Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

beanielou

You are indeed doing ok

Eager_Elephant

I think counselling is a good idea, I am also thinking about it but we don't have a work counselling service so would need to find a nice one somewhere.
I want to chat to someone about emotional abuse and also the fact that I think I am co-dependent which is why my marriage carried on as it was for so long.

Hope you manage to take time for yourself this week.

foxgloves

Hi CCL,
Sounds like you are doing very well during a time of upheaval. I think that's probably down to the fact that you have taken the driving seat in this & taken a very big decision to move your life forward, as it did seem to have reached a point of stasis which was making you unhappy & frustrated. School sounds sooooo busy atm, exam season, extra marking, etc, but it's already the end of the 1st week of June on Friday (where is the time going this year??) & although it probably doesn't feel like it, it is now less than 2 months until the end of term. I think it's a case of keeping all the juggling balls adequately in the air (perfection isn't required most of the time unless you are a brain surgeon - something it took me a while to learn, as like you, I can have a tendency to beat myself up if I think I could have done better) & then you will have those summer weeks at home to move some other stuff on, get into new routines, do a bit of stuff with your children, maybe have a family meeting about new ways of all three of you working together, & importantly, do some nice stuff for yourself too! It's a new chapter of your life, & although obviously tinged with sadness - that goes without saying - there's always that sense of promise, as you are now free to make different choices, new discoveries & maybe to embed one or two different habits which make you feel happier & less stressed. It's just that all of this has come at your busiest time of the academic year and I can understand that will be adding more anxiety. I don't feel I have anything particularly wise to say, m'duck, apart from just to keep going & to remember to TREAT YOURSELF KINDLY.....in fact, I think I should commission a little pixie to pop up the A1 one night & tattoo that across your forehead!!
F xx

crazy_cat_lady

Hello everyone! :coffee:
Still massively busy here and just waiting for the exam marking system to load up, so sneaking on to say hello and catch up for a few minutes.
I feel really tired today. I didn't want to wake up this morning, haven't felt like working all day and now don't want to sit and mark. However, I'm focussing on what you said Foxgloves - about it getting towards the end of the summer term. It's utterly manic for a few weeks and then it all falls into place. And goodness knows that I really need the money this year - more than ever.

In amongst teaching, writing reports and exam marking I am becoming increasingly frustrated with my mortgage company. I have requested a call back on no less than 3 occasions now, and am still waiting. The initial contact from my solicitor arrived with me and my ex today so it's not the finances that are holding things up. I need to see where I stand in terms of a mortgage and stuff before I can go any further. There's a huge exit fee on my current mortgage and their stupid online system STILL isn't working. I can't do anything over the phone - I have to speak to an advisor from a branch. Ugh.

Also saw the counsellor through work today. Strangely enough, it's the same guy I saw 2 years ago when I was struggling with work/life balance just after my ex had been signed off sick again. I was really pleased that it was him because I really liked him, and he listened to me and didn't judge at all. However, he does want to see me again because he's worried that I might get really stressed out by the situation and my own anxiety and self confidence. He says he's pleased that I have such confidence in my decision, but I need reminding to stick to my guns, because ( whether he's aware of it or not ) my ex has learned that if he behaves in a helpless way then I will attempt to look after him because I'm a nice person and I care. So he wants me to be clear that there's a line that I will not cross to help him. I'm convinced in my head that I'm just helping until the money is sorted, but who knows. I was also convinced that I wasn't a victim of abuse, but more and more people are starting to say that his behaviour has been emotionally abusive over the years. Including the counsellor. This is the thing that I'm struggling the most with I think - that I am the victim of anything. All I ever wanted to do was help and I somehow ended up being treated in a way that I didn't deserve. It will take me a long time to get my head round that. So EE, I'm with you on that front as well. I always felt so guilty doing things without him, or without consulting him on decisions, and then he tried to tell me that I always got what I wanted... My head is all over at the moment!

Right - I'd best get on. Back later.

apple_muncher

Ccl -you made the best decisons that you could at that time., in those circumstances. Hindsight can be pesky and make you think you could/should/ought to have done it better/differently. Kick hindsight in to touch, and be kind to yourself. Hugs x

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all :hello:
Too busy to get on last night, and currently busy juggling marking and waiting for Mr T to deliver my online shop. So I thought I'd add to it by checking in on here.
Ex rang me last night to talk about the divorce - it was all very civil indeed and he says that he's not going to contest it - just get it over and done with as quickly as possible. So we shall see. He also spoke to the kids, which was nice. He says that he's coming to watch ds at his swimming lesson tomorrow - we'll see if that happens.
Also finally managed to catch up with a mortgage advisor from my current provider. I have an appointment Monday to go through the finances and see if they will let me take the mortgage on my own. Fingers firmly crossed because that is the most stressful thing for me at the moment. As soon as I know he has no legal right to the house any more I will relax. But to be fair, I already feel a lot better about it having spoken to him sensibly since the incident with the police.
There isn't much else to report to be honest. I'm still skint. Still tired. Still busy. I can't believe it's Thursday already - not sure where this week has gone to. Haven't managed a nsd today because Mr T are about to deliver my weekly shop any time - that has come in at £77 for the week. Need to look at reducing that a bit...

crazy_cat_lady

Hello :hello: - I can just about see my way out of this gigantic marking pile in front of me. This has been the busiest weekend of the marking so far though so I'm only on for a little while. There are 4 (yes 4 ongoing marking contracts at the moment so I need to keep very busy with that. The plan is to mark for a bit then do something else for a bit. Now it's time for me to have a little break on here and catch up. It's more pleasant than the other jobs that I've given myself to do (like putting the rubbish out, going in the loft to put stuff away etc).
It's been a busy and a bit of a strange weekend. It has been mainly work without a doubt - but I'm another weekend closer to the 6 weeks hols so I'm looking forward to that. My ex did come to watch ds at his swimming lesson on Friday and I'm really pleased to report that he seems to be doing really well. He was chatty and seemed like the old him that I fell in love with all those years ago. Don't worry, I'm not going back there at all - but I do feel really sad that we couldn't be happy together, and that we're so much better apart. But it's a good thing all in all. Anyway - I was a bit flat after that, and got home to find dd really upset as well. A couple of things were bothering her - her dad and her boyfriend. I let her have a good cry on me, which made me feel even more sad. I suggested that she contact her dad and her boyfriend to see if she could do anything to make herself feel better. So, she arranged to spend the day with her dad on Saturday, which sorted that out - she came home from that feeling a lot better. She also managed to clear the air with her boyfriend as well. Bless her, she's so grown up for someone so young. She's much better since she saw her dad and I hope she'll be the same once she sees her boyfriend at school tomorrow. I wouldn't be a teenager again for all the money in the world - especially not now where you can't do anything without it being broadcast to the world online...
Being so busy has meant that I've had a spend free weekend. This is good news because I'm completely broke at the moment. Thankfully the exam money should be arriving before too long... and I've also managed to squeeze a tutoring session in today so I have the cash for the kids dinner money for next week. Phew, it's tight! And I'm trying not to think about the £547 I've put on a credit card this past month - I'm officially in debt again.

beanielou

Nor would I be a teenager again for all the money in the world & everything on social media :eek:
Glad marking is going well

Eager_Elephant

Great going on the exam marking!!


i swear we are the same people - my STBEXH has also completely changed (apart from owing me money), he did his washing on Friday night as washing machine delivered then, hung it out Sat am before work and he got it in Sat pm when he got back!!
Then yesterday we all called in after collecting DS from Uni so he could see the house and while we were there STBEXH said he needed to hang some towels up that he had washed the day before. I was :eek::eek:

He would never do anything like that when he lived here.


I'm so pleased that your ex is sorting himself out, I still think that I was partly to blame for my STBEXH being like he was as I allowed it and that is all part of the co-dependency.

How lovely that DD spent some time with him, as much as he has been a not very good dad he is her dad and sometimes girls just want their dads.

And as for social media - just dont get me started on it:rotfl:

Hope you have a good week and the marking slows down

crazy_cat_lady

Evening all :hello:
Didn't get as far through the marking as I'd hoped, in spite of marking for over 25 hours in total at the weekend. It's a slower job but will be worth it once the cash starts rolling in. The chemistry is lovely but I'm finding the biology stuff a bit more challenging if I'm being honest. However, I love doing it and I love the extra help with my own teaching, and it's worth it come the summer when I have a little bit more money to get through the 6 weeks with the kids.
Woke up this morning with a stuffy head and sore eyeballs. I'm hoping that it's just general fatigue and being worn out from the time of year etc rather than that I'm coming down with something. I'm a bit too busy to get sick.
EE - I'm not surprised any more that our lives seem to follow such similar paths. I often catch myself wondering if you're going through exactly the same stuff as I am. I popped into the solicitors on my way home from work this evening to hand the latest batch of paperwork in, and I've contacted my bank to get a statement to give to my current mortgage provider, to see if they'll give me a mortgage in my own name.
Other than that, work, quick trip to the vets with one of the cats needing booster jabs and more marking. No spending though - that's all paid for already.