Getting debt free with a partner you struggle to communicate with about finances

fatbelly

OK, what I said before was

"Stepchange are notoriously slow and often raise spurious issues. But they get there in the end."

I should have added "... usually"

I'm an intermediary at Citizens Advice and I've done a lot of them. Most go smoothly but not all.

It's the weekend now. See how you feel about it on Monday. Maybe give them one last go. Do you have a Citizens Advice or local debt centre where you live?

ERPY85

Hi. There is a citizens advice here, do you think it's worth speaking to them instead of step change then? I'm just so worried that with a varying income I am going to end up with the DRO failing. For example one month I earned around £1000, this month I earned £700, the DRO is based on an average, but if increase the average so I don't earn 'too much' , then I might end up not qualifying for the DRO because of the excess £50.

And the budget is hard too because in our household we have 2 adults and 2 children full time, but I also have two step children, and there is no way to account for that in the budget as they aren't my responsibility, but it obviously accounts for where some of my husbands income goes. We have them for around one third of the year so that has extra costs as for that one third of the year we have 2 extra mouths to feed, clothes to buy etc etc. My husband pays maintenence at CSA rate but also pays extra for school trips etc (for example the month where I earned £1000 we had to give £120 for a school trip, a one off end of primary school thing, but still a cost). So on the face of my budget Stepchange are saying my husband isn't contributing enough, but he has this maintenence to pay, and his debts etc.

I know I'm waffling now, but I feel like I should start again with my budget somehow, but don't know where to start.

fatbelly

I think you should persevere with stepchange until they get to the point where they say they wont submit it. Because if they submit it, it will be accepted, and they have already done 95% of the work needed

(Actually they cannot refuse to submit an application but have the option to 'submit against advice'. You don't want them to do that)

If it fails, try Cit A. As for 'for that one third of the year we have 2 extra mouths to feed, clothes to buy etc etc. My husband pays maintenance at CSA rate but also pays extra for school trips etc ' - I would factor that in on a joint financial statement then extract your personal one from that.

We always knew the financial statement bit was the tricky bit - I said that in post #36

zippygeorgeandben

You need to research how to control your emotions as well. It's irrelevant what has gone on financially in the past and now this is your long journey moving forward but if you can't control the tears it's difficult. You should keep this thread open and talk about your process too, how you are feeling, not post just when emotional as it skews your outlook.
Take a read of some stories on here from people (with a lot more debt than you!) and how they dealt with it, not only financially but emotionally too.
Best of luck.

ERPY85

Thanks fatbelly and zippygeorgeandben, I'll try and find some time on Monday to call stepchange again. I am probably being over emotional, I haven't been very well and probably not at my best, and I was actually off sick from work on Friday and as my kids were at nursery I thought it'd be a good time to call them, but maybe being run down and sleep deprived wasn't the best day in hindsight! I do need to get a grip on my emotions when dealing with all of this.

I think the reason why my call with them went so badly is because I just wasn't expecting issues with the budget at this stage. Because I'd discussed the budget with them, and their letter just said I needed to call to clarify the credit union, I wasn't expecting the budget to be an issue. Its also confusing as they sent the barcode to pay the fee to the insolvency service, and I just assumed I had done all I needed to do, I thought I was at the end of the process, where the budget feels like the beginning.

They haven't said it would be 'submitted against advice' but I will ask them to clarify if this would be the case if it went through as it currently stands. I'll update on Monday with where I stand.

redpete

Jut as a side issue, you need to stop taking all the blame and getting so negative on yourself. You seem to be taking all the responsibility to sort out problems with barely any support from your husband and you have made it clear that a large part of the reason for getting in debt is down to him.

It's a credit to you that you are taking all this on, stick with it :-)

(And head off the temptation to see spending money on treats as the solution to your husband's problems.)

ERPY85

Hi everyone. I thought I'd put an update on here, nothing really to report re the DRO or stepchange as I haven't had chance to ring them again as circumstances this week just haven't allowed it around looking after my children and work. However, I'm trying to stay positive and generally feeling quite relaxed again at the moment despite everything not being any different from last week!

I applied for 2 new jobs a few weeks ago and have got through to the next stage for both. One I know I can't really afford to go for as it's less money and temporary (however I would love the job!) and one that is still with my current employer, but in a different department for more money, which hopefully will have progression opportunities (which my current position doesn't). I have an interview for the temporary one on 8th November. The next stage for the one at my current place is sadly done through a 'personality quiz' and a 'scenario assessment' before I get as far as an interview. I have done them this evening, but it's impossible to tell how it went, especially with the personality questions which were frankly just bizarre! So I guess a computer somewhere is deciding my fate now... Fingers crossed!

With any luck I'll get chance to ring stepchange on my lunch break tomorrow and see where to go next with the DRO.

I hope no one minds we posting, I think it's for my own sake really just to keep the debts and dro in my mind, but with a bit of perspective

ERPY85

Hi all. Just an update (I'm not sure if there is an admin on the board who feels these updates/this post would be best moved to a debt free diary boardor whether it can stay here?). Anyhow I am updating as I said I would.

I finally got chance to speak to Stepchange on Wednesday and spoke to a really helpful advisor there, who explained things in a much more informative way than the other adviser who I spoke to previously. After discussing our circumstances he thinks my budget is perfectly fine, given my husbands personal debts and personal obligations (inc maintenance for previous children). He just said they needed notes on their system to explain this as they could then reply to the insolvency service should they query our household budget and the contributions we make.

So as it stands all is good and the DRO is basically ready to go. Frustratingly though when checking my statements from my credit cards for up to date balances there is a random amazon payment on one as late as 23rd August 2018, I didn't purchase anything but I have in the past on my husbands amazon account, and I have a feeling he may have inadvertently purchased something on this date using my card as the details were stored (of course I have ensured since they have been deleted). So now I have to wait until the end of November before submitting the DRO as it won't have been 3 months since I last the used the card, but hopefully there will be no debt recovery action before then!

I have an interview this Thursday for the job I have applied for and would love, but can't afford to take (but I'm going anyway) and no news yet on the one the computer is deciding my fate on, so doesn't seem like its probably good news, but no worries either way as I have a job which is secure so will just keep plodding along for now.

zippygeorgeandben

On a different note, is it fair going for a job interview, wasting people's time, potentially being offered a job you have no intention of accepting and taking a chance away from someone else who does what the job?

fatbelly

zippygeorgeandben wrote: »

On a different note, is it fair going for a job interview, wasting people's time, potentially being offered a job you have no intention of accepting and taking a chance away from someone else who does what the job?

Happens all the time. We devote a day (sometimes two) to interviewing for a vacancy, and try to interview all realistic candidates. If our first choice turns us down, for whatever reason, we move on to choice 2. People apply for jobs for a whole variety of reasons.

An interview is a two-way process anyway. I expect the interviewee to ask me questions. I'd be disappointed if they didn't