Wedding politics

happyandcontented

He is your dad, it is one day and providing the partner has not done anything awful, or you think she intends to do anything awful, then for the sake of your Dad, I would just invite her. I imagine he would be very hurt to be treated differently from your mum. If you are having a top table then it should be all or none really.

Red-Squirrel_2

will6532 wrote: »

This is actually an excellent idea thank you! But what of the photos...?

Suck it up. Have her in a few to keep the peace, you don’t have to do anything with those photos.

POPPYOSCAR

No doubt you will do what you want.

However, if you care about the feelings of your father you will treat his girlfriend with the same respect as you treat your mother's partner.

It never ceases to amaze me with the sometimes selfishness of total disregard for anyone else other the wants of the Bride and Groom.

Surely the day is about togetherness and celebration with everyone enjoying themselves and being happy?

Do not be surprised if your father ends up not going as happened to someone I know when he treated his father like just a guest to be fitted in. He has never come to terms with his father not going.

swingaloo

Your dads partner deserves to be treated just the same as your mums partner simply because she is your dads choice. If you choose to treat her differently then its highly likely that it will upset your dad and why would you want to do that.

I understand that its because 'you don't like her' but your dad clearly does. They have been together long enough to be a pair. The fact they are not married doesn't come into it, lots of couples never marry but it does not make them less of a couple.

At the end of the day this man is your dad and he is just as important as your mum. I feel its a bit unfair of both you and your partner to want to separate them. I don't see why you should be expected to invite her daughter though.

As for the photos what does it matter if she is on a few of them. I had a big family wedding and had photos of a couple of people I had no time for but they were there because they were with their spouses/partners.
At my second wedding I invited my brother and his wife even though she has not spoken to a member of the family apart from my brother for over 5 years. Shes on the family photos and it doesn't spoil them.

Planning a wedding always results in some disagreement somewhere along the line. Every detail seems to be of major importance when in reality you enjoy the day and realise afterwards that what you had stressed about didn't really matter.

TBagpuss

Before you decide, think about the effect of your choices.

If you leave her out, are you happy to face the consequences, which are likely to include significant damage to your relationship with your dad.

What about your dad? Do you want him to enjoy your day and have pleasant memories of it?

I think you have a few options.

1. Seat your mum and dad on the top table, and their partners elsewhere. It is unusual to split up couples, but you could chose to have (say ) your parents, your spouse's parents, your best man and bridesmaid(s) at the head table and put the step parents.

2. Seat both parents at the head table with their respective partners. You can make sure that your dad's partner isn't sitting next to you or your new wife, and just accept that she is your dad's partner whether or not you like her. If you have a long table you could chose to have her sit at the end, and you can always crop her out of photos if you desperately want to.

3. Decide to sit her separately from your dad and run the risk that he will move to sit with her, or that one or both of them will try to rearrange things and/or make a row on the day, and the near certainty that it will damage your future relationship with your dad.

SO far as the photos are concerned, just speak to your photographer and explain that you would like some photos which just include your parents, as well as larger groups. Then you can decide which ones you chose to keep or display, and you can let your dad have copies downloads of any he likes.

Is the daughter an adult ? If so, then it is fine for you to tell your dad that you are sorry, but as you have a tight budget you are keeping the guest list to close family and friends. If she is a child then I think, unless you are not having any children at all at the wedding, you have to invite her as she is part of you dad's family.

warby68

Oh wow. Your dad doesn't know everyone despises his partner because you feel it 'isn't your business'. However you are prepared to broadcast it from the roof by humiliating them at your wedding. I'd really think again. If your day to day handling allows you to keep your feelings quiet why can you not show dad the same respect at your wedding?

What on earth has she done to make you want to do this?

I think you're heading for a really horrible situation

The photos are easy - you just give the photographer a list of the specific ones you want as well as all the standard ones and discard later as you please.

The daughter might be because she wants someone in her corner - people usually do know if they are disliked.

Obviously we don't know what makes her a pariah but unless its something so serious you cannot share space, I think you should be gracious and equal hosts for the sake of both your parents.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I'm not in any of my exSIL's wedding photographs. I didn't care at the time and I don't care now. But had my now ex known that she'd deliberately insisted on the photographer making sure I wasn't even caught in the background or was going to deliberately delete any that were taken, in addition to the anger he felt at being quizzed upon my plans for losing weight when our daughter was 8 weeks old (the explanation was that it wasn't that she disliked me, but having a fat person in the photos would ruin them all), he'd have refused to go altogether.


You don't have to frame a picture of the woman and display it on your mantelpiece, but it really wouldn't kill you to have her in one with her partner and then let them keep it. After all, who wants to risk their Dad refusing to come to their wedding?

Humdinger1

Will

I understand how you feel; however I do think you're at risk of creating a massive row with your Dad. You might well be forcing him to take his gfs side whereas if you're even handed he'll be able to stand back and see what the problems are much more easily than if he's painted into a corner and feels he has to defendher because everyone else dislikes her so much. Are you really wedded to the top table? Many weddings I've been to recently don't have this and it makes for a far more relaxed environment. The only real thing it will do is to stress how disliked the gf is. Maybe justifiably but do you want to use your wedding to make that negative point? It's not my business (do feel free to say so) but personally I'd aim for the high moral ground as the fall out could go on for years and you probably won't feel great about it. Humdinger

CRANKY40

will6532 wrote: »

This is actually an excellent idea thank you! But what of the photos...?

Easy - you tell the photographer which shots you'd really like and the photographer will call out who they want for each photo. Include the girlfriend in a few. Nobody said you have to choose those for your album :rotfl:

Marvel1

silvercar wrote: »

You have the excuse that as they are not married, they could split up and so you don't want her in the photos in case that happens. Your mu has remarried, so her spouse needs to be in the photos.

However the Mum just has as much chance splitting up also.