should i bother telling OH ?

Ellidee

Hiya hon. Everything sounds so awful for you. The only thing I can think to suggest is could you find out if there is a Womens Refuge near to you ?Not for you to move there but to get some help and support. Abuse doesn't just mean physical and the scars you can't see are often the worst. Hope you can find a way out and sending you a (((((((hug)))))). XX

*Louise*

Bartgirl - I have just read through this thread for the first time, and can I just say that, although you seemed really worn down in your original post, it's good to see that your posts have changed since then and you now seem a lot more positive and determined to sort things - well done!:T


You have the upper hand here, and he obviously doesn't appreciate how lucky he is. If you're ready to find yourself again, then get rid of him....but make sure you tell him exactly why.

I bet in the future, there is a wonderful guy who will love you and appreciate you.:D

duchy

I've read your other posts too BartGirl and I know you say you have no other support-but I'm still trying to figure out what support he DOES give you.
I'm passing through your place of work in a couple of weeks-I'll look out for a lady with Primark carrier bag and a determined look on her face and say Hi
I used to live around your area and you're pretty well off for colleges and social support. I really think some kind of empowerment training could help you. If you contact your local Women's Aid office they may be able to help you find one. I think you're getting there and it would give you the confidence you need. I have no doubt that you have the ability-that's clear by how well you manage even with his hinderence-you just need a tiny bit more self-belief that he's sapped from you !

Dinah93

Going back a few posts to things you said -

He doesn't want you to loose weight because he worries you'll gain confidence and other men will notice you and you'll leave him! If he puts you down you'll feel like you do, and not feel like you deserce better than this!

After 7 years together, its rare women will go the whole nine yards on their day off if they're just staying round the house. I've been living with my partner 2 years and on a weekend i tend to just tie my hair back and throw on any old rubbish thats comfy since i'm not going to be doing much more than cleaning and no one will see anyway. Sounds like he expects a stepford wife, and what he got was a real woman. He obviously does still find you attractive if he's still making advances, despite what he says.

Personally I would disagree with setting up a joint account unless you trust him 100%, as the money you think is being saved up for a bed or coat, he might just withdraw money for a big night out. Or claim he 'needs' it for something personal cos he's unable to budget.

You seem to have a good grasp of the situation, and you know that compared to him, you could get your life sorted out post-breakup a lot better, and go on to be much happier. It isn't a case of one-upmanship, just that I know you will pull through this.

D x

Mrs_A_4

Congratulations on having morals. He should be proud of you insisting on supporting your family. It's easy for strangers to tell you to chuck him, so take time to take stock of yourself. Go to Relate - alone if he won't join you. Be strong!

Savvy_Sue

OK, a housing association flat - whose name on the tenancy agreement? If it's yours AND his, talk to your HO about what you'd have to do if YOU wanted him to leave.

If it's just you, you have nothing to lose ...

Ellidee

Hiya hon hope you are OK . Just wondered how things are as you haven't posted in a while? Take care XX

BartGirl

Dear Ellidee
Thanks for asking after me..
I've been busy since payday sorting out bills etc and trying to generally MSE my lifestyle..
Things with OH are more or less the same. He stepped up to the plate and surprisingly took us to Thorpe Park on Sat; and in the meantime we dont really conversate much - its just made me realise how much i dont really want him around really.
I know i've become withdreawn in myself and i think he's noticed cos he's being super-nice and super-wellbehaved too - even giving DS attention! but at the end of the day - deep down i feel its over. Its hard for me to come to that conclusion but thats how i feel.

Ellidee

:grouphug: Aww hon just wanted to send you a hug it must be so hard for you. Is their anyone you can talk to ? Confide in ? I haven't got any advice except to say follow your gut feelings. Remember whatever happens you will survive. XX