Paying for 25 year old child

foolofbeans

ska_lover wrote: »

In the sense of this thread - Buying luxury items, but then begrudge spending £20 a week on basic items for their own offspring..just stinks imo..and I am not sure why this would equate to being able to 'afford' more children either
What luxury items have we bought?! I'd love to know! Frankly we don't have any spare income to buy luxury items.
Many lower income earners manage to put buy savings for future uni funds, over years, - and it amazes me why any high earner (would assume fairly intelligent to be earning well) would not do the same, as it is hardly a surprise that kids grow up
I honestly don't know anyone that has put aside money for their childrens uni fees. I'm not alone in having the bombshell of the expectation of subsidising adult children to attend uni.
Some people need a lesson in priorities and planning for the future
Will the same people be shocked when retirement sneaks up on them, because they forgot to consider a retirement fund whilst jet setting around the world. Priorities are backwards
We pay into a pension which comes at a cost so hae even less disposable income.
Having the latest car, or foreign holiday to brag about on the golf course, don't mean squat if your own kids have no respect for you

Car is more than ten years old, only ever had one foreign holiday for the family (which was paid for by parents or we would never have had one). No golfing for us - we don't have the money and we work so don't have the time!
Never let a lack of facts get in the way of a judgement on others!

warby68

I think some of comments have come about because you said at the outset you had a 'good' income - people probably imagined you meant quite a bit more than a total of £30k net.

It sounds as if there is resentment towards both the system and your child, the latter because she manages a better standard of living than you and you pay towards it. The 'trigger' to this bubbling over was your misunderstanding of the 25 year old rule and huge disappointment that you are expected to pay for one more year.

However stepping back it looks as if the situation where daughter could possibly manage without your £20 because of the high standard of living she enjoys has actually been an issue before this final year.

The problem really lies in the last minute situation that now exists. You would be moving goalposts for her at a very late stage and it would probably seem like you were breaking a promise. Having said that she is 25 and MUST know the family situation and that the £20 is hard for you to find notwithstanding how small an amount it might seem. She also had some responsibility to learn the rules herself and discuss/warn/chat with you about what was involved for the whole of her course but it seems she didn't. It does seem like a bit of 'ostrich' all round and a difficult position timing wise to discuss withdrawing support. Nonetheless if she's got to 25 and is still totally oblivious to the family situation and how stretched you are then some kind of chat is probably warranted and possibly overdue. You never know, she may surprise you and offer not to have the £20.

Whether the system is fair, that's a whole other debate and really doesn't actually matter at this point. I don't think you'll find a single person that thinks it is beyond being the best of a bad job but the system is the same for all and not really understanding it or making adjustments to work with it is unfortunately down to you AND your daughter.

In a nutshell, I think its far too late for you to actually force it on her but not too late for a chat to see if something voluntary is forthcoming and lay future ground rules. That is where the age of 25 is most relevant - she's well and truly an adult and should have some more mature thought processes about it than maybe an 18 year old would.

Spendless

foolofbeans wrote: »

Yes although 'high earners' means different things to different people. In reality we have net annual income of circa £30k between us.

Unless that's a typo, the system doesn't work on net salaries, it works on gross.

If you are talking a gross salary of £30K, your student daughter would only get around £600 less than the maximum amount. She'd still get around £8K

Calculator

https://www.gov.uk/student-finance-calculator

You don't have to top up to the absolute maximum to help them out.

Why don't you have a chat to your daughter about how much you're struggling. You may find she says she can manage without your contribution. If she says it will be difficult, see if you can compromise somewhere - eg could you cut the amount after Christmas, so she's had prior warning. Could she help you with childcare in the hols when she's home to cut your bills?

meer53

As Spendless and Warby68 say you don't have to top up your daughters money. At 25, she should be fully aware of how much loan she will be getting and how much her costs are. My daughter is 18 and going to Uni in 2 weeks, she has her budget set and knows that i can't subsidise her apart from occasional food shopping and travel costs if needed. She's had a part time job for the last 2 years and has some savings and is planning on getting another job once at Uni if her timetable allows. Why can't your daughter work whilst at Uni ?

You seem to be angry about something that you could have avoided if you'd sat down with your daughter and discussed it before now. That's not your daughters fault, you'll need to suck it up this time, but i would make the changes now, ready for if your other children decide to go down the same route.

Spendless

Can you point out where in this government website it explains that students will have their loan amount reduced due to parental income AND the parents are expected to subsidise the student to at least the amount that is deducted from the loan given.
https://www.gov.uk/student-finance
I've looked through it and can't see it anywhere but as you are all-knowing perhaps you can find it for me?[/QUOTE]It doesn't. Martin Lewis pointed this out 2 years ago.

https://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/09/how-much-are-parents-supposed-to-give-their-children-when-they-go-to-university/

Unfortunately you seem to have just missed any advantages you may have had with your DD getting more in maintenance loan. She must have just missed the 3 years independent (discussed earlier in this thread) just misses being 25 and you've had her doing an additional year of study - 4 years instead of the usual 3 year degree.

We've recently had to come to terms with the latter one, I'd been congratulating myself on a 3year age gap between my kids, meaning no overlap, then DS got poor grades at sixth form and has been put on a foundation year first. Ho hum, it's certainly frustrating but you are where you are, all you can do is deal with the hand you've been given.

ChrisK....._3

Whatever is free gets abused - Just look at the NHS - The answer is simple - "Subsidise" - Say you cant afford the whoooooooooooooooole fee but will contribute half (or whatever) - This makes the free loader think clearly about how they go forward - They might even discover 'a job' would be useful

foolofbeans wrote: »

I have a child at university. Due to various issues (not particularly their fault) they started university a bit later and will soon be 25.
We have been submitting our income details to student finance and due to our income level our child's student loan amount is reduced. I found out recently that once a student is 25 they automatically qualify as an independent student and their loan amount is calculated on their income, not their parents.
Sadly it turns out that child turns 25 one week after the qualifying date and so we will have to declare our income to student finance again.
Here is my dilemma.....
We have a good income but we also have a lot of debt and live in one of the most expensive parts of the country. I have always told the children we would support them while they are in education and I guess the government expects that we will contribute the reduced amount of student loan.
But frankly I really begrudge having to subsidise a 25 year old. I feel like we have assisted a lot already and it has impacted on the things we can afford for our other children and I was hoping we were done with it.
They have worked throughout university and have worked hard during summer holidays. However, child has also managed to have a holiday every year, attend festivals and regularly buy stuff.

I am really torn .... I'm considering telling my child we can no longer financially assist but that may cause them hardship. There is an expectation from the govt that we will assist but should a parent have to fund a 25 year old.

I'd love to hear some views on how we should approach this.

[purplesignup][/purplesignup]

Red-Squirrel_2

foolofbeans wrote: »

Yes although 'high earners' means different things to different people. In reality we have net annual income of circa £30k between us.

Net 30k, so gross of at least 40k? That’s assuming you don’t pay any pension contributions or other deductions so probably a fair bit more?

Mojisola

foolofbeans wrote: »

They have worked throughout university and have worked hard during summer holidays.

ChrisK..... wrote: »

Whatever is free gets abused - Just look at the NHS - The answer is simple - "Subsidise" - Say you cant afford the whoooooooooooooooole fee but will contribute half (or whatever) - This makes the free loader think clearly about how they go forward - They might even discover 'a job' would be useful

Did you miss the part about the "free loader" already working during terms and throughout the holidays?

Tabbytabitha

annandale wrote: »

Maybe if you’ve been on a low income and put kids through uni you might see how tough it is.

Living on a few hundred quid a month doesn’t compare to Tarquin not getting to his after school club.

There are projects in my area that are feeding kids in school holidays.

That’s poverty. Poverty isn’t not having 20 quid a week spare for your kids after school clubs.

But you wouldn't need to "put your kids through uni" as they'd get enough from the system to pay for themselves.

Tabbytabitha

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Net 30k, so gross of at least 40k? That’s assuming you don’t pay any pension contributions or other deductions so probably a fair bit more?

I read it as being for the couple - I doubt that many people earning £20k would describe themselves as high earners, which explains the rather strange discussion.