What have I done ......

Dimps_123

Hi all

Over the last few days I have been reading your diaries and am completely blown away by the strength you have and the support you show to others. It has made me decide I need to do one of these diaries.

Completely embarrassed to say I had my first credit card when I went on holiday at 19 and now at 42 (oh wow where did that time go!) I don't know how much debt I'm in. I know I need to grab the bull by the horns, sit down and sort myself out.

I have a 21 year old son who is my world (single mother since his birth) and of course is making his own life - I purposely decided not to bring a new man into our lives as, believe me his father did enough to put me off and I wanted my son to be brought up without complication. I don't regret that at all but of course I'm now feeling the loneliness and despair of not really sure what life is all about anymore. That along with my stupidity of allowing myself to get into debt is really pulling me down.

I am in a well paid job for what I do but oh my is it dull dull dull !!! and I am currently doing two courses to get myself up and out. Always loved photography and English - so hopefully one day I can use both to earn money and get out of the boring office I am in.

On the outside everyone who knows me thinks my life is good - I'm obviously a good actress (note to self maybe I should consider the stage!). But inside I'm completely falling apart. I've completely lost my confidence, think everything I want to do is a waste of time and barely have the motivation to bother with day to day things without the possibility of thinking about where I want to be in a year/ two years/ five years time.

I fell into the age old problem of thinking I can pay it tomorrow - and now? well now tomorrow has arrived and I can't pay it all back that quickly.

I am at that stage, that so many of you seem to go through, of writing lists. I'm writing everything I want to do - house stuff/ personal stuff (actually go on a date if someone asks)/ sort out my debt/ one day I'd like travel - no way will that happen while I am in debt and I really need to sort this out.

No idea if anyone will be interested in my posts over the next few months, however I really feel having to write it down might help me to focus better. I've definitely lost focus and if this helps woohoo!

Jox

Good luck Dimps, I'll subscribe and follow your journey I'm the same age as you but have a 4 yr old son, £8k debt and looking for inspiration to reduce that asap!

Dimps_123

X Thanks Jox. I feel I will rely on the support of these posts over the coming months :-)

(a 4 yr old - so much fun ahead of you)

[Deleted User]

Welcome aboard Dimps, they're a very friendly bunch here.

Good luck on your journey xx

Dimps_123

Thanks Purplemumof2. I have felt completely alone over the last few months with this and by reading these posts I realise just how many people are experiencing similar things. xx

MeandO

Hello Dimps, happy shiny new diary.

Much of your post resonated with me - I'm a single Mum to a 7 year old boy who I adore, but can totally relate to the dullness, boredom and isolation of work and life. I'm trying very hard to be more positive about things but it's not always easy is it?!
Your courses sound great. Are you studying from home?

Good luck with everything, this place really is great for motivation.

Xx

redofromstart

Happy new diary, and good luck with it.

Dimps_123

Hi MeandO

I sway between being completely motivated and ready to beat everything to being completely at a loss of how and when I can do something about it all. Ridiculous really considering I've done the whole single mum stage running around like a mad thing/ holding down a good job/ did my degree with the OU too - now I've actually got the time to do something for myself I'm overwhelmed by it all.

Yes my courses are online ones - only downside to that is I can do it tomorrow and as always tomorrow never comes! When did I get so lazy?!?!?!?!?

Looking forward to chatting again with you over the coming months xx

Dimps_123

Thank you to everyone already providing thoughts and support. I'm looking forward to getting to know all and hopefully I can provide my support to you too
xx

Working_Mum

Hello and welcome,
Another single Mum here (to 2 S19 and D17) and made the choice to not bring another man into the kids lives. I don't regret that for a single second as every single book I have read has suggested this is the best route for the kids involved.

I am divorced from a complete Walter Mitty character 10 years ago and had to rebuild my life!! I had counselling for how I was feeling about myself and learned sooooo much!! The bottom line is that you have to be happy within yourself to be able to be in a good position to allow anyone into your life in the future - otherwise you're working with broken tools!!!

I had a year of saying yes to everything - that took me out of my comfort zone on more than one occasion and I loved it!!

I volunteer at loads of things - that ha s broadened my horizons and friendship groups.

I love to read so have started 3 Book Clubs - each have their own identity and style but I read (and enjoy) so many books that I wouldn't have chosen. We have great Christmas and Easter celebrations too as part of them!!

I took up yoga so i can look after my aging body into old age!!

I got active in my garden - I love pots and hanging baskets....who knew!!

I am in the throes of repainting my house as I am skint and it is up for sale.

I also practice gratitude every single minute of every single day!! I have so very much to be grateful for (even if I am on my own) and intend to have a full and intrepid retirment when it happens in 5 years time.

The main things is that you have to be motivate yourself to get out do it.....whatever "it" is!! Your life will expand and compress by how you view it!

A boring job that you do well is great as it will give you time and energy to devote to what the rest of your life is going to look like - that is worth an investment of thought, energy and loads of love for yourself.

I have subscribed and look forward to reading your journey!

((hugs))

WM x

enthusiasticsaver

Good luck with the debt busting.

A good start is an soa (statement of affairs). There is a link on the DFW sticky at the top of this forum page and also a spending diary so you can see where all your money is going. Budgeting is the key to getting on top of debt along with saving in pots for various things and an emergency savings account so you do not have to resort to credit cards if you have an unexpected bill.

It is tough having just the one salary but if you have a fairly good one that will help. Remember that financial independence means you have choices. Choices to change career to one you find more interesting but may pay less to start with, choices to go part time or retire early and choices to take a sabbatical and go travelling. Having debt means those choices are not there for you because you are reliant on your salary to pay bills and pay off debts.

Well done for deciding to tackle it now.