Marriage feels like a gamble, what's the point?

moneyistooshorttomention

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

By "the one" I think (assume) she means someone that she loves rather than someone that is convenient.

I agree really. Lots of my friends married convenient partners and it doesn't always have very much to do with love.

Yep...that is what I mean (and vice-versa of course).

I've seen people get married before now:
- because they couldnt afford a house on their own
- because they wanted children and werent prepared to "wait it out" for the right person for themselves as well
- because they'd always assumed they would
- because other people wanted them to
- because the other person loved them (but they didnt love them in return)
- to "fit in" (ie rather than thinking for themselves)
- because they were pressurised into doing so by their partner

Robisere

We have been married for 30 years next year, second time for us both. My wife's ex was horrible, lazy, workshy person who stole money from her purse and even tried to have sex with her after they divorced, then stalked her around town on her Friday afternoon off from work, shopping. I challenged him about this and he tried to assault me, which was the wrong move against this ex-soldier.


My ex was German and I was forced out of the home, leaving two children I have never seen again. I left the Army a year later and moved back with my parents. I had a series of unsatisfactory relationships before I met and married the love of my life, who had two teenage kids that have called me dad ever since and gave us 4 smashing grandchildren. It is no exaggeration to say that meeting my lady and having a family, saved my life. I was drinking too much and associating with the wrong people.



My wife and I are no longer in the same shape we once were and we have had several illnesses and operations, including mine for Pancreatic cancer, for which I am having chemotherapy. But we have supported each other through everything, including our son and daughter's marriage breakups. Without bias, both their partners were unsuitable: one neglected and abused our grandchildren, the other just left when our eldest grandson was a toddler. Both our ds and dd have had new partners for some time and are happy.



I just said to my wife on our honeymoon night, that I wanted to wake up with her every day for the rest of my life, and I still feel the same way. She and the family are what I believe in and are my reasons for getting through each day.


It is what you both make of it; it's give and take and ignoring anything that may irritate you about the other, because you can be damned certain that you can be just as irritating to her!

System

I want to get married at some point (not a priority we need somewhere to live first).

I could say whats the point? I mean my mum and bio dad divorced when i was 2, my bio dad and first step mum divorced when i was 12...

..but my mum and step dad have just celebrated 25 years of marriage and thats the example i want to follow.

dawyldthing

I’m never marrying and have always said the same. My mum had 2 relationships, with them both 5 years. Then ring on the finger and separated in the year for both. Something seemed to change. I’ve dated loads but even so I couldn’t imagine living with someone either. I like my independence to do what I want rather than navigate round stuff

bugslet

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I see your point in some ways - but, personally, I would have always wanted the "bit of paper" too if I'd ever got that serious about a man. If they (or you) are going to wander anyway, then a "bit of paper" won't stop that happening - but imo it shows a serious degree of commitment to the relationship and there's a better chance that you'll both "make an effort and try".

I pointed out on here once before that I was out with a customer in his mid 40s for a meal. I'd never been married, but at that point been with Mr Bugs for about 18 years. He was about to get married for the third time.....he asked unmarried me what the secret to making a relationship work:rotfl:

Gavin83

Just marry someone with the same financial means as you and don't have children. That way, should you divorce it's a simple 50/50 split of assets and neither party feels hard done by.

chelseablue

I got married in June and still wondering what's the point :rotfl:

My parents got married 2 years ago after being together over 30 years. They openly admit it was for inheritance tax/pension purposes

Red-Squirrel_2

Robisere wrote: »

My ex was German and I was forced out of the home, leaving two children I have never seen again.

:eek::eek:

Why not?

Arthog

Have you been frightened by those statistics which compare annually the number of weddings taking place and the number of divorces, then announce that x% of marriages fail? A false statistic.


''Marry the person you can't live without''

Primrose

Yes marriage is a gamble, but so is life, unexpected illness, redundancy, serious road accidents and all the other things which people have unexpectedly thrown at them.

I think the secret is to approach it in a mature way, making sure you are compatible before you make a commitment, have the same views on financial matters , children, life aspirations and are capable of being good friends as well as lovers. Be able to laugh a lot together, even when times are bad, and as the old saying goes, never let the sun go down on your anger. Ask yourself how it would feel like if you woke the following day and this person was no longer in your life.

Have passed the 50 year mark together and count myself as incredibly lucky. Marriage can sometimes be hard work, compromises often have to be made but pick the right person and somehow all the other negatives which happen in your life from time to time will be made infinitely more bearable.

Maybe you just haven't been lucky enough yet to have met that "right" person.