Breaking the cycle

Poor_Single_lady

Hope everything gets easier and better and works out. Sounds like you need a hug and a cup of tea.

getmore4less

Comms69 wrote: »

To be honest I've never really considered the whole kids and parents thing.

I'd rather spend time with her just us two, or us two in a group of adults. But outside that XXXXing house!

There's only so many games of monopoly one can play!

Cultivating a life with other families through the kids and their activities is potentially a good way to improve things.

At least then if the Mrs is in a silent treatment mode you have someone else to talk to.

Often starts through school/club activities where parent get involved and grows from that.

Sharing days out/activities with other kids/families can be less stressful than just being on your own.

Comms69

Thought I’d throw an update out.

So been spending time with my son this week; which is great

Ex needed help with her rent; which is less great... left me abit skint. But what can I say, I wasn’t going to say no was I?! - alternative is she lives with Mum and dad, which would be a right pain for me; and meanrehoming pets.

Been walking my dog everyday, which I love doing. ( she lives with the ex, but I said it’s important to me ).

Went round to her house the other day for a bit; still not sure what I want or anything really.

Other than that just stuck inside my head!

Oh and I have a few job interviews lined up; one is particularly exciting so I have fingers crossed. The wage would let me comfortably get my own house, so I could have my lad over if nothing else.

Comms69

Ive posted previously - but as a summary my ex can be very controlling, vindictive and money grabbing.

( and no I’m not perfect; I’m sure some of you have already gathered that!)

But I was surprised to get a call from the police today claiming I’m harassing my ex.

She cancelled my scheduled contact with almost no notice; and which accounted for 60% of my time with the kids a week.

This is after I’ve paid maintenance, put a deposit down for my youngest’s Birthday party, and paid her £70 just to keep her happy. That’s in a week, £200+ in a week. ( around 50% of my weekly wage)

Yes I was annoyed; actually I was fuming. Why can’t she just let go?! Why am I still dealing with her crap.

What is my crime? ( yes I’m biased but still!) I called her and emailed her trying to see my kids. Stupid? Sure.

But did it cause her alarm and distress? No. Clearly not.

Yet for some reason I’m getting treated like the bad guy.

I appreciate I’m ranting and not providing much context; just frustrated im having to deal with more of her crap when I’ve got so much other stuff going on.

ctbfc

Did you get the job you alluded to in your previous post in September, and now have your own place and able to have your son over?

Pay maintenance and buy/ pay other things you deem appropriate for your son but stop just transferring cash to your ex.

Maybe time to speak to a solicitor re contact.

Comms69

ctbfc wrote: »

Did you get the job you alluded to in your previous post in September, and now have your own place and able to have your son over?

Pay maintenance and buy/ pay other things you deem appropriate for your son but stop just transferring cash to your ex.

Maybe time to speak to a solicitor re contact.

I'm working, but not the job I applied for. So still in shared accommodation. I'm applying for two now; so fingers crossed I will have my own place in the next few months / just after the new year.


Already contacted mediation for contact.


Just so tired at the minute.

ctbfc

Comms69 wrote: »

I'm working, but not the job I applied for. So still in shared accommodation. I'm applying for two now; so fingers crossed I will have my own place in the next few months / just after the new year.


Already contacted mediation for contact.


Just so tired at the minute.

Good luck with the jobs. Hope you can get yourself sorted and get your own place. Once you've got that and you are able to have the kids over you'll hopefully feel better emotionally too.

It is tough but so try not to be guilt tripped in to giving her money. She will never stop asking if you keep doing it.

Comms69

ctbfc wrote: »

Good luck with the jobs. Hope you can get yourself sorted and get your own place. Once you've got that and you are able to have the kids over you'll hopefully feel better emotionally too.

It is tough but so try not to be guilt tripped in to giving her money. She will never stop asking if you keep doing it.

It's not just guilt tripping; it's demanding. In essence no money, no kids.


Thanks though, I hope I get one of them - would be nice to have some security with Christmas coming up.

calleyw

Comms69,


Can't give you much help. But do stand your own ground.


Mothers like this make me ashamed to be female. Sometimes I think they want their ex's to have nothing and live under a railway bridge.


Children should never be used as pawns. You left her but not the children.


I wish you all the best


Yours


Calley x

BrassicWoman

Comms69 wrote: »

What is my crime? ( yes I’m biased but still!) I called her and emailed her trying to see my kids. Stupid? Sure.

How many times in what time period and what times of day, would give a steer on whether it was intimidating.