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MeandO

Thank you CCL. I do hope today is bringing a better day for you hun. xx

I had an awful night of upset, specific details of which I won't go into on here, but I'm sat at my desk with sore puffy eyes and have to keep hiding in the toilet to cry. It involved several issues, but mainly DS and him being so very sad and unhappy with his father's decisions to force him into a 'new family' that DS doesn't want to be a part of and is, to some extent, scared of situations within that family and I am powerless to take that unhappiness away from him.
I wish he would actually listen to his son and put him first for a change but I can't see that happening and even DS knows that's unlikely. It was such a shame, because we'd previously spent a lovely evening at an event and DS was on cloud nine.

I spent most of the night awake, crying. I'm feeling awful today and have such a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.

I always said I could never do it, but I now understand why some divorced parents move to the other side of the country with their children.

I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make DS's life with me as happy and carefree as possible to try and counteract the unhappiness and stress he feels about the other part of his life. He deserves so much better than all this.

Yet more stress yesterday with the house selling/buying. I'm hoping it's resolved today. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

I have reluctantly declined a Christmas gathering of OH's family this week now. I just can't face it and can't fake a smile on my face at the moment. I will try and do something fun with DS instead.

I have more work to do tonight when I get home and after DS is in bed, then tomorrow morning I have a meeting with the solicitor which I am not looking forward to. I'm struggling to concentrate on anything much at the moment, let alone things of such an important nature. I wish I had some help and support. OH is not the best at either of those things.

crazy_cat_lady

Lots of love
It's horrible when your children are upset and there's not much you can do to help. You're doing everything right. Lots of love and cuddles and reassurance that you're there for him no matter what - that is what he needs. You can't be responsible for his dad's behaviour, but you can help him to feel safe with you and develop his resilience...

Drawingaline

Oh no. I hope the coming weeks are easier for you. Eventually it will be your sons decision as to the contact he has with his dad and anyone else. My husband stopped contact with his completely when he was 15, his decision, never encouraged by anyone, he just finally realised what he was like and was off an age when he could chose to refuse any more contact.

As you have said it is up to you to make sure that his home life with you is safe and stable.

Honeysucklelou2

It's horrible when the stress causes you physical discomfort. Thinking of you...

Sayschezza

I don't think they are ever too young to decide for themselves.

Chrystal

Don't want to sound as though I'm 'teaching Granny to suck eggs',
but have you told his Dad how badly this is affecting DS? Is there anywhere you can get advice on this. It seems to be wrong that the child is put in a situation that is worrying/frightening him. Maybe his Dad would just take him out somewhere - just the 2 of them, so that the pressure is taken off DS?
Not sure of DS age, but I would have thought that the 'powers that be' would take notice when it's affecting him so badly. (((hugs)))

MeandO

Thank you for your support everyone, it really does mean a lot and is much appreciated.

Chrystal, yes, I've tried to talk to the ex about it and emailed him with concerns too. Unfortunately he is quite an arrogant individual and refuses to believe there is an issue. Everything is always about himself - quite unintentionally I believe - but he becomes defensive whenever I try to rationally discuss things with him. He has never been able to see what is in front of his face. Considering what he does for a living, which I obviously won't disclose on here, it is extremely ironic and makes the whole saga ten times worse.
Anyway, I have emailed the issues and spoke to him over the phone about it. He is refusing to believe it and vehemently denies the issues exist.

For now, I am trying to talk to DS about the changes that will happen in a positive light and have reassured him that if he feels sad or unhappy to talk to me about it and we will do our best to change that. In the meantime, the two of us have (Lidl ) pizza and Christmas movie night planned for tonight and we have been having lots of fun making things, getting christmassy and generally enjoying each other's company.

In other news, I spent around £40 on items for the new place yesterday - nothing exciting, just essentials and a few shelves. In fact, I had a £5 off a £40 spend voucher I used and got a lot for my money, so was really pleased.
The store was also giving away free refillable hot drinks for customers so we had 2 mugs each before and 2 each after shopping!

I also spent £45 in Lidl but this included lots of reduced items to freeze and some Christmas food. Again, I was pleased with what I had for my money.

MeandO

Shortly after my last post it all kicked off with the ex again so I had another bout of stress and upset that I really could do without and is totally unnecessary if he would just be reasonable and put his child’s feelings first.
DS was a joy again this afternoon/evening and we did a bit of crafting, sat and ate pizza in front of the tv and snuggled up. I did have a little chat with him about all that is going on at the moment to gauge how he was feeling but he seemed ok. I don’t want to go on about it too much to him but am trying to reassure him he can talk to me about anything that bothers him. He has seen none of the ‘discussions’ between myself and his father, I always make sure he witnesses no upset between us.

I’ve had a bad back all day. I’ve no idea why as I haven’t done anything to it but it’s got progressively worse as the day has gone on so i’ve just had to take some painkillers and put muscle rub on it. Hope it goes by tomorrow as it’s making me feel sick wth it too.
OH is out tonight and not coming over so i’m sat in my bed and going to read an old ‘home’ magazine I never got round to looking at, before having an early night.

I cooked a chicken early that I bought yesterday in the YS aisle. OH and I will use it up in various forms this weekend, perhaps a risotto tomorrow, as we have most of the stuff needed between us. I also unpackaged, wrapped and froze the rest of the chicken and ‘party food’ that I got reduced yesterday. I managed to fit it all in my freezer by removing all of the ridiculously oversized packaging and putting it into freezer bags!

DS is with his Dad for this weekend from tomorrow afternoon so i’m planning on making the most of our morning together. I miss him terribly when he’s not here.

Tomorrow afternoon OH is out at an event so i’ll use the time I have to myself to wrap DS’s Christmas presents. Who knows, I may even start packing some of this house in readiness for the move - if I can force myself to do so.

Anyway, happy weekend all, keep safe and warm everyone xx

MeandO

The 'wrap-athon' happened on Saturday afternoon as planned but I realised that I hadn't actually bought as much as I'd thought. One panic-buying session online and £120 later I finally have everything except a voucher. Yes, it was a lot of money, but the money was there in the gift account so it's not left me short. Most of the online stuff has arrived, I just need to go to two store to pick up orders sometime this week and another to pick up the voucher. Oh, and I also need to do a grocery shop which I'm dreading! We don't need a lot as it's only 2, possibly 3 of us for Christmas dinner and I don't buy into the 'we must buy/eat everything' hysteria. We just need the veg for Christmas dinner and some croissant dough for DS to make for breakfast alongside some normal things we've run out of. Oh, I will buy DS a nice dessert for Christmas day depending on what I can find that he will like, he's not a big eater anyway. I am cooking a joint of ham that I have in the freezer as none of us are fussed enough to spend £X amount on one. I usually follow the nigella black treacle ham recipe which is lovely.

I also have lots of party food in the freezer that I have bought over the past month or two as YS's that we may use up on Christmas Eve or New Year's Eve. We won't be going out anywhere, I am not a lover of New Year and neither is OH.

The stress with the ex has continued and run into this week. Hopefully I've now managed to get answers out of him and sort things so I don't need to deal with the issue any further as the stress from that has been making me feel quite ill. Ironically, the whole issue was about me trying to sort Christmas day so that he had all the time he wanted with DS. He kicked off earlier in the month because I asked to take DS to see my parents for Christmas as my Mum is so poorly and this may be our last chance. I got such a hard time about it from him and he was making it so difficult for me that we're now not going and will go afterwards.
Now he's changed his mind and won't be taking DS as he's been invited to the GF's parents... Next year I will just be organising the day for DS and myself and everyone else can lump it. I try so hard to please everyone and make sure everyone's happy and still people want more. It's unbelievable.

I have started packing... albeit only half a box full. I heard yesterday that move in date may only be 2.5 weeks into the New Year so I really need to get a move on.

Moneywise, I'm fine at the moment. We get paid early so will need to make it last til payday in January. Great timing with moving expenses too, but thankfully most of those are budgeted for.

MeandO

I had to brave the 'big' supermarket last night as DS came home with a letter requesting items to be brought to school for today. It wasn't too busy and I took the opportunity to get almost everything on my list for Christmas! The veg will store fine in my super-cold store and the rest was mostly 'normal' groceries we needed. DS also decided he wanted to buy gifts for 3 of his school friends as he had started receiving gifts from them, so around £6 each was spent on them. The whole bill came to just over £64 which, considering £18 of it was on 'presents', I was pleased with. We may just need milk, eggs and bread before Christmas Day which I can walk to the small supermarket to buy.

I still need to pick up two orders from stores, do some wrapping and pick up a voucher and then all prep is done.

I've transferred £25 to the house move fund this morning from craft sales, these will probably cease now, but it has certainly helped to boost the pot.