trailingspouse

I totally agree with you. I have a relative getting married abroad at the end of 2019 - and although, yes we can afford to go, there are frankly 101 other things I would rather do with the money. Including going on holiday to somewhere that I want to go to!!
Stick to your guns.

JReacher1

Tell them you are going and then insist for the rest of your life that you were there and it was a lovely service.

This approach has never let me down yet!

theoretica

Have you worked out accurately the least it would cost you? Could you save money by sharing accommodation with your parents or other family? Using a definite and realistic figure shows that you have put thought into the decision and calculated you cannot afford it.



Sharing your own financial situation is the only potential way to reduce family fall out that I can see.

dawyldthing

You can get a flight for £700 ish depending on the time of the year, might be able to share with family, but ask yourself: if you don’t go, will you regret not going? If the answers no then you’ve answered it

BrassicWoman

I've just costed 10 nights in Auckland, hotel, flying from Heathrow in April and it's £2k single, £3k for a couple. And there are ways to do it cheaper.


Just because facts are helpful in decision making


Would your parents help if it meant you could go?