Getting debt free with a partner you struggle to communicate with about finances

Gemsy81

Wishing you lots of luck OP, it's really hard to bear the burden alone, I think you'll find this is the best step you have ever taken.

middleclassbutpoor

Thanks for updating - I hope your journey goes smoothly for you both.

crazy_cat_lady

Start a diary if you want to. It's your diary and your situation - I had a diary when I was paying off debt, then kept it once I was out of debt because of the support I got, and still get. Unfortunately my circumstances have changed and I am going to have some debt to deal with again soon, but I'm keeping my diary because it's great to have likeminded people around to help and support.
Also wanted to say, well done on making the decision. It was many years ago I started on a DMP but I still remember the relief I felt when I only had my budget to think about and not all of the other juggling and stressing.

ERPY85

Hi all

Sorry to restart this post but just having a day where I want to cry.

I had accepted my fate, accepted a DRO was my route and was ok with it.

But today I'm not. Today I just feel like a horrible horrible failure. I keep thinking of ways I can pay my debt, but I just know that there is no chance of making any considerable payments on a DMP until at least my kids are at school and childcare isnt an issue (and they are only 1 and 2 at the moment, so its years away!). So I know a DRO is it. But I'm wobbling today, I just feel wretched. I can't believe I am facing this, I've been so bloody irrresponsible.

It doesnt help that the DRO process is much slower than I was expecitng, it's been 3 weeks and except for an automated email I've had no contact from Stepchange (i have phoned them and they have confirmed that it is being processed). So i keep panicking and thinking I'm messing up my life here and trying to think and think if there is anything else I can do, but I know there isnt. But I'm going round in circles. And when I did speak to Stepchange they've advised I don't put through the DRO even when it is done until around the end of October as I have used one of my credit cards at the beginning of August and they are saying the creditor will put in an objection, which no on has mentioned at any point in this process. So that's really worried me as I've already written to all the credit card companies and said I am speaking with stepchange and I will make token payments, and now Im worried I'll have debt collectors knocking before the process has all started.

It also doesnt help that I've just been to my sisters and she doesnt know about my situation, and she was on the phone to Virgin trying to get a tv/internet package in her new house. She was having problems so passed me the phone and the line was bad and the person had an accent and my kids were there and messing about and it was all just really quick and without thinking I gave my name and addresses, and now shes got a contract. But thinking it through this is credit isnt it? In my name? And that's probably going to balls things up with the DRO? And if she doesnt pay (which she doesnt sometimes) it's going to be more crap on my already destroyed credit file. So I've come away feeling physically sick. I probably need to tell her she'll have to cancel it, which means explaining to her whats happening, and i probably need to speak to step change. But i can't face any of it now, I just want to hide somewhere dark and quiet and ignore it all.:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Willing2Learn

There is nothing to feel bad, guilty or ashamed about. You have come up against a problem, and are taking the necessary steps to resolve the situation. Finding solutions to debt problems is all about taking baby-steps. But you have now taken enough baby-steps to equate to a giant leap forward. You are a lot closer now, to being debt-free than you were 5-6 weeks ago. Be proud of the progress you have made.

fatbelly

Stepchange are notoriously slow and often raise spurious issues. But they get there in the end.

Nothing is going to happen to you between now and October. A bit of interest added, a few more standard letters. No debt collectors. No point making token payments

Then it'll be submitted and 2 days later accepted.

ERPY85

Thanks Willing2Learn and fatbelly.

I've managed to speak to my sister and explain the situation and she has sorted the virgin and is removing my name so that's something.

I've cried a lot today. I still don't feel good, but I'm doing what I need to do. Stepchange have said they need my student loan letters, even though its not included, and my water bill, as its considered credit, so I'm sorting those bits out. Then hopefully nothing else will hold it up when I finally go through the process.

I am literally paying each of my credit cards £2 a month, I just feel better having something set up temporarily until the DRO is done as that's what Stepchange advised.

fatbelly

I understand, but my thinking is that £2 is better in your pocket than theirs. It's all going to be written off soon anyway.

Stepchange will record the student debt but mark it excluded. It's another waste of time but anyone auditing them would criticise if they didn't do it.

Water is a debt unless you are completely up to date. It would normally be a joint debt and therefor the debt goes to your partner but some water authorities write off the debt in that situation so it's worth doing.

JCS1

The DRO is a fresh start for you, it may be difficult to see it as that at the moment, but in time I'm sure you will.

ERPY85

I'm really sorry to resurrect this post again, but I hope in a way it will help anyone else going through stepchange and potential DRO route etc.

So, as an update I got my 'DRO' application through from Stepchange a month ago, but I've done nothing with it as I've previously posted I have to wait until 3 months have passed since I last used a credit card, which is in a few weeks. So I was waiting for that. Anyway, I got an email from Stepchange saying I had to phone them within 14 days or they'd assume I didn't want to go ahead. So I phoned them today and ended up in floods of tears and terminating the phone call and now I feel totally lost.

Along with the DRO application was a letter asking for details about a credit union account I hold (there's £20 in it), so I phoned to give them this information. Their letter didn't ask for anything else. However when I checked the dro application it had different income amounts than those I'd given to Stepchange, so I wanted to query that.

I was talking to the advisor at Stepchange and he said he would get to the reason they had changed the amounts, but we never got that far as I got too upset. The reason I got upset is that he started querying the budget and saying they didn't think. It would be accepted, saying it would be queried as my husbands contribution would probably be considered too low. The thing is I've redone this budget twice now, each time I've spoken to a Stepchange advisor on the phone. The figures have been reached using their advice. But he basically said it wasn't any good, and I'm totally lost. How is it possible to allocate every penny of what life costs and distribute this?! My husband has more income from employment, but I've allocated all tax credits and child benefit income to me, so that plus my employed income is equal to his earnings (more in fact). I've tried to do it fairly, I've been honest, but now I'm being told it's wrong. I just wish they'd use standard figures and split it how they want. It's a pointless system anyway asking me what my budget is, because if I'm paying 'too much' for something they tell you to change the figures anyway. Its like making up numbers!

I just feel like giving up on the whole DRO and just letting the debtors pursue us, it just feels too hard to come up with the 'right' figures, the process makes no sense.

What am I supposed to do? Redo the budget again, just make up figures they think will be accepted?

I have to be honest I do not have particularly great feelings about Stepchange right now, I feel like I've been given conflicting advice depending on the advisor, and I don't know what to do for the best.

Is this normal? Or am I somehow messing this up?