Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

Eager_Elephant

(((CCL)) Hope tomorrow is a better day and maybe seek out some adult company?

Although I have seen a solicitor I haven't progressed the divorce yet, I only did it as he wouldn't see sense about leaving and didn't realise I was serious until I did it so in that respect it was worth the money but I am still pondering a divorce on unreasonable behaviour, I fear his behaviour could be deemed as normal for a marriage as in the supreme court case last week as I believe he will contest it which means waiting 5 years as right now I can't see him agreeing to any divorce.
I know I am very lucky in that we don't have any assets to fight over which will make things easier.

I did tell him last night that I should have walked away all them years ago and that is my biggest regret.

Maybe we need to meet up and have a good old divorce moan!!!

beanielou

I will come too!!!

GlendaSugarbean

CCL: it does seem unfair. Def worth offering the lump sum, or 1/2 the debt plus child support.

OTOH, not only do you have plenty of time to build up your pension etc, you managed so well even while supporting his lazy bum ways. So just think what you can achieve when you're shot of him! You will come out of this with a home, a career, some savings and the kids. Whatever he gets is likely to be frittered away and then he'll be back to rock bottom again. Or, best case scenario, he wakes up and starts acting like an adult.

crazy_cat_lady

Morning all :hello:
Well I was asleep early and woke up at quarter past seven with an absolutely stinking headache. I've done the dishes and put the rubbish out and am having a cuppa before I go to work. I feel marginally better but still on the verge of tears. I'm hoping that getting out of the house and doing something will clear my head and make me feel better. I'll get this bit of work done and that's then something else I can tick off the list.
I don't have much option for adult company at the moment. Bestie 1 is in Devon (I'm in Sunderland), bestie 2 is in N.Yorks but has a hospital appointment today so isn't available, my mam is at work and my work bestie is on holiday. So you lot need to be careful offering a get together otherwise I may just get in the car and turn up on your doorstep for a cuppa and a b**ching session. I suspect I'll spend a lot of the afternoon on here if I still need to get stuff off my chest. Not that there's anything new - just the same thing over and over again.
EE - I mentioned to my solicitor about that story on the news. He said it's a very rare occurrence but it does occasionally happen. However, as ex has already signed his papers I don't need to worry about that. We will definitely be divorced in the next couple of months - the money situation may take longer, but I think he will be more desperate for a short term fix than I am.
Right - time to get on.

SpekySquarehead

Morning CCL,

I hope you had a better nights sleep last night.

I've just caught up on the goings on and I can tell you've been through the wringer - again! It's tough just now but as Glenda says, think of how much better things will be in the not too distant future. We're here if you need us.

joeyjimbles

Oh I feel for you.
My best friend went through a very similar situation. Her ex did a low paid job, refused overtime or any attempts to advance his career, didn't help with the kids etc - when they divorced he got half the value of the house, half her pension and tried to get spousal support as well. He sees the kids for a couple of hours twice a week - mostly because she encourages them to go. She was prepared to give him half the house to get a financial settlement and close that part of her life - the pension raid came as a complete shock.
Fortunately she has a good 20+ years to build it up again, and she's had two promotions since the divorce but it's left a very bitter taste.
I agree with all those pushing you to go for your best scenario first and see where you go from there. I know Best friend wishes she'd fought harder for her pension now it's all over - too late sadly.
Sending you positive vibes and hope the weekend gives you time for rest.

Chrystal

The start point is that my solicitor is going to write to him again and offer him a lump sum as a financial clean break. He thinks it's fair in terms of the house but not particularly the pension - I'm offering a 50/50 split of the very limited equity in the house and I will keep any debt we have. However, if he decides that he is going to go for my pension, then I will go for what is legally allowed rather than what is fair. That includes a bigger share of the equity in the house, and costs for the divorce, and giving him half of the debt, and contacting the csa (or whoever they are now).

Hopefully this will swing it for you. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it does.
Hope you feel a bit more positive soon (((hugs)))

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all :wave:
Thank goodness I found something else to do other than bore you all to death on here with the same moan over and over again... You must all be very relieved.
I went into work as planned, and was there almost 3 hours - so slightly longer than I expected. But I got the stuff done that I needed to and that should be it now until results day.
Got home just after lunchtime - kids had blackmailed me into getting them a MaccyD - I treated myself to one of their strawberry lemonades but had leftovers for my lunch.
Got an email from my solicitor with a copy of the letter they are sending to ex, and I just feel like an utter moo now, but it is still my pension rather than his. I am expecting him at the house soon but only to pick ds up. It's the first day of Sunderland being in League 1 or something tomorrow so they're going to the match and ds is staying over tonight. I did wonder if ex would be well enough but seems he is, and ds is looking forward to it. I'm just wondering if I should suggest again that ex get a solicitor - I'll feel like less of a b**ch, even if I am hanging myself financially. I'm either a decent human or a complete mug.
On a more positive note I am feeling a bit better - mentally but not physically. Can't shake my dizziness and fuzzy head, but I have relaxed for most of the afternoon at least. I spoke to the man that I've decided to work with to try and get my health and fitness on track. I probably can't afford it (even if YNAB says I can) but I think it's what I need - I just can't seem to be accountable to myself, so if I need someone watching over everything I eat and drink and kicking my backside to do exercise then that's what I will do. When I had a trainer in previous years I did really well - it's just when I'm only accountable to myself, I can't do it. Anyway, he's lovely and seems keen on helping me out, and I felt quite motivated after I got off the phone - not quite raring to go but not far off. We shall see - fingers crossed.

beanielou

Your ex is a grown up & it is up to him to get him own legal advice.

Chrystal

I agree with Beanie - he's probably thinking that if he acts pathetic you'll take pity on him ... DON'T. He's made his choices over the last 16 years so let him live with them. You need to concentrate on yourself and the DC. X