Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pay mum rent even when I'm not home?

p00hsticks

kev25v6 wrote: »

No, you haven!!!8217;t used any electric, gas, food etc. It!!!8217;s not the same as renting from a private land lord where you are keeping your room for you only. More likely take mum out for a meal instead.

Rent doesn't usually cover electric, gas food etc.



If you've left all your stuff in a room and are therefore preventing your mum from getting a lodger in to take your place, then yes, you should continue to pay rent.


If you were paying extra for food, washing, utilities etc then no you shouldn't need to pay that as you're not using those facilities.

lookstraightahead

So much of the response here is how parents feel; Unkind, a failure.We as parents need to ensure that adult children can cope without us, otherwise we are doing THEM a disservice. It is not about lack of support, of course we all want to help, but letting an adult live basically for nothing does not promote independence, it takes away drive, determination and stamina.

I cannot help feeling sometimes as parents we use our kids to make us feel needed. In turn each generation relies on the older generation and eventually victims of society.

Barryfan

So, as a Mum I would say this... First of all I didn't charge my children rent when they lived at home (although they both left home at a fairly young age - one to work abroad and one to live with a workmate) - but I could afford to let them live rent free. We don't know the family circumstances in this case. One responder made the point that you really should have discussed this before you left and I totally agree. However, your mum may need the money (only you will know if this is so). Talk to her, and come to an agreement to suit you both. There wouldn't be so many MMDs if people talked to each other.

need_an_answer

bye_bye_band_G wrote: »

As one of the readers who come to the MMD every week following the link in the weekly email, and am frustrated by the moaners who pop up every single week crowding out the subject matter by complaining how everybody HATES them so much, I'd just like to quote the following view numbers for each of the May MMD's so far, excluding this week which is new so will be low.
23/5 16,041 views
16/5 13,335 views
9/5 8,751 views
2/5 18,435 views

That's a LOT of people who choose to read them. Because they want to. Most of them don't comment. That's fine. The readership of the silent majority is as valid as that of the weekly moaners.

I guess this may be levelled at me as a moaner so just to clarify what I actually said

I have no problem with the MMD just request that it is moved or ringfenced to its own section of the mse website,that way people can see all of them in one place rather and comment until they feel the need to stop.

My second observation on this particular one centred around the fact that Luke chose to use the wording "rent" rather than something like "housekeeping or board and lodge " therefore deeming it to be placed on a sub board that usually deals with rent in the sense of tenancy agreements rather than the family issue that in reality it is.

There is nothing in my responses that suggest anything in a way of hate to this type of post and should you enjoy reading them and responding I have no problem with that,I simply don't see why they have to be mingled with other posts that are created by users that are more complex and require genuine honest replies to what can sometimes be very challenging questions,queries or situations.

I'm particularly thinking of the poster yesterday who asked for advice on the repossession of their rental property after they (a family of 5) were duped into moving by their unscrupulous LL. Those are the posters who really need advice from the hosing and renting thread not Luke and his misplaced use of the word rent!
The poster yesterday didn't post his dilemma on the forum for the gratification of "MMD readers" but to get some real clear answers and an insight into the way forward for him and his family.The last thing needed on this forum is for it to become so diluted with "Staged questions" that the real knowledgeable posters who do a fabulous free of charge job advising people decide that the board is just too full of "posed" questions that they leave and their experience leaves too.
How long can we then expect the likes of GM or Artful to name but 2 to stay around on a board that regularly has MMD's taking up the top spots rather than focusing on real issues.


I am all for the MMD to continue,just on their own sub board clearly the reader base would hopefully support their own sub board somewhere.

eastcott5

We have charged both our sons 'rent' when working and living at home, they need to get used to the idea, but not when at UNI. They both had to pay 'rent' to reserve their UNI shared house in the holidays - a reduced amount as the landlord wanted to do some maintenance. For their 'rent at home they got gas ,electricity, use of washing machine, water, linen, some food etc. We did sit down and do a budget with them and monitored utility bills!. They were charged full rent when they went on holiday for 2 weeks, but not when they shoved off round Europe for 3 months - its a compromise. Yes - we could have afforded to put them up for free - but that's not the point. We did manage to put our hands in our pockets a bit towards house buying.

lookstraightahead

eastcott5 wrote: »

We have charged both our sons 'rent' when working and living at home, they need to get used to the idea, but not when at UNI. They both had to pay 'rent' to reserve their UNI shared house in the holidays - a reduced amount as the landlord wanted to do some maintenance. For their 'rent at home they got gas ,electricity, use of washing machine, water, linen, some food etc. We did sit down and do a budget with them and monitored utility bills!. They were charged full rent when they went on holiday for 2 weeks, but not when they shoved off round Europe for 3 months - its a compromise. Yes - we could have afforded to put them up for free - but that's not the point. We did manage to put our hands in our pockets a bit towards house buying.

Sounds like a healthy relationship

lookstraightahead

tallgirld wrote: »

I tried that scam with my mum when I lived at home. I didn't think I should pay housekeeping when I was holiday.


It didn't work......she still made me pay.......and rightly so!

Sounds like my daughter. She is brilliant as negotiating but I am even better.

REJP

I never charged my children rent, just a modest sum towards food and laundry costs.
I would never charge rent, people need to remember that counts as income and can in some circumstances be taxable over certain limits.
Did mother declare the rent on tax forms?
My serious advice to OP is move out away from control freak as soon as you can afford it and make your own life, and let her rent the room to someone who might turn out to be a real pain in the backside.
We don't all have children to make money out of them. Charging other than for reasonable living costs is not mother love. Shame on her.

bye_bye_band_G

Hi need an answer.
No my post wasn't particularly aimed at you.
9 out of the first 30 replies are MMD moaners.
I do take your points about a sub board for MMDs, but I don't think that any particular board gets clogged up with MMDs to the detriment of people who need serious advice such as the case you quote. There are hundreds of new threads across the whole MSE forum each week, only one is a MMD and it varies which board it's on.
Also, it's quite likely that the MMD serves as an introduction to the MSE forum for some readers, who having enjoyed and perhaps commented on it, will explore the forum further and give the benefit of their experience or knowledge to make the forum a better place. That wouldn't happen if the MMDs were ringfenced away somewhere else.
I'm now going to be quiet to let people who are interested in this week's MMD get on with it!

kev25v6

A friend was charged board money when he first started working and when he moved out for his first house his parents gave him it all back as a deposit for his new house. It is not the same charging for a lodger as it is for a child. Would you charge relatives when they come to visit too?