should i bother telling OH ?

LilMissEmmylou

bart girl for things like coats etc in future check out your local NCT sales and charity shops - you will save a small fortune

Also perhaps you and your OH should set aside a monthly budget for DS. You each contribute a % of your earnings (or whatever way u want to work it) to an account for buying essentials for the baby, perhaps you wont spend it every month but no doubt it will mount up when you need to buy bigger items or treats. Your right its NOT fair he would have to wait because his dad is rubbish with money.
Hope you get it sorted though

conradmum

Why are you with this man? I say this because I remember earlier posts from you on this topic.

It's every parent's duty to support their children. If you're looking after them he should be supporting them financially. What does he contribute to the household? He sounds like dead weight to me and would be better got rid of.

BartGirl

Conrad mum: You're right, i should be shot of him, but its not that easy. If you HAD read my ealier posts, then you'd know why i'm still here..I guess i'm scared of being on my own and i have no real 'support network' so i'm just preparing myself to leave. Mentally, financially and emotionally..

In anycase, I mentioned the bed to him last night, and he didnt flinch. I said it'd be coming off ebay and he said 'Oh ok then' so thats that..

I also told him about the coat which full price was £25 but i got it for £18 (didnt tell him that tho!) he again didnt flinch...

dearbarbie

God, he sounds like a right one. Sorry to be so blunt. I hope that soon you find the support that you need to get out of this situation.

misswig

Good for you:j

Can i just ask though, what is his reason for assuming that evreything which needs to be bought for your DS should be paid for soley by you when he spends his money on himself??? You do not have to justify what YOU spend on your DS when he does not justify what HE spends on himself.

FWIW I was in your situation 2 years ago with an unhappy marriage, an OH who although loved our DS was not interested in being a father and very little support network close by as everyone lived away from me although my family were and still are extremely supportive. My DS was 14 months at the time. I left him and 'struck out' on my own. It was extremely hard, heartbreaking and to be honest, i have only just begun to come to terms with it after 2 years but i am happy with my life and more importantly, my DS is an extremely happy and well balanced little boy. I'm not so sure this would have been the case had i stayed:o

You have the support of all your fellow MSEers

xx

snowmaid

It's not easy to be in your situation and it's easy for us on the outside to say 'be rid of him'.

However, please please please try take stock of your situation as unemotionally as is possible. Ask yourself why are you with him:

Love? If it is love, I don't see this love being returned. If it was returned he would be holding 2 jobs to ensure that you and your DS were secure. He would be cancelling his outings to ensure his DS got his. He would be doing all possible. From what I can see he isn't.

Sex? Get a vibrator! They don't drink, spend money or give you mouth and when their 'battery' starts to give up, you can replace it!

Money? He isn't contributing a penny! In fact, it sounds like you are supporting him financially. He is getting away with murder. There are plenty of jobs that he could do, but is also one of these that makes excuses of being skint, but doesn't want to do anything about it.

Staying for your son? What is your son benefiting from? Father that cares for him? Your OH wanted to cancel his trip to Thorpe Park! Doesn't sound like he has his best interests at heart? Does he play ball with him? Take him to the park? etc.

Security? What security? You sound as if you are living day to day with no mutual direction or goals. If someone broke in, he sounds the type that would hide behind you! (No disrepect meant!)

Lonely? Get a dog! They will be totally loyal and love you for who you are and will never leave your side.

Seriously though, you are stronger than what you think. Try to get some self-esteem, realise you are worth so much more than this and don't have to settle for this rubbish. Make active plans towards being by yourself, you and your DS and then dedicate your time to your son, don't waste it on someone who doesn't deserve what you have to offer.

Good luck!

myrnahaz

Bartgirl, if he's as selfish as he sounds then you are already managing on your own, aren't you?
If you left him then at least you'd know where you were financially - and you'd actually improve emotionally because you wouldn't have a useless lump holding you down with his 'come-here-go-away' tactics.

mummy_Jay

Start doing an accounts book so you know what you spend on monthly things, bills, food, essentials etc. Use it to put a budget together

Tell him what you expect him to pay, and try to get him to put a direct debit together to give you this sum each month. [on a side note if you left him and went through the CSA they would go after at least 15% of his take home pay, you may want to point this out to him]

Try and take over the family finances, such that you give him, his spending money allowance rather than him having all the money and give you what he feels like.

As for leaving him if you want ot do this, why not throw him out, as you have a child that needs a roof over his head.

Work on your support network, get to know your neighbours and the some of the other mums, you need this wheither you stay with him or not. Do you have family near by?

BartGirl

these posts have knocked me for 6...
i'll reply once i've got stock of my thoughts..

sooz

Men usually need to have the bleeding obvious pointed out to them IN BIG LETTERS!

My OH is lovely (and now very generous) but we went through an awful patch before we were married, when we first moved in together, when I paid for everything, despite being horribly overdrawn.

He never noticed how much I was struggling, and how much I was worrying...from little things like being worried about turning the heat on as I couldn't afford the bills, to being unable to pay the phone bill, or find money for food & the rent.

In the end, I had to sit down and tell him exactly how much it was worrying me, and how I needed him to help pay for things. We were living together, and yet as I'd moved in to the flat first, everything was in my name, and he thought this was ok.

We moved out, and found a new larger flat, and put both names on all the bills and the rental agreement. And got married!