Divorced and Children's Holidays

smiler1976

Hi, just looking for an insight into other peoples opinions on this.
I was married to my ex wife for 17 years and have two children with her (now 16 and 18 years old). We separated and divorced 5 years ago and I'm now happily re-married. Ever since we separated I have paid what I felt was a fair child maintenance payment to my ex wife every week without fail. The online government calculator says I should be paying £45 a week but I in fact pay her £70 per week and have never missed a week. There has been some animosity as I have moved on with my life but my ex seams unable to do this. But anyway, my point is that my ex wife (who has been unemployed since we split) is saying that the children need a holiday and that I should be paying for her and the children to have one. I have offered to take the children away myself, but the children do not want this, they want to go with their mum. I have taken them away in previous years, but due to the poison my ex-wife feeds the kids about my new wife, they do not want to come with me this year. My question is, should I be putting my hand in my pocket to pay for a holiday for my ex wife and children? I have said I'm happy to give the kids (18 and 16, so hardly kids!) some spending money, but I'm not paying for the actual holiday.

Rubik

should I be putting my hand in my pocket to pay for a holiday for my ex wife and children?

No - absolutely not. If Mum wants to take the children on holiday, then she needs to fund that. You are not a walking wallet.

davetrousers

A slightly different take on this but it is an opportunity to take the moral high ground.


What sort of holiday is being considered? A few days in (e.g.) Devon or a month of luxury in the Caribbean?

Oakdene

Shoe on the other foot, how would you feel if your new wife said to you, "I'm just going to bung £750 (or whatever the figure is) so that my ex husband, who has slated you to our children, can take him & the kids on holiday"?

goodwithsaving

Children aren't entitled to a holiday and don't need one. That's what days out are for.

Sambella

Your ex is approximately only 4 years away from child tax credits, child benefits and child maintenance stopping. It would be wise for her to consider her options and not rely on you.

If she is able to work she will have to do so when Universal Credit rolls out.

You should most definitely not pay for your ex to have a holiday, the kids at 16 & 18 could do some part time work/Saturday jobs and pay something towards their themselves perhaps.

System

If they want a holiday that bad they will come with you.

MEM62

Correction, you have one child. The 18-year old is now an adult. As such, should be mature enough to see through their mothers bitterness and the 16-year old should be having the wake-up call soon as well.

You have absolutely no obligation to fund what is effectively a holiday for your ex-wife.

Book a holiday, invite your children. If they decide to come that's great. If not then that is their choice. They are old enough that they should start to think for themselves and making these decisions for themselves.

gazzak_2

smiler1976 wrote: »

(who has been unemployed since we split)

Not working but expecting you to pay for a holiday? I get why you left her.

smiler1976

davetrousers wrote: »

A slightly different take on this but it is an opportunity to take the moral high ground.


What sort of holiday is being considered? A few days in (e.g.) Devon or a month of luxury in the Caribbean?

Not sure she has any morals, lol.
I believe she wants a week at the seaside in the UK, but still around £1000 in cost.

Rubik

smiler1976 wrote: »

Not sure she has any morals, lol.
I believe she wants a week at the seaside in the UK, but still around £1000 in cost.

And I would like a month in France, but I sure as hell don't expect my ex to pay for it.

A holiday is a luxury, not an essential. No-one is going to starve, be deprived, or die if they don't have a week at the seaside (or a month in France).

You've offered to take your children on holiday with you, they declined. That's their choice. You are not responsible for providing your ex wife with a holiday (or the cash to pay for one).

I repeat - you are not a walking wallet. Say no, firmly.