Divorced and Children's Holidays

Spendless

smiler1976 wrote: »

Hi, just looking for an insight into other peoples opinions on this.
I have offered to take the children away myself, but the children do not want this, they want to go with their mum.

You've asked for some insights.


I understand that your kids want to holiday with their Mum. There's possibly limited time left for them to do so as they are, before they're making their own way in the World. This is NO way means that I think you should fund this, I don't. I suspect you are seen as the walking wallet and provider of the extras, which is why you've been asked to provide.

Stick to your guns. If the 3 of them want to go away together they will either find a way or accept they can't go.

Loz01

Tell her you've been overpaying her for 5 years and she should have saved some of THAT if she wants 1k for a holiday!!! Cheek. Why doesnt she get a job if her kids are 16 and 18????

Bosscout

As a kid of divorced parents, who would seem to be in very similar positions - my dad remarried, my mum did not. (Although she did always work full time), I would have been appalled to find out you were being tapped up for holidays! We went on holiday with my Dad if he offered, and my Mum if she did.

And completely agree with other posters - if you choose to keep giving money for the 18yr old, give it to them direct, not to the mother. But feel no obligation to do so. Most people don't get 'pocket money' at that age.

Armorica

70 quid a week isn't a lot for two teenagers in the grand schemes of things although this will be sensitive to your income.

Have you offered the option of a holiday with you, but without your current wife?

unforeseen

Armorica wrote: »

70 quid a week isn't a lot for two teenagers in the grand schemes of things although this will be sensitive to your income

OP mentioned in his initial post that the official calculator comes up with a figure of £45 for his income so 55% more than the official figure is quite generous.The age of the children has no bearing on the amount of maintenance to be paid.

Tabbytabitha

Spendless wrote: »

You've asked for some insights.


I understand that your kids want to holiday with their Mum. There's possibly limited time left for them to do so as they are, before they're making their own way in the World. This is NO way means that I think you should fund this, I don't. I suspect you are seen as the walking wallet and provider of the extras, which is why you've been asked to provide.

Stick to your guns. If the 3 of them want to go away together they will either find a way or accept they can't go.

At 16 and 18, I very much doubt it!

maman

Armorica wrote: »

70 quid a week isn't a lot for two teenagers in the grand schemes of things although this will be sensitive to your income.

That's not meant to be the only money they have to live on. They have a mother too.

Armorica wrote: »

Have you offered the option of a holiday with you, but without your current wife?

Why would they do that? That's just pandering to the ex-wife's insecurities and bitterness.


We aren't talking about small children here and they've had 5 years to get used to the changed circumstances.


It's sad that the children have had their minds poisoned. While I wouldn't play tit for tat I might take any opportunity that crops up to put them right on a few things. One day they'll hopefully mature and realise what's true and what's not.


So I agree with the OP planning a holiday with his new wife and then his children can choose one way or the other. If they want to cut off their noses to spite their faces then that's their choice. If they bring up the idea of him funding a holiday fro his ex then just tell them that mum should have saved for it from the extra he's provided.


I'd be interested to know why she doesn't work?

Spendless

Spendless wrote: »

You've asked for some insights.


I understand that your kids want to holiday with their Mum. There's possibly limited time left for them to do so as they are, before they're making their own way in the World. This is NO way means that I think you should fund this, I don't. I suspect you are seen as the walking wallet and provider of the extras, which is why you've been asked to provide.

Stick to your guns. If the 3 of them want to go away together they will either find a way or accept they can't go.

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

At 16 and 18, I very much doubt it!

You clearly didn't read the post I quoted. From the initial post

smiler1976 wrote: »

I have offered to take the children away myself, but the children do not want this, they want to go with their mum.

If they didn't want to go with their Mum, eldest would be looking into having and funding a lads hol or one with a girlfriend, and youngest would be seeing if he could tag along with a mate's family.

My own children are not dissimilar in age (15 and 18) and the eldest only stopped at home last week because the destination (Majorca) didn't appeal to him and the youngest accepts that even next year she won't be old enough to holiday without adults.

DigForVictory

Sit tight, keep your wallet closed & wait for the 18 & 16 year olds to develop minds of their own. Invite them if you can be sure they will treat your wife with courtesy, and not if not.

If they choose to hang onto their mother's spite as opposed to trying to find out anything like the truth, you will be well shot of the lot of them in only a few more years.

That said "they want to go with their mum" - do you have their personal emails or Fb messenger to check this? Can they talk to you without their mum knowing?

Do either want to continue in further education? As Martin has pointed out, the student loan does not cover everything, so no prizes for guessing whom they'll turn to. An opportunity to seize for informed negotiation, I suggest, if they've the inclination &/or aptitude. (Unless Mommy dearest has stomped that out of them.)

You do not owe them a holiday. They have a bunch of life lessons awaiting them, some of which you can try to teach once they're ready to learn. (NEVER act as guarantor.)

kingfisherblue

Armorica wrote: »

70 quid a week isn't a lot for two teenagers in the grand schemes of things although this will be sensitive to your income.

Have you offered the option of a holiday with you, but without your current wife?

Since he is paying above the required amount, and has been doing for some years, it is quite generous. To me, it would be a fortune - I receive £20 a month (and have to remind my ex some months), for two sons slightly older but still in education.



On your second point, why should the current wife be excluded from a holiday with her husband? The 'children' are old enough to decide whether they want to go on holiday with their dad, but equally, they are old enough to understand that their stepmum is part of their dad's family, just as they are. It sounds as though they won't go away with their dad though, only their mum - but their mum should pay for it, not their dad.