Marriage feels like a gamble, what's the point?

JamesFuller

It seems like more and more marriages are failing.

Some end after 3-4 years, some after 7-10 years, and even heard of ones that end after 20+ years.

What it leaves is usually a heartache and lots of financial mess by the sound of things.

So what's the point of doing marriages in the modern world? It feels like taking a gamble. You might like / love the person now but it's not guaranteed.

And for good and bad reasons there is more choice available now to stray or find someone new if things get rocky.

I am not being critical of marriages, it's a great dream and a great way to raise a happy family with kids but it seems depressing how quickly people break-up these days.

longforgotten

If you think it's a gamble then you haven't found the right person........then you would be thinking the odds are in your favour for your marriage to last

jackieblack

I'm one of the "20+ years" statistics
I don't regret getting married, we had 23 years when we were (both) really happy and thought we'd grow old together.
Unfortunately ex-hubby's mid-life crisis hit like a ton of bricks and he became a completely different person. By the time he emerged (mostly) from the other side of it, too much damage had been done.
But I feel very lucky to have had 23 really happy years together (it's a lot more than some people get!) and despite how things turned out, I had no doubts at all when I got married.

As the above poster said, if you're not sure that you want to get married then you haven't met the right person yet.

And NOTHING in life is guaranteed (apart from death and taxes )

BTW, my parents have been married for 53 years and our daughter got married 4 months ago, so our divorce obviously didn't put her off!

Ganga

Yes its a gamble,we have only been married 46 years this September,who knows if it will last.

Trina90

Seen all the marriages in my family last, so I've a positive outlook on marriage. I've only been married a year but we've been together for over 8 years, so it wasn't a rushed decision. I've known from the beginning that he was 'the one', even when we parted briefly as teenagers.. we couldn't bear to be apart.

If you really have to ask, I don't think you've found 'The One'.

Marvel1

The joys of living alone - used to being independent.

Enterprise_1701C

Can you imagine life without your partner?

We have been married 33 years. Yes, we have had to fall back in love more than once, we have had good times and bad, once or twice I have had to face the idea of life without my partner and simply could not, fortunately that has not come about.

The simple thing is we want a life together.

I still get excited when my partner comes in, and nervous when my partner is late. No-one knows what true love is, but I think we are pretty close.

MovingForwards

I started dating my ex at 18, his 20 odd year marriage had just ended.

Started dating him again at 19. 20 years later, including a registry office marriage, the marriage fell apart due to someone half my age and his midlife crisis.

I'm now with someone else, engaged (saving for divorce) and looking forward to our, as yet unplanned, wedding.

Times have changed, men and women are both working, TV isnt as 'pretend' as it used to be and the internet brings the world to your fingertips in seconds.

No longer do people 'have' to stay married if it isnt working out, people dont 'have' to marry because of pregnancy....

moneyistooshorttomention

Personally - I do tend to feel a bit cynical re some peoples reasons for marrying.

I've been fortunate in never wanting children - as otherwise I might have had "maternal hormones" pushing me in a direction not of my own choosing iyswim. So that was one pressure less to marry "someone/anyone" that I didn't have:)

There was a LOT of financial pressure to do so - and I do know very well I've been a lot worse off than I would probably have been if I had got married (as singles are so much worse off all else being equal). I did feel very pressurised by financial considerations - but I refused to give in to them and just gritted my teeth about being so much worse off.

There was a lot of pressure from Society too - the sheer weight of assumptions all round that I would do so.

If I had given way to pressures of any description and "settled" then I'm pretty darn sure I'd be divorced by now. Either he or I (or both of us) would have probably been unfaithful (as we'd have known deep down that the other person wasnt The One).

I am totally convinced that people need to be strong enough to wait for The One (even though I don't think the odds of meeting them are very good actually - and it's certainly largely down to luck whether one does so or no). So there is quite a large risk of finding one meets them very belatedly or not at all - but I still reckon it's a better idea to wait than to "settle". Imo "settling" is where the gamble comes into it as to whether it will last or no.

NeilCr

cjdavies wrote: »

The joys of living alone - used to being independent.

Yep. Been married.

Much happier with my current arrangement - living alone with a partner who has her own place, too. We meet a couple of times a week and then get on with our separate lives. It suits us - we usually go out and eat and it's like dating all the time. Plenty to talk about when we do get together about what's been happening. We also go out with our friends.

I like the independence but being part of a couple. . It works for her - she has big family commitments and doesn't need me under her feet.

zcrat41

As a woman I'd say it's the opposite of a gamble. It's security for the partner that goes p/t to look after the kids. It's commitment that he is going to hang around when we had children.

Other than he's my best friend and the love of my life.