taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

Thanks for the encouragement guys - ES you are very right , I am not sure if she is on a basic pension as I don't even know what pension payments are these days but I do know that even with my assistance she is £50 a month short of her outgoings and that is putting the nicotine spends down to the min that step change would allow

Theres a problem , a big problem

Anyway , its our there now , I took a deep breath and bit the bullet and told her that the "im a bit short" this week story and her behaviour had concerned me so sorry but I snooped
She wasn't impressed - I didn't expect her to be.
She got fairly aggressive in her manner to me and was insisting on knowing whether I had plans to move out - in fact this seems to be very much her focus
I don't at the moment but in the lifespan of these debt needing to repayed then I might , I don't plan to drop dead either but that could happen too !!!

She insisted she was managing , I told her she wasn't , she was chopping in gold and robbing peter to pay paul and juggling , In her eyes she is making effort with the smoking , so tough love kicked in and I calmly told her that whilst I was eating 36p Aldi noodle pots at work every day to try and help her and keep the shopping down she was still getting herself to the shop and buying a £9.00 packet of cancer sticks.

Its a mess , a big mess - I heard lots of stupid non viable solutions - such as if you move out then I will sell up - hated to break it to her but that would involve removal fees and expenses in it self

The discussion avoided an argument , and i told her that I hoped she would see that I did wrong to try and do right and I am trying to help you get this straightened out and maybe my snoop is a blessing as the next step when you are using the banks money to the brink to make your payments is failed direct debits and bank charges until the banks money has run dry too

According to her , it was all under control until she changed energy provider to lower the bill , and had to pay the remaining balance - this in itself is also not accurate , this was the point there was nowhere to put that payment and i am still not sure where this money did come from

Anyway fast forward and left alone for some reflection and also to muse over the report , she hadnt realised how much it was
We are finally getting somewhere !!

The situation has pretty much dominated the weekend , I haven't done much myself other then a little bit of retail therapy ( the start of xmas shopping )

I have two days until payday and it can't come soon enough , my toe is in to a defecit and i know I will need petrol tomorrow as i have to go to the hospital and this means the tank wont last until wednesday

I am not looking forward to the procedure but I will glad to know the outcome , I can't say it hasn't been a concern to me

efes_shareholder

I have applied for a pack from step change to set up a DMP but i am thinking of doing it myself on my mums behalf

does anyone have any experience in setting up a DMP

Her current account is deep in to the overdraft - Is it better to have another account and gradually repay the O/D

NelliePie

I can't give you any advice on the DMP but I just wanted to pop by and say I think I'd have done the same if I was in your shoes. You mum needs help even if she's struggling to see it (maybe even more so if she's struggling to see she needs help!) Is it worth trying to set it up with her? Do you think having it ll in black and white in front of her will help?

Also good luck with the tests - They have to be over cautious so it could be nothing, but best to double check anyway. Try to remember unless they tell you it's bad news, then it's not bad news so don't waste your energy worrying until there is something to worry about. (Hopefully that sounds positive and not bossy!)

ftbwannabe

Well done efes, not a situation any of us would like to have to address but sounds like you managed it without falling out with her, so that's brilliant. Sounds like things are moving in the right direction.

Hope hospital is ok today & you get good news there. Pay day is nearly here...

efes_shareholder

thanks guys , it wasn't easy and i was mindful that i didnt want to come across as patronising or judgemental - I think I managed it .......JUST and i had to listen to a little bit of comparison from her and mud slinging but when a dog feels threatened they bark and I kind of expected that

She will need assistance and I will happily give it but she must also help herself . I have been observing the struggle and thats what it is ...........First off she was very dismissive of the level and just said she has always managed before but this a whole new level

However its only money and its nothing that can't be sorted out , we can shrink the elephant in the room

efes_shareholder

So Today I have had to dip a little more in to the O/D as I didn't have enough fuel to get to the hospital - technically it won't leave the account until tomorrow so that isn't not too bad

Over sight on my part that I have an installment due on a holiday booked for next year - Completely overlooked this so thats £144 i have to find from next months wage
I am kicking myself as I could have paid installments since it was booked and I haven't and as its so far in advance I have completely forgotten about the payment

ah well , its a reminder that I have to remember I can't do everything and I am balancing on the edge of a precocious situation - I shall take a look at my spreadsheet later and get some handle on where this will come from
The flights are to be cleared this month.

No Progress with mother but I have done some research in to DMP's - I am thinking that it is better to include my keep in her figures so that if I am ever not here , then the costs can be adjusted
I'm also hedging towards step change organising it all since then its just one payment , however she needs to have this available to pay at once so i will need to discuss

Hospital today - I am really not looking forward to this but it needs to be done I guess

efes_shareholder

Happy Halloween and more importantly happy pay day !!

Yesterdays procedure was as expected - uncomfortable ! also a lot more thorough then what i expected. As anticipated I have to go back for some cell removal , to my relief I will be put to sleep for this. Despite feeling slightly violated there is also a relief that there is nothing more sinister occurring and that my day surgery is a precaution rather then a cure.
Us women really did pull the short straw with mother nature.
I managed to find some humour in the room, i was given the oppurtunity to watch what the nurse was doing on her screen but i asked if she could change the channel to homes under the hammer

I'm happy to see a replenishment to my finances but feel out of control with everything in my life at the moment , Deep breaths and I am sure it will pass but ever aware that I could let it slip to a depressive mood at any point

Evening out with my eldest cub , it looks as though she is going to be looking to get on the housing ladder with her boyfriend next year , this is exciting however he wants to be on the London underground route so I am not sure how far their pounds will stretch
My youngest cub has told me he is looking at doing a further year at uni with the intention of going in to teaching on a secondary level , I think this would be a great move for him - he wants to stay in his uni town , personally I would rather he came home as it would be more cost effective but he says our home town is boring and he would prefer to stay where he is. I respect its his choice and I suspect as I have for a while that he will set himself up somewhere up north and prob never come home as such

That leaves just the middle , and also the realisation that the house could be sold within the next couple of years - this excites me and also scares the hell out of me !!

enthusiasticsaver

If your mum does a DMP she will need to include the overdraft in the DMP and open a basic no frills/overdraft current account elsewhere. This has to be with a bank she does not owe any money to.

efes_shareholder

Thanks ES - I suspected this

Also , can you stop the direct debits and pay what she can before the DMP is in place ?
This would at least enable a little cushion to be established

enthusiasticsaver

Yes the quicker she defaults on the debts the quicker they drop off her credit record. The usual advice is write to creditors asking for breathing space while a DMP is set up and ask them to stop interest. Save emergency fund and cancel direct debits except for essentials like rent/mortgage/utilities. Open basic bank account and wait until stepchange assess her and determine on monthly payments.