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MeandO

Just checked online and my tax credits will be going down by £80.01 a month. Not the £90 I first guessed at, but still a kick in the nuts considering I'm earning less.

[Deleted User]

That's so unfair about the tax credits, I really don't understand how that's even possible!

Hope you're ok MeandO. You're so strong for getting through all that life has been throwing at you lately, you can do it!

MeandO

Thank you Moguline xx

MeandO

£47.87 op sent to the mortgage.

New totals:

Mortgage: was £107K now £105,478
Mortgage OP's 2019: £696.11/£1800
EF: £4900 • H2S: £650

MeandO

Hello,

Not posted in a while but still watching the pennies.
There have been a few spends on groceries, bits for the house and I have also booked a holiday for DS and I - just a static caravan on a nice park we've been to before, but even that cost a fortune (to me).

I deliberated about the holiday for days as the money was always going to have to come out of the savings pot and all I could think about was how much that could go towards paying this mortgage down or emergency savings etc, but yesterday I went ahead and booked it after seeing how much DS really wanted to go.
I did get £90 off with my tesco club card vouchers but it still came to £434 for 5 days - the cheapest 'nice' place I could find what with it being in the school holidays. :mad: Anyway, we're going now and are looking forward to it, despite the savings pot taking a hit. OH may or may not come. He has been included in the booking as it was the same price, but this was primarily for DS and tbh, at the moment I'd quite like it to be just the two of us.
I'm just not feeling it presently and I don't think he is either. There have been a few comments and situations that have upset me and made me think about things differently. :(:(

I've been feeling really low and just can't shake my low mood these past few weeks. The slightest thing makes me cry and I feel like I am 'scraping through' each day at the moment. I have real brain fog and even got lost at work this week and drove home completely the wrong way as I switched off.

I don't seem able to 'close chapters' in my life if you know what I mean and I keep rethinking about past upsetting events and how I dealt with them and what it was like living through it. Specifically, my marriage breakdown. It's weird, because it was years ago and I have no interest in the ex and I struggle to even tolerate him now. I know it was the right think to do and we would not have been happy if we'd stayed together, but I keep replaying it in my head and getting upset about where I am in my life now and the real lack of prospects for future happiness.

I think it's largely because the ex has this 'wonderful new life' full of a big 'blended' family and loads of friends that he seems to like to shove in my face whenever I see him and it is very unlikely now I will ever have that. Everything, upon everything seems to go wrong for me and my family to the point where I've almost given up expecting anything else now.

I have considered phoning the doctor, but I can't even get the results from my tests from 4 weeks ago without hassle at the moment, let alone get a new appointment. I have phoned 6 times, spent hours getting through, only to be told the results are not back yet (almost 4 weeks for an X-ray...:mad:), they won't give test results out before 3pm or that the surgery is closed for training (today). It stresses me out just thinking about phoning them.
I spoke to my (only local) friend about things yesterday and she was really supportive, but is going through hell herself so all we seem to do is get upset about our situations together!

I'm trying to make myself feel better and so have started eating properly and am resisting reaching for the first easy thing and am actually making healthy lunches and dinner for myself for a change. It got that I was spending in the work canteen nearly every day too and I just can't afford that. Today has been my first 'calorie counted' day which I'm really pleased to say I've stuck within my limits, eaten well and have not felt hungry.

Oh - and my car is broken. Am having a nightmare trying to get it fixed, but when it does, should cost me around £200. The money is in the car pot, but will need to build this up big time and hope nothing else goes wrong.

Well, this post has turned somewhat deep and dismal! Am going to have a bath and an early night before I let myself get even more upset.

Night all x

Pink_Butterfly

Morning lovely. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this Is there another GP surgery you can register with? I know it’s an absolute faff, but in the long run it would be worth it. I do think you need to see a doctor as I remember feeling how you do about 5 years ago, and I ended up on Citalopram. If your current relationship isn’t working out then that will definitely be contributing to your thoughts on your marriage breakdown. When me & my partner were going through a rough patch it made me think of my breakup with my kids’ dad.

Sending you a biiiiiig hug and hoping that things get brighter for you soon. Message me any time xxxxxxxx

Honeysucklelou2

Sorry to read that you've been having a tough time. Sometimes it takes time after an event to process it in one's mind and make sense of it. That could apply to different situations too, such as moving or even illness. I had to go for a health appointment recently as was asked if I'd had time or chance to deal with my marriage breakdown.

[Deleted User]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I think it's perfectly understandable that you're feeling this way, you've been through a lot lately, and you have to deal with most of it by yourself. I honestly admire your strength and the way you've handled it all.

You are a very strong person - you are a great mother to your son, clearly put him first all the time. You have a good steady job, you've secured a good home all by yourself. You are strong!

I agree with seeking professional help. Mental health problems are a natural consequence of crappy things happening to us and nothing to be ashamed of. I've had professional help for dealing with stress (and haven't had half the things on my plate that you do!) and it's made a world of difference.

It's great to hear that you're prioritising self-care a bit more, it's so important.

Sending you hugs and best wishes!

crazy_cat_lady

Lots of love MeandO - just wanted to echo what the others have said about getting some help. I know it feels like too much and a load of hassle, but you're absolutely worth it. Don't let it get to the point where you're completely broken.
And well done on booking the holiday - we all deserve that sometimes you know. I'm taking the kids away this summer.

MeandO

Thank you all for your replies, unfortuately i’ve not had much time to think about anything as DS has been so poorly with a bug he picked up that he was hospitalised. It’s been just horrible and i’m so thankful he’s now recovering. It was really scary for a little while.
He has been so incredibly brave and hasn’t complained or cried once, he is just an amazing little individual.

So, I haven’t done much for the last few days, other than look after DS. It means I haven’t really spent much either, apart from about £18 yesterday on a few groceries and some medicine.

I had a refund of £12 last week and the child benefit went in yesterday, child tax credits in tomorrow. They have now decided my tax credits will be £70 less than I was receiving, not the £90 they first said, so not as bad as it was. I’m sure they’ll change their mind again before next month though, nothing surprises me with them. :mad:

I’ve swept £25 in the EF, paid £28 off the mortgage as an OP and sent £30 ish to one of the savings pots.

I will need to find around £180 to pay off the mortgage next month to keep it in the £104,000 bracket once interest is added. That’s next month’s challenge.

Oh, and i’ve Lost 6lbs in weight from eating more healthily and counting calories, so feeling good about that. Just need to keep it up now.