taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

MidsHollie said:

Hey, 
just found your diary, you seem so organised and focused. I did have a little suggestion for you though, hope you don’t mind.....
Use your emergency fund for the car. Honour the effort you make each day with budgeting and paying off debt, and use the emergency fund for exactly the purpose that it is there for. You’ll also be able to use the other money for exactly what you intended to use that for - paying down debt. Then, with your next bit of income you can make the choice - top up EF, pay off debt or a combo of both. 

I find that I get into a mindset where I don’t want to use the money that I am putting aside for things. When I totalled things up recently I realised that I’d spent over £350 on things from my monthly budget money that I save in to an annual pot for. Effectively paying twice for those thing, which left my budget feeling tight. I paid myself back the £350 from the sinking fund, because that is what it’s there for. 

Do it, use the emergency fund! 

I dont mind at all - I agree I should take it from the EF , I just hate dipping in to money I have managed to set aside.
its another 15 days until payday , in my head im going to try and see the month through without using the EF for the car but I know its there for a back up.

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Its hard isn't it. Social life vs home life. Trying to find the right balance. At least there's uber now. NM isn't in your town either is he? The good news is you only need to consider yourself. There's no one else's view to consider. 2 bedrooms and a garden means people can stay over though. But flat means you can always go to everything easily. You've got time to think it all through. But yea you'd think sooner rather than later on the house sale x

It looks likely that my daughter will want to come with me as her dad is moving a good hour away and she does not like his partner however where and what i buy is very much my choice.
NM is about half an hour away from where I live and would be the same distance if i reolcated so thats ok - i'd like to think that he may come too at some point but we haven't spoken about that yet , part of me is nervous too.

efes_shareholder

I've taken another step today to get rid of my nicotine dependancy , i've been vaping for well over a year and would like to stop this , when i gave up smoking before i was successful using patches so i've ordered the lowest dose patches to try and break the habit of inhaling , hopefully a few weeks of this and i will have broken the hardest part - thats the plan anyway.
The car has set me back 265 , ouch - as above I have the money in my EF but i'm reluctant to tap in to it - i will monitor how we go leading up to payday and make a judgement , I could well be ok 
I need to get back in to a gym routine , my diet has been ok but i've been slacking with the excercise , i'm also very cautious about going back in there with COVID rates rising.

Kitten868

Don't pick your new place based on NM. Pick something for you. You deserve it! I will concede on a two bed so daughter can stay but that is all. I want you to have your space. 
You can't beat yourself up about the car. Its not your fault. You had the money, thats the main thing xxx

efes_shareholder

Kitten868 said:

Don't pick your new place based on NM. Pick something for you. You deserve it! I will concede on a two bed so daughter can stay but that is all. I want you to have your space. 
You can't beat yourself up about the car. Its not your fault. You had the money, thats the main thing xxx

it will be very much my choice , I have my own wants and requirements for the sort of place im looking for.
2 decent size bedrooms , ample space for a decent dining area and easy to mantain garden.
parking is pretty important too.
ideally under budget as needs work so i can put my own stamp on things and not have to just live with it.
thats the dream anyway , just need someone to want our house.
cars done , i just need to work out how im wiggling it about but its there and thats the important factor 

efes_shareholder

happy monday
My daughter tells me that the person who wanted the house but came in low has been back for another viewing , have heard nothing from the Ex but hoping that there is some positive news soon
The whole area does seem a bit slow in property movement so I'm not sure where the boom the media is reporting is occurring. 
Had a lovely weekend with NM , Went for dinner on Friday evening with friends , he treat us all as they are very generous and have us over often for food and drinks and currently we can't return the favour. He offered dinner out again on sat but I insisting on cooking as the previous night cost him a small fortune.
Spends have been nominal since the car , At the minute I have a daily budget of 27 pounds a day which I have no plans of using so I'm really hopeful that I will have excess and be able to make the payments I planned prior to the car playing up. Alternatively I could pay myself back from the EF and then put back what is left in my wage pot but that seems a bit back and forth since payday is only 11 days now. 
I could do a bit of both and pay off what I have left and then top it up the value of the car repair from my EF 

efes_shareholder

Today I've had a feeling that something isn't quite right.
I just took a call off a friend who is a financial advisor and a mutual friend of my previous boyfriend who became quite troublesome at one point ,   he has had a call from the ex and his family to say that his cancer has now been given the terminal status. It is at the moment confidential and he has been told 6 months however his sisters have said that they don't think he has long left.
I expected this news as some stage as I always knew his cancer wasn't curable but I'm taken back by how quickly it has escalated.
I blocked all contact back in January and the last attempt he made to call me I hung up when I heard his voice.............
Obviously I've moved on and had left the relationship emotionally long before I left it physically but I'm sad to hear his prognosis and it really bothers me that the feedback I got after I hung up his call was that he thought I hated him ........................Its not sitting well with me that he may take that to his grave.
I don't hate him , I just had to remove his contact from my life at the time for my own emotional well being.
I still have the means to contact his sister who is caring for him but I don't know what to do for the best.
Part of me would like to visit him and tell him I don't hate him and just put any ill thoughts to bed but the other part thinks its best to let sleeping dogs lie and not interfere or contact the family.
I need to give this some thought and make a desicion as to whether I would actually be visiting for my own peace of mind or his ? 
NM will be supportive of any choice I make as he has always said if I feel the need to visit then I should but I don't know if I feel the need ..............My ex boyfriend saw NM as a traitor as we all move within the same friendship circles and he felt that NM should not have got involved me since they were part of the same circle however we were finished well before anything happened and neither of us did anything wrong in getting together 
Need to straighten my head up before I leave work as this is going to tick over a bit
Any advice on this situation welcome x

enthusiasticsaver

If he was so troublesome you had to block him I think I would let sleeping dogs lie.  He needs peace for his final months and opening old wounds may not be the best way to go. 
Hopefully you will get a buyer soon. 

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver said:

If he was so troublesome you had to block him I think I would let sleeping dogs lie.  He needs peace for his final months and opening old wounds may not be the best way to go. 
Hopefully you will get a buyer soon. 

Thanks ES - I've pretty much reached that conclusion by giving it some thought , I think when I disect how I'm feeling about it , I feel a bit of guilt for not feeling as sympathetic toward him as I should someone in that situation. 
I got a further update last night that his specialist has advised he is unlikely to get past the next week , a mutual friend is visiting today. 
I won't be contacting the family , technically I'm not meant to know so I think I should just forget that I do.

efes_shareholder

its been going round in my head most of the day , thinking about the wrongs of the past of my ex and what a place he must be in now and whether I can provide any comfort 
I think its the good heart in me that keeps toying it over 
I need to remind myself that I am privy to information that wasn't intended to be shared outside of the family.