Wedding politics

pickledonionspaceraider

A wedding issue solved in 11 posts.


I am flabbergasted hahaha

peachyprice

I think it's incredibly rude TBH.

You either have both step parents at the top table or neither. How do you think your dad will feel when he goes to sit down only to find his girlfriend has been excluded. Same with the photos. How do you think he will feel if he wants a photo with you but you tell him it's only him not his girlfriend?

On the other had I don't see why you should invite her daughter. Inviting her just so you can use her as an excuse not to sit her mother at the top table is very poor form.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

Photos: give clear instructions to the photographer that you want certain shots with just "immediate family" so you can have pictures without Dad's girlfriend. But it won't cost anything to ensure there are a few shots WITH her; you don't have to buy them, and Dad can download them, nobody's offended, and potential public drama is avoided.

The rest of it really depends on why you dislike this person and how much of a big deal you want to make of it with your Dad. Is she rude, abusive, badly behaved? Or do you just not have anything in common with her? Unless she is genuinely likely to be disruptive and upset other guests, I would just write it off as "difficult family to be endured". I can't imagine there are many weddings without a guest classed in this category....

Doodles

What on earth has this woman done that everyone despises her so much?!

If your dad doesn't realise how everyone feels about her, he soon will when you tell him he can sit at the top table, but she can sit off to the side on her own. Why put your dad in such an awkward situation.? that feels very sad to me.

In your shoes I think your options are:

a) have both of them at the top table, or
b) invite your dad only, and explain the reasons why to him
c) forget the formality of 'top tables'

You could discretely explain the situation to the photographer, and steer it so she is in a minimal amount of photos.

Personally I would invite her to the top table. For my dad's sake.

But, no I don't think the girlfriend's daughter should be invited though.

Head_The_Ball

Seat your Dad on the top table and seat his girlfriend and her daughter elsewhere.

Noctu

will6532 wrote: »

Lol why would we change our entire seating arrangements to something we don't want at our own wedding, to suit one person who none of us like?

Would you say that to your Dad's face? No? Why not?

The other posters are offering suggestions so that you don't have to have those sorts of conversations. As per your original post.

onomatopoeia99

Elope, seriously.



Unless you treat your parents and their partners the same, you will create drama. If you want drama with your dad, go for it, because if you treat his new partner in a different way to your mum's new partner, an explanation will be asked for and when you give it you will have a family spat.

Gavin83

I guess there's another way to look at this. Assume in a year your dad gets married to his girlfriend. He invites you (of course) and your now wife. You get a seat at the head table but your wife has to sit elsewhere. His girlfriend/wife also invites their child, along with their partner, both with seats at the head table. How would you feel and react?

silvercar

You have the excuse that as they are not married, they could split up and so you don't want her in the photos in case that happens. Your mu has remarried, so her spouse needs to be in the photos.

maman

will6532 wrote: »

Lol why would we change our entire seating arrangements to something we don't want at our own wedding, to suit one person who none of us like?

What about to be kind to your dad as a reason?


There's also the fact that top tables are a bit hierarchical and out of date but that's just my observation.


If, on the other hand, you want to use the wedding as an opportunity to get the message clearly to your dad that you don't like his choice of partner and that they're there under sufferance compared to your mum and her partner who you all think is wonderful then you're making the right decision.