should i bother telling OH ?

BartGirl

My OH does little / nothing to support our home, and this month we need:

1. bed for DS who's out--grown his cot
2. new buggy
3. new coat - he's using last years winter 1 :mad:

Yesterday in conversation OH tried to cancel an outing to Thorpe Park that he'd cancelled a few weeks ago - he's tried to squeeze out of it cos his mates getting hitched..anyway - i put my foot down, and during that conversation, he threw in the fact that 'he's skint - even though he got paid a few days ago!!' he was whinging about the fact that he hasnt any money etc etc..

So my question regarding: 'should i bother telling OH ?' is: I've decided to go ahead and get the stuff myself.
Usually I'd hang on until he feels guilty for not having contributed - but this can go on for weeks and i dont see why DS should go without just cos his dad's got pathetic $$ management skills..

I've seen a bed on ebay which can be delivered. Should i tell him that i'm going to do this or just do it ?
The reason I ask is because last time we needed car seat - i showed him the mothercare website - asked for his opinion - he pointed at practically the most expensinve item - i said i cant afford and he bit my head off: "dont ask me then, if u dont want my opinion - get what your pocket can afford or wait another month and i'll add something". But i could not wait another month cos we could barely strap DS into his seat - it was far too small..
So i went ahead and bought the seat anyway..he whinged about the quality etc when it arrived but i remineded him that 'thats what i could afford'.

So should i just bid and if i win - get it delivered while he's out, then say "look what i got off ebay" when he comes home ??
At the end of the day - even if i mention it in advance, he's not going to be able to contribute anyth towards it - he's already whinging that he's broke..

megpen

hi bartgirl,

this is a tricky one. my gut feelling says yes, tell your ordering it tonight and that you are paying yourself.

your ds' needs the bed, so i can't see what else you can do??

maypole

As far as new coat for child or any childrens clothes are concerned, ASDA and PRIMARK are so cheap, you should not have any problems.

longforgotten

Only read part of OP post as I don't understand why someone would accept the other half getting away with such an attitude.

I wouldn't be wondering about buying the things myself and I would be showing him the slick side of the door !....as my mother used to say.

Dan_Thunder

I'd buy the bed, leave it outside, then when your OH comes home point to it and say "That's yours until you stop acting like a w*nker and grow up" and then go inside and lock the door!

Jo_R_2

I used to have an OH similar to this. I put up with it for a couple of years. He'd spent money for the girls on beer - he spent the money for DD2's baby stuff on going out.

Sorry not helpful - that OH is now ex-OH. But I used to wait around for him then found out he'd spent the money. Don't bother waiting if you know what he's going to say. Buy the bed yrself for DS.

As for yr OH... well I like what Dan said but not sure how productive that would be - though damn satisfying if I'd have done that to my ex-OH!

Peakma

if money is tight have you thought about asking for the things you need on freecycle?
Its amazing what people give away,its not all old junk thats not worth selling.I have had loads of decent stuff(and given away a fair bit).So it might be worth you putting a wanted post on.People(myself included)enjoy being able to offer relevant stuff to people who can make use of it.

madison's_mum

Buy everything then invoice him for his half of it, say its due in 30 days & can come of next months money!

miserly_mum

BartGirl wrote: »

My OH does little / nothing to support our home

Yesterday in conversation OH tried to cancel an outing to Thorpe Park that he'd cancelled a few weeks ago - he's tried to squeeze out of it cos his mates getting hitched..anyway - i put my foot down, and during that conversation, he threw in the fact that 'he's skint - even though he got paid a few days ago!!' he was whinging about the fact that he hasnt any money etc etc..

I'm assuming if he tried to cancel the day out because his friend is getting married its because he wants to go to the wedding/stag do or whatever?

How's he planning to do that if he's skint????? Maybe he's not as skint as he wants you to think.

r.mac_2

this is a hard one - everyone prioritises things differently, however I do agree that children need to come first.

Do what you can regarding new coat bed etc as you and someone else said primark, supermarkets and ebay as well as freecycle can really help.

On a longer terms basis why not think about opening a small savings account for these outlays. If your OH was to put a small amount in on payday there wouldn't be the same 'discussion' everytime you had to buy something. Just a suggestion - you may find another way works best for you.

Good luck and if the bed is good value and it is necessary then go for it xxx

BartGirl

Thanks everyone for your ideas - he'll be home soon so i think i'll mention it to him then..
The coat i was going to buy from asda or primark, but the ones they had were quite 'flimsy' so i decided to budget £20 and managed to get one for less from H & M this afternoon. I last shopped there a year ago for DS in the summer sale, i am forever in primark but this year they disappointed..unfort'ly my lil ones all flued up so wanted to get somthing 'decent'..depsite the fact we live in primark year round..