taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

efes_shareholder

mother nature is not being kind to me , although not suffering with the usual ailments , i feel groggy , worn out , like i'll be sick and achy ....................have done a LFT just to be sure and it seems just a suffering peri menopausal women

Had an evening over at NM's last night , lovely bath and gin and tonic and watched my shambles of a football team. He got home about 11.30 , sat up for a chat and then went to bed with the double up duvet and electric blanket .....................it was so snuggly I overslept for work today but no one noticed 

May have to get myself one of those blankets

I did go to M&S last night , didnt bother with the bath bomb gift sets as they looked  very babyish , instead i picked up some cosy socks for my daughters which they had requested for xmas and toiletry bags with their initials on for NM's daughters which i will team up with some body sanctuary mini's - its really just a token gift for them 

Do need to start plugging away with xmas

Mum hasn't had a great day with her confusion or mobility , shes eating well but getting confused about everything although some lovely flowers arrived today from my cousin ( my mums god daughter ) who have lost contact with and only recently learnt of my mums illness when she wasa contacted to be told my uncle had passed away.
My aunt is reported as stable in ICU so thats good news.


so so tempted to just pay this damm debt off now its down to the the last 1k , but don't trust myself entirely , I just want those monthly payments gone

efes_shareholder

So today it’s just me 
came downstairs to a water bottle spilt all over the floor and mum getting stroppy with me because she had to wait as she always do have too for her sickness tablet to kick in before she could have her breakfast , looked at me like I was purposely starving her even though she had got cake from the kitchen and demolished the fruit I left in case she was hungry in the night 
I’ve been and got the car cleaned and cleaned out the kitchen cupboards of our of date food , she really never has thrown anything away 
I’ve stripped my bed , swept the floors , cleaned the bathroom , washed up , made breakfast and lunch and sorted the recycling and thrown god knows how many magazines and mailers mum insisted on keeping away , and cleaned up a glass of coke she’s spilt all over the floor and picked up wipes she’s just discarded on to the floor once she’s finished with them and she’s snapping at me 
I feel like a complete and utter skivy
i know she isn’t well but you could make some effort to not make as much bloody mess as you do , but no instead you can snap at me as I’m trying to sort it out 
I’m fetching and carrying whatever she requires , doing a cooked lunch without even the slightest gratitude shown 
I mean just thank you would be nice 
I’ve retreated to my room because she’s upset me 
I have a call and collect order to pick up which I was going to do when she napped but I feel like just walking out and letting her fend for herself regardless 
I can’t do that because should anything happen it’s on my shoulders 

probably not helped that I’ve got the period from hell and would quite like to have a bath , put my pjs on , snuggle down on a sofa in a comfie lounge , preferably my own with my own mess and just myself to worry about 

vampirotoothus

Sending hugs Efes x

Buffythedebtslayer

I know exactly what you mean Efes, when mum is in pain she is so difficult, like you I run around like an idiot trying to tidy up in time (in my case before she gets up) and prepare what she might need and there is always more to do or that I could do, could I just move this or get that or make another cup of tea she won't drink and it would be amazing just to sit and and not feel the pressure of the next round of jobs to be done. My life at the moment is controlled by the washing machine, oven and dishwasher, I know I should be grateful I have them but honestly I am just so tired. 

Sending you so much love. 

efes_shareholder

saturday did improve , mum did apologise for kicking the cat.
i know she doesn't mean it and although i cant possibly know how it feels , i cant comphrehend knowing what life is like when you feel so poorly and you know death is unavoidable.

she looks so frail and weak and I need to make more effort to not take things personally , keep smiling and show her love and care ,its just tough and tiring 

NM came over saturday evening and we went to dinner and then home to watch match of the day and a film , I like him staying but it does mess my morning routine up a bit as he either has to leave before the carer arrives to wash and dress mum or stay upstairs until its done.
I also do little jobs before I go on my day off but it is nice to have him here.

We went out with friends yesterday who cooked us a nice roast dinner and then we went for a cocktail and music session ,it was lovely and just what we needed

We came back to watch MOTD and were so tired we fell asleep on the sofa untl 2.30am when I got in to bed.

Today I'm home with mum and I'll go over to NM's later , gonna knock him up a beef stew for the week and cook us some steak 

Currently trying to decide if I should buy a shark vacum cleaner in the very black friday sale , I don't have one and do want a decent one when I get my own house but maybe I should wait until I do have my own house ............................whenever that may be

No spends this weekend other then dinner saturday night at the harvester ( wrong move) we tend to take turns paying and this was my turn , £40 spend.

Seasidegal58

Sorry to hear things were so rough at home the other day. ☹️

Your day out yesterday sounded lovely though - as you remarked, just what you needed. 

I have a Shark cordless vacuum and have found it very good. I only have a small flat though, so for a house I think the corded versions are more robust and you don't have the annoyance of running out of battery time. 

efes_shareholder

Seasidegal58 said:

Sorry to hear things were so rough at home the other day. ☹️

Your day out yesterday sounded lovely though - as you remarked, just what you needed. 

I have a Shark cordless vacuum and have found it very good. I only have a small flat though, so for a house I think the corded versions are more robust and you don't have the annoyance of running out of battery time. 

I dont need it yet really but i will need something but then im thinking these things are a yearly event and maybe i should wait and pick up something that i know will be suitable for me when I actually need it

efes_shareholder

£75 has been paid in from my prem bonds so i've moved it in to my savings account for now , have to start bulking this back out again 

mums sleeping alot today but my sister she was up with the larks so I think shes almost ready for bed already , shes had tea and cakes and gone back to sleep for a while 

I'll wake her up and do her a small dinner before i go to NM's for steak later

efes_shareholder

Seasidegal58 said:

Sorry to hear things were so rough at home the other day. ☹️

Your day out yesterday sounded lovely though - as you remarked, just what you needed. 

I have a Shark cordless vacuum and have found it very good. I only have a small flat though, so for a house I think the corded versions are more robust and you don't have the annoyance of running out of battery time. 

It was lovely , nice little bar with a beautiful undercover seating area in the garden , we had cocktails and listened to lots of lovely old music and even had a bit of a bop

efes_shareholder

went to NM's last night , had annoyingly left my purse at his house so had to go back to tesco to pick up veg for beef stew as my emergancy card would not tap and I have no idea what the pin number is .....................put dinner a little bit far behind but eventually we sat down to steak , salad and home made wedges cooked in rosemary and a £7.25 spend on my part

Not good news regarding my auntie , her CT scan has shown extensive damage and they will be taking her off the artificial support in the next few days .............does this year ever stop dealing my family and I a bad hand , haven't broke this news to mum yet , the loss of my uncle realy threw her and I know this will too.
such a huge blow for my cousin too to loose both her parents in space of two weeks.