Marriage feels like a gamble, what's the point?

Robisere

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

:eek::eek:

Why not?

This is hard to explain and still hurts now. it is nothing simple.

Because the home was a Gasthaus and I was forced out of it by my ex. I was in the Army and she had the Polizei and MP's remove me. I was not confrontational to her, never violent and she was the one always screaming in front of the children, who were crying after me when I was taken away. I was trying to find a way to stay together for the children, by either me leaving the Army or the family coming to the UK with me. She would not hear of either choice. I left Germany and spent my last year of 12 in a UK unit. I tried many times over the years to see and write to my kids, went over there several times looking for them, but in the end they both left their mother and blamed us both. They eventually refused to have any more contact with me.


The way things turned out still breaks my heart and programmes like "Long Lost Family" I cannot watch. However, for the last 30 years I have had the privilege of being dad to a ds and dd who are two lights of my life.


You have woken some emotions in me with this question. There are always reasons for human frailties and mistakes, which cannot be seen from simply imagining a cause, after reading a post on a forum. I hope this satisfies your curiosity.

Red-Squirrel_2

Robisere wrote: »

You have woken some emotions in me with this question. There are always reasons for human frailties and mistakes, which cannot be seen from simply imagining a cause, after reading a post on a forum. I hope this satisfies your curiosity.

You've posted it twice in two days, so you can't really say you didn't want to talk about it!

motorguy

JamesFuller wrote: »

I am not being critical of marriages, it's a great dream and a great way to raise a happy family with kids but it seems depressing how quickly people break-up these days.

Its not a dream for many. Its a reality.

Happily married now for 10 years (as of Tuesday )

Gavin83

I'm getting married in two weeks, don't feel like I'm making a mistake yet!

badmemory

Marriage is a gamble as are the many risks we take in life. But having children or a life together without being married is an even bigger gamble, especially for the one who may have to give up something for the career of the other.

LilElvis

badmemory wrote: »

Marriage is a gamble as are the many risks we take in life. But having children or a life together without being married is an even bigger gamble, especially for the one who may have to give up something for the career of the other.

I gave up my career to be a SAHM but actually, were we to split, I would be better off financially if we weren't married as the vast majority of our cash and investments are in my name as I'm a non-taxpayer. I would never have given up work though without the security of marriage to protect me financially.

blannweil

Life itself is a gamble but we should accept the challenge and just love and enjoy what we have. There are still few who have found true love and married the right person for them.

Fireflyaway

Yes marriages do fail but apart from maybe more complex legalities, whats the difference between a marriage failing or a long term failing or a relationship with kids involved going bad? They can all be painful. It's not marriage but the people that's the problem. My guess is that having kids outside of marriage / kids with different dads / living together / not living together / being gay / being young/ etc is so accepted today that some people just split rather than working through difficulties as they would have historically.
No marriage will be completely smooth because life happens. For me it was important for traditional and religious reasons.

Comms69

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Yes marriages do fail but apart from maybe more complex legalities, whats the difference between a marriage failing or a long term failing or a relationship with kids involved going bad? They can all be painful. It's not marriage but the people that's the problem. My guess is that having kids outside of marriage / kids with different dads / living together / not living together / being gay / being young/ etc is so accepted today that some people just split rather than working through difficulties as they would have historically.
No marriage will be completely smooth because life happens. For me it was important for traditional and religious reasons.

I agree, I’d say the demasculation of men plays a huge role. Atleast in heterosexual relationships.

Who really wants to be with a man child? More in touch with emotions than reality?

Lack of resilience is a key factor in suicide, depression, employability and frankly what lots of people want in a partner.

kimplus8

MovingForwards wrote: »

I started dating my ex at 18, his 20 odd year marriage had just ended.

Started dating him again at 19. 20 years later, including a registry office marriage, the marriage fell apart due to someone half my age and his midlife crisis.

I'm now with someone else, engaged (saving for divorce) and looking forward to our, as yet unplanned, wedding.

Times have changed, men and women are both working, TV isnt as 'pretend' as it used to be and the internet brings the world to your fingertips in seconds.

No longer do people 'have' to stay married if it isnt working out, people dont 'have' to marry because of pregnancy....

so he met you at 18 when is then wife was 40 odd, and met his now partner when you were late 30's 40ish.
what a !!!!, he surely can't be that much of a stud to an 18/19 year old now that he is in his 60's