What have I done ......

Dimps_123

Ah thanks Toni'sfriend. I feel as though I haven't had a day without tears in ages. Fed up of sore eyes and head lol. Not helped of course by a partial empty nest - he's not around much but he does still live with me and of course that means his stuff is everywhere. I'm trying to get used to my new normal - which is taking longer than I want it to. I know now how stupid I was to spend too much money while he was young, leaving me in a huge amount of debt, which of course means I can't do a lot these days. My friends I would normally catch up with have young families and I totally appreciate they take priority - but I am completely blown away by how alone I have been recently. Driving me nuts to be honest.

Toni'sfriend

I am very lucky that I have a lovely partner who has been so good to me and my boy but I don't have any close friends who live near me. My ex alienated every friend I ever had.The two friends I do have I met through my now partner and they live hundreds of miles away so I know what it's like to feel lonely at times. I take it that you're not a club joining kind of person? Me, neither. Don't have the self confidence but it's early days. One step at a time.
Don't beat yourself up about spending too much in the past and getting into debt. We've all done it but this will pass as well and things will get better now that you're taking control. I promise you that.
Hugs. Keep your chin up.

Dimps_123

Bless you - thanks for that! :-) I have a meeting with a homeless charity next week to volunteer with them and also an interview as a party organiser for kids parties at the weekends. So trying to fill some time up and hopefully meet some like minded people at the same time.


Trying the internet dating thing too, but very wary about it all lol - so I'm not really sure where that is going to go. I need to stop putting too much pressure on myself and just take it as it comes but it all gets worked up in my mind and I chicken out at the last minute. Sadly I have done that at least 5 times to what appear to be lovely, lovely gents. Like you say one step at a time.


I'm definitely more motivated now than I was about 6 months ago - so hopefully that is good thing. I work in a large building with loads of people, but I work in my own office with one other person who is the head of the department for the whole group so they are often out and about leaving me on my own. I don't mind that but adding that to coming home to an empty house (first time its a regular thing in 40 years) time alone tends to build up. How strange that technology and social media has made the world smaller yet it seems more and more people experience loneliness.


I am starting to go back to my original hobbies, playing the piano, dancing, photography - but they are solo so I don't help myself really. I'd love to join a club but not really good at doing things like that on my own. Walking into a group of people who already know each other and the skills they are there to learn/ practice etc is my idea of hell - at the moment - I need to get over that stumbling block.


Really appreciate your kind words Toni'sfriend and I hope you find your way through life too.
xx

Toni'sfriend

I have a meeting with a homeless charity next week to volunteer with them

That's a fantastic thing to do. Not only will you meet new people you'll be doing something so worthwhile. Hope it all goes well.

Dimps_123

Well - 21 years ago, if it hadn't been for my fabulous mum and dad I would have been on the streets and they kept a roof over my head until only about 6 years ago. I'm extremely grateful and feel I should help out those that didn't have that support.

MeandO

I can really sympathise with the feelings of loneliness Dimps. I do have a partner (who doesn't live with me), but other than him, I don't really see any other adults other than to pass the time of day. Work colleagues are not a sociable bunch either unfortunately so I never see any of them out of work.
It's hard isn't it? I'm afraid I can't offer any solutions to it but I think the homeless charity thing is a great idea. I'm sure that will open new doorways for you and, if nothing else, make you feel like you're doing something very worthwhile.

As for your son, I can sympathise with that too, although my boy is only 7, it breaks your heart when they are sad doesn't it.
How about arranging a night in and film with him or nice dinner to cheer him up a bit and spend some time together? Or look for some discount vouchers and go out for a cheap meal?

As for the internet dating thing, I think you should try to be really brave and take that last step to meet someone for a coffee. Why don't you say before that you have an appointment at X time, so you can meet for a quick cuppa for an hour or so, then you have an excuse to leave if you are feeling uncomfortable. I think you'll feel so much better once you have taken that step.

Hugs Dimps, I know what it's like, our lives sound very much alike.

X

Dimps_123

Ah thanks MeandO. I'm finding it very interesting that so many people are experiencing similar issues. We are all very good at putting on a face for the World but there are so many similarities with what is actually happening inside.


I'm very lucky with my son. We've had an amazing relationship during his upbringing and I truly have a good friend in him (I know some people don't agree with that whole parent/ child friendship), but I treasure his friendship. We have a family day planned for next Saturday - I can't wait !!! The days when I have him to myself are getting further and further apart and I do miss him, but I'm immensely proud of what he has achieved.


My work colleagues are the same - not very sociable really. I have a small circle of friends and love seeing them when I do, its just so few and far between and usually all happens at once. Typical lol


Well MeandO - all I can say with your lovely 7 year old, take it from someone who has absolutely loved being a mother and made sure I was there for all of his milestones - take advantage of everything that comes your way, the time will slip away faster than you can imagine. Best journey I've ever been on.


As for dating, I know I need to do it. Its been so many years, I'm totally out of practice, but I look back and think I managed for the very first time when I was a teenager. I should be able to manage now as a 40 something adult lol.


xx

Toni'sfriend

I'm immensely proud of what he has achieved.

And so you should be. I actually cried at my son's graduation. I'm sure he was horribly embarrassed but he knows what I'm like so he didn't say anything. I was quite discreet, though ( I hope).
And, yes, there are a lot of people who are/have been in the same position. When I was working (retired now) everyone seemed to be so much younger and I just did not have anything in common with them. You feel a bit like an outsider, don't you. But now you're here you've found a few friends to share your thoughts with and who will give you support. Things can and will get better.

MeandO

Dimps_123 wrote: »

Ah thanks MeandO. I'm finding it very interesting that so many people are experiencing similar issues. We are all very good at putting on a face for the World but there are so many similarities with what is actually happening inside.


It is incredibly sad that so many people are in the same position isn't it. Loneliness certainly is such a hidden issue in society.

My work colleagues are the same - not very sociable really. I have a small circle of friends and love seeing them when I do, its just so few and far between and usually all happens at once. Typical lol


Well MeandO - all I can say with your lovely 7 year old, take it from someone who has absolutely loved being a mother and made sure I was there for all of his milestones - take advantage of everything that comes your way, the time will slip away faster than you can imagine. Best journey I've ever been on.

Thank you Dimps. I feel so guilty at times when I am trying to get a hundred things done at once and don't give DS as much time as I feel like I should be. He is growing so fast, it makes me sad. He was poorly as a baby and it was a very difficult and isolating time which, I'm so sad sorry to say, I didn't enjoy very much. I feel cheated of his 'babyhood.' I adore him, he is my world and probably my best friend! I can only hope that I have a similar relationship when he's older as you have with your son.

As for dating, I know I need to do it. Its been so many years, I'm totally out of practice, but I look back and think I managed for the very first time when I was a teenager. I should be able to manage now as a 40 something adult lol.

I know, it's awful isn't it. I did try online dating once my marriage broke up. I think as long as you don't pin too much on it, it's ok and if people seem too keen or pushy, block them instantly!!!


xx

Replies in purple above - still haven't got the hang of the multi-quote thing! x

Dimps_123

Ah don't be so hard on yourself !! We can only do what's right at the time and I've no doubt your lovely son will remember all the times you were/ are there and won't even think about the times you weren't. I certainly made sure I was there for all the sports days/ plays/ award ceremonies etc, but just a walk over the park or playing a game of snap at the end of the day - those are the things that count. And if you have the relationship where your son will sit down and chat with you - you've done your job well :-)


I completely appreciate your comments and support - certainly helps to know someone understands
xx