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MeandO

Thanks HSL2. There has been no offer on the house unfortunately, apparently the potential buyers ‘loved it’ but have more to see which is usually a polite way of saying thanks, but no thanks. There are no further viewings booked so I have emailed the agent about lowering the price. I’m even more desperate to get out of here after some vehicle crime and suspicious activity by people in the early hours of the morning overnight, reported by several neighbours today. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping too well tonight.

Touch wood, I think I have solved the phone issue. I deleted a load of things and reset other things and it seems to be working ok now. I really don’t want to waste my money on a new phone atm.

DS is back with me and we’ve had a lovely day. I insisted that we were going out for a good walk somewhere today as, left to do so, DS will spend his day in front of a variety of screens, so I packed us a little picnic and drove to a remote country park/ woodland type place about 25 minutes away. There was hardly anyone else there and the weather was sunny without being too hot so it was lovely. We spent a few hours there and got a good bit of exercise in whilst having fun and feel so much better for it. I’m going to find somewhere else for us to go tomorrow and do much the same. 

I have been feeling pretty horrendous about myself for a while now and, after catching sight of myself in a floor length mirror yesterday and barely recognising the person staring back at me, am now determined to improve things and make myself happier and healthier. 

I’ve counted calories and eaten well today, got my exercise in and ordered a load of fresh fruit, veg and ingredients to make some healthy meals. I sat down last night and planned lots of recipes to make that are quick and easy and can be frozen too. Of course, that means spending more money on groceries - something that I really didn’t want to do - but I realised last night that I have been making a list of food to feed DS the weeks he’s with me and only shopping a few days before he comes home. I haven’t actually been buying food to feed myself, so it’s no wonder I have been picking and munching on whatever I can find it the fridge and cupboards and feeling completely fed up and bored with eating the same things and trying to think of new things to eat/make. Everything has been ‘on toast’ lately and I haven’t really been eating meals, just picking all day.  I may be saving money, but I’m making myself miserable and unwell in the long run.
So, I placed a Tesco order last night to arrive tonight - fruit, veg, healthy lunch foods, ingredients for ACTUAL meals, spending £57.55. I have to keep reminding myself that I am worth it and need to look after myself for DS’s sake.

My wonderful parents kindly sent £20 to us today to ‘buy a treat.’ I feel slightly bad, but I am thinking of paying it off the mortgage as there really is nothing else we need or can pay for as a treat atm. We can’t really go anywhere as everything is closed or I wouldn’t feel safe doing and we don’t generally eat out or buy takeaway anyway, I can’t justify the cost. DS still has quite a lot of his own spending money put aside for when he wants to buy something but he can’t think of anything he wants atm either, so it’ll go to the mortgage or the savings pot.

This morning DS and I bought a movie from sky store, using credit I’d swapped for rolled over data on our phones. We don’t use anywhere near the amount of data we have for our £10 a month Sim only deal and I can ‘cash in’ unused data for various offers. The best value for us is for sky store vouchers, so we had £25 to spend. The ridiculously overpriced kids movie just released cost £15.99, so there’s another £10 credit left for when the next overpriced movie is released.

I’ve been saving the washing until we had a sunny day this week so managed to get a big load done and dried today, with another load ready to do tomorrow so no need for the tumble dryer. It’s the little wins in life eh?

MagicCat

So pleased you're looking after yourself too @MeandO, it's so important. I totally sympathise with the suddenly catching sight of yourself moment, but eating better will definitely help. You are worth it!

MeandO

Thank you MagicCat x

MeandO

Despite the dodgy goings on here recently, and the next door neighbours being really noisy in their garden til very late last night, I slept really well... until 2.30am when someone on the street insisted on ‘beeping’ goodbye as they dropped their friend home. Yes, 2.30am. I’ve never lived anywhere before where there is such a lack of thought and respect for others. So, I’m really tired today but have kept up with the healthy eating and have really enjoyed food so far. I don’t remember the last time I was so excited by the contents of my fridge... I did well out of the Mr T shop as they substituted my cheaper strawberries with the more expensive super-sweet ones which are lovely. The same for some basa I ordered as the cod was too expensive, but they actually substituted it with cod. It is lovely to have options of lovely healthy food in the fridge and cupboards, I really do need to keep up with buying foods for myself too and find a way of minimising the cost at the same time. I feel incredibly guilty spending money on myself though, it’s stupid, but I feel like I could be putting it to much better use such as paying the mortgage off or adding to the savings. I had to borrow the money from the car maintenance pot to pay for the Tesco shopping so will need to repay the pot when more money comes in.

Again, I’ve made sure we got some fresh air and exercise and have taken us out for a walk around some woods today, with a £2 spend on the car park. It was less enjoyable than yesterday as it’s a popular spot and there were a lot of people around, but we got an hour of exercise in. I’m going to try and make sure we get out every day this week, even if it’s just a couple of walks around the block. 

CB is paid in tomorrow and the tax credits on Wednesday, thank goodness. There is only about £28 in my main ‘bills and shopping’ account atm, so it was getting a bit dire. I’m still determined to pay off at least £75 from the mortgage this month though. 

Honeysucklelou2

Your determination to  chip away at the mortgage is inspirational.

Fresh air is a wonderful tonic!  Well done on the healthy eating.

How is your mum? Hope she is feeling better.

MeandO

Thank you HSL2.  Kind of you to ask after my Mum too. xx She says she has had a better couple of days, but her version of 'better' are days that would probably floor most of the rest of us. Unfortunately her condition is unlikely to ever improve now.  
DS has excitedly been talking this week about 'if Nanny is feeling ok when we go and stay with them next, we could take her to play pooh sticks,' it breaks my heart as she will not ever be that ok to manage even that again.

MeandO

Child tax credits went in today, so I've paid £74.23 off the mortgage to round it down to exactly £98,500. I've overpaid £821.04 since mid March now so am quite proud of that.
I've bought another £25 premium bond and £25 has gone to the emergency fund, so the savings are up to £3850 (£4250 with the car & gifts pots included).

I've changed my internet/phone/TV package as the prices were going to increase on those from September. It'll now be £52 a month all in, but I have to pay £30 for an aerial to be put up (not one here) and the old 'set up and postage of equipment fee.' I debated over the aerial thing as we'll be moving when this house is sold, but I'll make the saving back over 2 months so it's worth it. This will all save me about £25 a month from August onwards.

I'm feeling quite low in both energy and enthusiasm for life this week. Partly, probably, to the lack of sleep - I've been having horrible nightmares this week, they type that wake you up so distressed that you don't want to go back to sleep, mostly about those nearest and dearest to me, and last night, about my wonderful Grandad who died nearly 25 years ago. I guess it must be stress and worry induced, I don't know.  
I had news that this house will require extensive repairs to fix the water coming in too. We're talking bricks being taken down and windows removed. I just want to cry. The knowledge that I'll have to continue to chase them to get the work started and completed is just soul destroying too. I just want out of this house now, unfortunately there's no further interest at the moment despite a price drop.

I'm aware I've not been much fun for DS this week either due to tiredness and everything that's been on my mind. He probably can't wait to go to his Dad's and have someone more fun to play with. His Dad dropped it on me yesterday that he wants to take DS away next weekend too to a £700 a weekend holiday place (the Dad that pleaded poverty when it came to repaying my parents the £50K he owed them, has also been bragging about their 'garden renovation, new furniture and remodelled house' to DS this week, knowing full well I'd see his messages and, oh, the same Dad that couldn't be bothered to buy me even a card for mother's day or my birthday from DS, making DS feel bad, resulting in him crying and begging me to take him out and lend him some money to buy me something, all when the lockdown was kicking off). Sorry, rant over, I am letting the ex's lies and selfish behaviour get to me again lately.
Anyway, DS is going away and I won't be seeing him for 10 days, then the ex wants him back 3 days later for the ex's birthday (as he wants one more person around to make him feel like the centre of attention). So, I won't be seeing DS much over the next two weeks.  

Things are still a bit rocky with OH too. When I told him I didn't sleep well due to nightmares, instead of giving me a cuddle or something he got annoyed and told me I had to 'stop doing this to myself' ?! But later that night dropped everything to pick me up some medication from the chemist and deliver it to me as I had a flare up of a condition I've had since childhood. He can be so caring and loving yet so insensitive the next minute, he's a good person, he really is, but there is one really selfish streak to him that ruins it. I guess we can all be like that though? I just don't know.

Anyway, I just need to keep on keeping on at the moment, with everything. This house situation is not helping and is causing me to be so stressed constantly, the sooner we're out of here the better but it's starting to look like that won't be before Christmas at this rate.

crazy_cat_lady

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment. I know it is of no practical use, but I think of you lots and hope that things start improving soon.
I'm really sorry to hear that your mum is so poorly - that must be such a difficult thing to deal with on its own - never mind with all of the other stuff that you have going on at the moment. 
And I don't know what to say about the house - I know that you moved from the last place to get away from all of this hassle, and you seem to have as much bother in the new place as you did at the last one.
Sending you all the love and luck in the world, and feeling very useless otherwise.

Pink_Butterfly

I haven’t got the right words, but I just want to say I’m here for you if you ever need a good chat privately. I’m praying that you get some good luck soon, you deserve it more than anyone.

And your ex is a **ick!!!!!!! 😡😡

Chrystal

crazy_cat_lady said:

I'm so sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment. I know it is of no practical use, but I think of you lots and hope that things start improving soon.
I'm really sorry to hear that your mum is so poorly - that must be such a difficult thing to deal with on its own - never mind with all of the other stuff that you have going on at the moment. 
And I don't know what to say about the house - I know that you moved from the last place to get away from all of this hassle, and you seem to have as much bother in the new place as you did at the last one.
Sending you all the love and luck in the world, and feeling very useless otherwise.

I want to reiterate what CCL has said. (((hugs))) X