Breaking the cycle

LilElvis

Comms69 wrote: »

I work, she stays at home.


So typically I leave home at 8:40 for the school run and get home around 6.

If she's at home, and the children are at school for most of the day, then I'm baffled as to what chores need to be done in the evenings. I'm a SAHM with a large house and there are no household tasks that need doing after my husband gets home, bar cooking our meal (already prepped) and washing up a handful of items. After doing the housework, laundry, shopping etc I still have time to spend on my work as chair of the PTA, do craft stuff, see friends and faff around doing other things for myself before I collect my daughter at 3. I then have 4 hours to spend with her - doing homework, taking her to clubs, cooking together etc. When my husband gets home we therefore have the evening free to spend time as a family and as a couple because I've finished my "work" for the day in the same way my husband has.

Comms69

LilElvis wrote: »

If she's at home, and the children are at school for most of the day, then I'm baffled as to what chores need to be done in the evenings. I'm a SAHM with a large house and there are no household tasks that need doing after my husband gets home, bar cooking our meal (already prepped) and washing up a handful of items. After doing the housework, laundry, shopping etc I still have time to spend on my work as chair of the PTA, do craft stuff, see friends and faff around doing other things for myself before I collect my daughter at 3. I then have 4 hours to spend with her - doing homework, taking her to clubs, cooking together etc. When my husband gets home we therefore have the evening free to spend time as a family and as a couple because I've finished my "work" for the day in the same way my husband has.

Usually there's washing up, tidying, vacuuming, pets to be fed and watered (and dog walked), clothes need washing and uniforms ironing / getting ready.


And tea ofcourse.


On some days there's evening clubs, or shopping.

LilElvis

Comms69 wrote: »

Usually there's washing up, tidying, vacuuming, pets to be fed and watered (and dog walked), clothes need washing and uniforms ironing / getting ready.


And tea ofcourse.


On some days there's evening clubs, or shopping.

But she's got from 8.40 til 6 - the time when you're at work - to do the laundry, ironing and vacuuming! What in God's name does she do all day?

Comms69

LilElvis wrote: »

But she's got from 8.40 til 6 - the time when you're at work - to do the laundry, ironing and vacuuming! What in God's name does she do all day?

Haha not sure!

LilElvis

Comms69 wrote: »

Haha not sure!

If I were you i wouldn't be finding it very funny. It's noon now and I've got a pile of 13 towels and 3 bathmats going through the laundry. 3 beds stripped ready for laundry. I've chopped everything ready for Jambalaya for tonight's dinner. The sauce for tomorrow's lasagne is simmering on the hob. I've made 6 thank you cards. I'm now messing around on here whilst having a cup of coffee and contemplating what to have for lunch. I've still got 7 hours, at least, til my husband gets home to get more stuff done. Your partner's got another 6 - there's no need for there to be more housework that needs doing after that time!

Comms69

LilElvis wrote: »

If I were you i wouldn't be finding it very funny. It's noon now and I've got a pile of 13 towels and 3 bathmats going through the laundry. 3 beds stripped ready for laundry. I've chopped everything ready for Jambalaya for tonight's dinner. The sauce for tomorrow's lasagne is simmering on the hob. I've made 6 thank you cards. I'm now messing around on here whilst having a cup of coffee and contemplating what to have for lunch. I've still got 7 hours, at least, til my husband gets home to get more stuff done. Your partner's got another 6 - there's no need for there to be more housework that needs doing after that time!

I'm laughing more out of surprise that I've not really thought about it before.

LilElvis

Comms69 wrote: »

I'm laughing more out of surprise that I've not really thought about it before.

If you both want more time to spend as a family and a couple then you need to find a way to ask her what she does do during the 9 hours you're at work and for her to make an effort to get all of the housework done in that time. You're time poor, and it's down to her.

Comms69

LilElvis wrote: »

If you both want more time to spend as a family and a couple then you need to find a way to ask her what she does do during the 9 hours you're at work and for her to make an effort to get all of the housework done in that time. You're time poor, and it's down to her.

I agree but I’m not sure now is the right time.

Need things to calm down and improve.

Savvy_Sue

Comms69 wrote: »

I'm laughing more out of surprise that I've not really thought about it before.

but I think you said earlier that when you're home, you do it all. So what does she do when you're at home during the day?

There is the old joke of the father who comes home from work to find a scene of utter devastation, while his wife is sitting in a comfy chair reading a book. "Hello darling," she says. "You know you're always saying you don't know what I do all day? Well, today I didn't do it."

But some of us are a bit mystified ...

Comms69

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

but I think you said earlier that when you're home, you do it all. So what does she do when you're at home during the day?

There is the old joke of the father who comes home from work to find a scene of utter devastation, while his wife is sitting in a comfy chair reading a book. "Hello darling," she says. "You know you're always saying you don't know what I do all day? Well, today I didn't do it."

But some of us are a bit mystified ...

Honestly I’m lost. Sometimes feel like I do it all.

I know that’s not true; I just wanted a normal family life!

Not tea on the table or anything, just a balance of house, kids and relationship.

Now dunno what to think. It’s never nice to think bad of people you love and care about, but maybe she didn’t care.

In 4 years I’ve had 1, 3 day holiday with them.

We have lots of problems; now I just worry that she’ll solve those problems by replacing me

I know how that sounds but I’m still grieving for the loss of the relationship.