Son doesn't seem to care

unholyangel

tacpot12 wrote: »

I think his Mum needs to watch "Can't pay, we'll take it away!" If the baliffs come knocking, does she want her stuff seized or have to bail him out yet again?

Why would they be seizing her stuff? They can't force their way in and can't seize anything which doesn't belong to the debtor (at least jointly).

Usually all thats needed to get rid of them is showing them proof that the debtor isn't the owner or tenant.

ska_lover

unholyangel wrote: »

Why would they be seizing her stuff? They can't force their way in and can't seize anything which doesn't belong to the debtor (at least jointly).

Usually all thats needed to get rid of them is showing them proof that the debtor isn't the owner or tenant.

That wouldn't work as the debtor still lives there and the debt is registered there, and the company would have no other information to say he does not. He may not be named on any rent book or mortgage however he is registered the debt at that address, its his last known address. Loads of people aren't named as a tenant, doesn't mean they can get away Scott free with debts they wracked up

I know it seems like scare mongering, but it isn't. It can and does happen regularly

I for one, would struggle to lay hands on receipts every single valuable in the house to prove they were mine. Bailiffs, they want receipts for things like T.Vs , jewellery, even a log book is not sufficient to prove ownership of cars.

And then when it is gone, you are left in the position where you have so many days to prove ownership or your stuff is auctioned

They can't force their way in, but peaceful entry means sticking their foot in the door so you can't close it, walking in through an unlocked door, and they can seize cars off the driveway without even coming in to the property...and a young adult may not realise the law and let them in, and before they realise what is happening, and inventory is being made

Horrible situation to be in, even more so when it is someone elses debt that they have buried their head in the sand over

ska_lover

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Wat incentive does the son have to start caring?

Why would he need to be incentivised? Surely basic parental respect should be free

unholyangel

ska_lover wrote: »

That wouldn't work as the debtor still lives there and the debt is registered there, and the company would have no other information to say he does not. He may not be named on any rent book or mortgage however he is registered the debt at that address, its his last known address. Loads of people aren't named as a tenant, doesn't mean they can get away Scott free with debts they wracked up

I know it seems like scare mongering, but it isn't. It can and does happen regularly

I for one, would struggle to lay hands on receipts every single valuable in the house to prove they were mine. Bailiffs, they want receipts for things like T.Vs , jewellery, even a log book is not sufficient to prove ownership of cars.

And then when it is gone, you are left in the position where you have so many days to prove ownership or your stuff is auctioned

They can't force their way in, but peaceful entry means sticking their foot in the door so you can't close it, walking in through an unlocked door, and they can seize cars off the driveway without even coming in to the property...and a young adult may not realise the law and let them in, and before they realise what is happening, and inventory is being made

Horrible situation to be in, even more so when it is someone elses debt that they have buried their head in the sand over

The debt is not registered there. Debts are registered to people, not addresses. What proof will they have that the debtor does live there?

More to the point, there is a reasonable assumption that the owner/tenant owns whatever is in their home unless the contrary is proven (which is often why they seize goods in the debtors home unless they're given proof it belongs to someone else)....except in this case the owner/tenant is one or both parents, not the debtor.

There have been examples of this on cant pay. They left empty handed.

paddy's_mum

Be aware that your wife's attitude and behaviour might be almost the bigger problem, especially if she would rather risk damaging your relationship than compel your son to face up to financial reality.

Good luck.

BrassicWoman

ska_lover wrote: »

Why would he need to be incentivised? Surely basic parental respect should be free

There’s idealism and there’s reality...

System

Grenage wrote: »

He'll never learn getting bailed out; let the boat sink and he'll see the error of his ways.

This exactly...what he has learnt is that if you have debt, it gets sorted by your parents.


He's 21 and green with money - he'll learn but it's up to him, it's his life.


As soon as I earned money, I went a bit crazy....powerful car, new sofas, TV etc. All on tick...my mum and dad thought I was crazy but my generation and certainly your son's is that why wait, get credit and get stuff now !


Don't bail him out again, stop mentioning his debt, it's nothing to do with you.


Also, he's 21, that's a good age to move out - you should support that because that's what he should be doing, not guilt tripped into living with mum and dad...how embarrassing !

Pixie5740

My parents paid off my brother's unsecured debts from university. They continue to bail him out and sub him money. He is 34, a father of two and still can't budget to save himself. It was my nephews birthday last month and circa £500 was spent on his presents and then my brother had to borrow money to pay the rent. Not so long ago he mentioned inheritance to my mum to which she replied, "what inheritance, you'll have spent it all before we die."

Don't make the same mistakes as my parents. Let your son stand on his own two feet.

gettingtheresometime

I know it's hard OP to watch your children walk towards the edge of the cliff but as others have said sometimes you have to walk off the edge of the cliff to learn to be more careful.


Money always seemed to burn a hole in my son's pocket too and it wasn't until I had a frank conversation with him about his future - both in terms of him wanting his own place & his career (his job means he couldn't have a ccj or be declared bankrupt) did reality kick in....now whilst he does still (imo) waste on things, he's a lot better.


I presume he allowed you to open his mail so could it be a case that he genuinely forgot to make a payment?


I think you need to have 2 conversations - one with your wife and the other with your son. Both need to be clam.


You need to agree with your wife that you won't bail him out again...if only for him to learn that actions with consequences. (btw is he an only child?)


You need to tell your son that you can't keep bailing him out. You need to talk to him about his future plans - is he saving for a home of his own? If not then encourage him to look at the different types of savings account for this purchase. If he isn't then why not ? Are you & your wife making life too comfortable? Get him to set up DDs for, at least the minimum payments so that at least the default letters/charges stop.

calleyw

Pixie5740 wrote: »

My parents paid off my brother's unsecured debts from university. They continue to bail him out and sub him money. He is 34, a father of two and still can't budget to save himself. It was my nephews birthday last month and circa £500 was spent on his presents and then my brother had to borrow money to pay the rent. Not so long ago he mentioned inheritance to my mum to which she replied, "what inheritance, you'll have spent it all before we die."

Don't make the same mistakes as my parents. Let your son stand on his own two feet.

Yep your parents are enabling your brother. And so many parents do it. Think they are helping but it's the opposite. People need to learn to stand on their own two feet.


Going to have a massive shock once your parents have retired and don't have the income to sub or once they die and your brother having to manage on what they have.



Yours

Calley x