Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

f0xh0les

Hmm, I find missing the Champions League will do that to a man.

Glad you can sleep for a while.

School routine sounds crazy busy. Half Term soon.

CCL, each day is one day closer to where you want to be.

Keep on swimming, keep on swimming, keep on swimming....

beanielou

Keep plodding

crazy_cat_lady

I feel quite emotional and overwhelmed tonight. Not a great combination, and not fair either because I have so many things to be grateful for in my life. My kids are amazing. DS made me a card to tell me that he loves me, which was amazing and started me off feeling emotional.
I got a letter about a cat I sponsor at PDSA saying that she has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and that was topped off with a letter from the solicitor that set me off crying and hasn't really made me stop. It must just be one of those days where I need a good cry and a cuddle. The letter from the solicitor was fine by the way - a bit disappointing because things are not moving as fast as I had hoped. I wanted to have closure before the end of the year, but even if everything moves as fast as we can at this end, there are massive delays at the courts. I'm still really struggling with my feelings about the whole situation and it feels as if I've been like this for ages. I feel guilty about how I'm treating ex but I need to be away from him for my own wellbeing. I am still so hurt by the way he treated me, and I hope that he has changed, really I do - but that then also makes me sad because he couldn't do it while we were together. But my life is moving on without him - he had loads of chances. So every letter I get from the solicitor seems to make me cry because it feels like a reminder of something I failed badly at, and it reminds me that no matter what I did - he didn't care enough to try. And he's trying now, but it's too late.
And there's still so much to do. Can't apply for the financial order before the Nisi is through. Can't apply for the Absolute until the financial order is granted. I really wanted an end in sight so that I could find some money for the kids for Christmas, but I'm not going to now. Not short term. Ugh. Still paying the solicitor monthly and the bill is still going up and up.
Just spoke to my Head of Department, who is having a way worse day than me and feel even more guilty about how emotional I am tonight over my small fry problems. Today he buried his grandad and took his dad to a hospice for probably the last time. It's such a sad and rubbish situation to be in, and he keeps pretending he's ok, but he's clearly under a massive amount of pressure. I wish there was something I could do to help him.
I came home early from work with the intention of applying for that job but I really haven't gotten going with it. My head isn't in the right place for me to sell myself at the moment and I haven't done enough research to properly fill the form in. Don't even feel like doing any crochet or reading tonight. As is now the norm when I get home from work, I just want to go to bed.
On the plus side of today - it has been another nsd and another day of not going over my overdraft limit. I have managed a half decent teaching day, and all 7 of my cats are still here. I'm taking the small things today... trying to focus on the good stuff.

crazy_cat_lady

By the way.
Still stressing about money. I would appreciate it if anyone could give me a rough idea of how much spending money they think I will need when me and the kids go to Fuertaventura in February. We're there 5 days all inclusive but I presume that we'll need some spends - I'm just not sure how much.

apple_muncher

Hugs ccl x

Your ds is lovely!

beanielou

What a lovely thing for your DS to do

Honeysucklelou2

How lovely of your DS. The court system does seem to take a long time and is frustrating. Whenever a solicitor's letter arrives, it takes concentration and thought about how to respond or even which decision to take. I can understand each letter making you cry but perhaps see it as part of the grieving process. Thinking of you...

f0xh0les

Massive hugs CCL

You are dealing with your stuff, and as a decent compassionate human being, you can sympathise with your collegue. There is no sliding scale for grief. You are both grieving, him for his grandad and losing his own father, and you are grieving for the future you thought you had.

It might be that xDH needs to be on his own to fix himself. It might be one of those things that you simply cannot and could never help him with. Some people can't cope with the whole stresses and strains of family and family life. You are setting him free to do what he needs to do. There is no failure there. There is bravery and caring. It is sad, so you are allowed to be sad, but you held it together for so long.

Everyone I know who goes All Inclusive comes back with money and says they hardly spent anything. It is only 5 days. An important 5 days, but still.

Your DS sounds great.

SpekySquarehead

CCL - Lovely to hear about your DS and let that be a reminder of what you mean to the kids. Not so long ago you were questioning things like that, so cherish that little momento.

I hope you feel a bit more positive over the weekend and subsequently pluck up the energy to fill out the application and get back into the swing of things.

If you're happy to stay in the hotel most nights then you'll need very little. It's worth having some back up though should the food in the hotel not be to your taste.

Hope you get a good nights sleep tonight

dawnybabes

Agree with everyone else. We normally end up buying a few packets of crisps but that's all.

You are doing so well juggling everything x