Wedding politics

borkid

cjdavies wrote: »

Unless they learning difficulties or something the mum is the carer.

I did think of that however would it be a good idea for her to be taken to a gathering ,possibly a large on where she only knows 2 people. I would imagine it would be very confusing.

POPPYOSCAR

borkid wrote: »

I did think of that however would it be a good idea for her to be taken to a gathering ,possibly a large on where she only knows 2 people. I would imagine it would be very confusing.

I think the mother would be best placed to make that judgement if that were the case.

Red-Squirrel_2

One solution for separated parents at the top table is to have bride's mum sat next to groom's dad and vice versa. My brother and his wife did this, their new partners sat at other tables.

andygb

peachyprice wrote: »

I think it's incredibly rude TBH.

You either have both step parents at the top table or neither. How do you think your dad will feel when he goes to sit down only to find his girlfriend has been excluded. Same with the photos. How do you think he will feel if he wants a photo with you but you tell him it's only him not his girlfriend?

On the other had I don't see why you should invite her daughter. Inviting her just so you can use her as an excuse not to sit her mother at the top table is very poor form.

:beer:This exactly.

OP, your dad has been with this woman for 3/4 years, that is a long time so he obviously has strong feelings towards her.
Why does the rest of the family dislike her so much?
Are you sure that your dad is not aware that all of his family dislike her?
When are you going to let your dad (who I assume will be sitting at the top table) know that his partner will not be sitting with him.
If I was your dad and heard about this, then it would be an easy decision for me - I wouldn't be coming to your wedding.

motorguy

andygb wrote: »

:beer:This exactly.

OP, your dad has been with this woman for 3/4 years, that is a long time so he obviously has strong feelings towards her.
Why does the rest of the family dislike her so much?
Are you sure that your dad is not aware that all of his family dislike her?
When are you going to let your dad (who I assume will be sitting at the top table) know that his partner will not be sitting with him.
If I was your dad and heard about this, then it would be an easy decision for me - I wouldn't be coming to your wedding.

+1

I think you need to have your fathers g/f at the top table. Not a pups chance i would want to be separated from my partner at a wedding like this. You need to treat your dads partner as you are treating your mums partner. Hes been with her a significant amount of time.

Doing something like this WILL cause a family rift, and if i was your dad and got wind of it before the wedding i'd be refusing to go.

The photographs are easy - as has been suggested have various different groups taken by the photographer. You get to chose what goes in your album. Offer out the opportunity to your mum and dad to pick any photos they want to buy and keep themselves.

Grezz24

myself and my wife got married a year ago, and on our top table we compromised to have my father in laws girlfriend on the top table, even though we dont like her.

We never made this clear to my wifes father, or his GF (they have been together around 15 years). The thought was never there to not include her on the top table as we wanted to ensure her dad enjoyed the day too. We sat her at the end away from us and we didnt even notice she was on the top table (there were 10 of us on top table). That little act kept the GF happy, but also meant we didnt have to go through the politics of sitting her elsewhere.

We were also asked if we were inviting her two daughters, to which we said no. Reason being we were inviting close friend and family only (not what happened but the reason we used). Her daughters were adults.

The way we looked at is was we wasn't going to pay extra to invite people we never saw or particularly got on with, but to sit the GF on the top table wasn't an issue as she was sat at the end a couple of seats away from us so no interaction.

Yes its your day and what you want is king, but you have to consider that after the day is over you will still see your dad and the GF.

to address some other points:

1. id find it insulting if your mums partner was on the top table but not your dads.
2. follow other suggestions for the pictures, some with the GF others without, you dont have to use the ones with her for your album
3. dont invite the daughter, id draw the line there personally.

BrassicWoman

1. decide if you like your dad enough to put your feelings aside
2. invite him and his partner and treat them as a couple; or don't

Don't be sneaky and manipulative. Your wedding should be a union, not cause splits.

fairy_lights

I'm just curious about what the dad's girlfriend did to make an entire family dislike her. Or maybe she's just really irritating e.g. Janice from Friends?

Out,_Vile_Jelly

fairy_lights wrote: »

I'm just curious about what the dad's girlfriend did to make an entire family dislike her. Or maybe she's just really irritating e.g. Janice from Friends?

Yes, this needs clarifying. A friend went to a wedding where one of the guests had just been released from prison; they heckled the speeches, started a fight and got re-arrested. Unless the Dad's girlfriend is likely to act like this, then I don't think it's worth making a fuss about.

maman

My BIL was widowed and we have a new SIL that isn't liked much particularly by his children who have 'spread the poison' to his grandchildren. They are rude and talk about her behind her back.


Their problem is that they think she's only with him for the good times (days out and holidays) and doesn't wait on him hand and foot like his first wife did. I don't like the woman much myself as I think she's coarse, loud and speaks badly but I think he was a fool to jump into marriage with a woman who was unsuited (and told him so at the time).


BUT, when we have a family occasion, while I don't seek her out I do talk to her and wouldn't dream of not inviting her to any function. She's BIL's choice and I accept that.


I think it's the grown up and respectful thing to do.