Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 3 - A New Beginning

apple_muncher

You have lived with such tension for so long, that you are bound to be exhausted from it now that it has reduced. Keep breathing - s l o w l y.

Hope Lunnon is interesting.

crazy_cat_lady

So last night was really interesting. My husband turned up at the door randomly at about 6pm. I think he genuinely thought that if he'd hidden for long enough then he would come back and all would be forgiven and life would carry on as normal. He has spent the last of his money and now has no money and no place to stay. I felt really horrible kicking him out again at 8 but I'm not backing down. I did offer to take him to hospital and sit until he'd had a psychiatric assessment, I also offered to go to the council so he could declare himself homeless, and I even suggested that he ring my dad. He just kept saying no.
As a result my mood is all over the place again today and I have been really tearful. I don't know where he ended up - I just know that I can't have him back home, and that he is still refusing every offer of help that I give him. I just desperately want to move on with my life, and for him to move on with his life instead of running away and hiding.
More later - I'm at work at the moment.

Eager_Elephant

(((CCL))

Hope you managed to get through the working day,

Its so difficult when you have been married for so long but there is only so much you can put up with.

I am lucky that my WS has the income to private rent and a very good boss if money needed to be borrowed.
Tonight WS has announced how much he is looking forward to living on his own and also how house proud he is going to be - shame he wasn't ever house proud in this home!!!

SpekySquarehead

Morning CCL,

Good on you for staying strong and consistent. You're not giving off mixed signals and he should know where he stands. You seem much clearer in your thinking than you were months ago. But, I appreciate it must have been hard. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

PurpleFairy26

Hope you're ok cat thinking of you.

beanielou

Hope you are ploddinhg on

JWPopps

Hi CCL,

I found this diary today and I'm so sorry you're going through everything you are. It seems very clear to me (and it seems, everyone else here!) that you are making incredibly difficult decisions every day and you're doing the very best you can under awful circumstances.

I don't know if I'll be any use to you whatsoever but I've subscribed so that there's another supportive voice rallying in your corner!!

-JW

crazy_cat_lady

Hi all :hello:

Sorry for my absence since Monday afternoon - it's exam season, and I'm so busy on top of everything else that's going on. I'm trying to juggle work as a teacher, as a senior examiner, and the personal situation. It all kind of came to a head at once and I've literally not had a spare minute where I've felt emotionally able to get online.

In brief - Monday afternoon he eventually went to the council to declare himself homeless. Too late for them to do anything that day. I ended up paying for him a night in a hotel room so he could get there first thing next morning.

Tuesday 3pm, dd rang me at work saying her dad was in the house refusing to leave and saying the council told him he had the legal right to be there. He had managed to get my 80 something year old neighbours to let him in (scared them into it and lied to them according to them) and was refusing to go. I ended up ringing the police and dashing straight home from work. It wasn't a pleasant exchange but the police ended up agreeing that he couldn't stay due to his unreasonable behaviour, and I ended up forking out £300 for 9 nights for him to stay in a b&b. One police officer took him there, while the other told me I was being emotionally abused and that they would keep him out of the house if he came back again.

Wednesday I had work in the morning and managed to get a solicitor's appointment in the afternoon. Solicitor agreed that I have every right to keep him out of the house as there is an issue with his previous behaviour, current mental state and what the kids might have to deal with. He's keen to avoid getting an injunction, although he says I'll get it easily, as that will have an impact on ex in terms of criminal stuff, and it will be expensive as I don't get legal aid. He said that if he comes back I need to refuse him entry and ring the police immediately. I have another appointment next week to get the divorce underway, and am looking into applying for a mortgage in my own name. I really hope that I don't need to get an injunction.

Then I had to come to London for an examiners meeting Wednesday night. I've never stopped since. Got here at 11pm, worked all day yesterday and was out for a team dinner last night. Bestie is looking after the kids between our two houses and they are both doing really well - better emotionally than I am I think, although ex seems to think I'm turning them against him when I've done nothing of the sort. DD is nearly 14 and quite capable of making her own decisions in life. I've told them on Wednesday and last night that they both have their dad's number if they want to contact him. At the moment they've both chosen not to.

I should have time later tonight to get on for a proper catch up. Thanks everyone as always for all of the support.

SpekySquarehead

Oh wow CCL. It's been eventful and it can't have been easy. Well done you for, once again, sticking to your guns and doing the right thing. You've been incredibly compassionate and helpful, when many others wouldn't when in your shoes and you should take a lot of pride in that.

foxgloves

Oh my days, CCL, I think you need some kind of medal for this week. I'm sending you a virtual one. But I haven't done any metalwork since I was in Year 7, so it will have to be a virtual knitted one, ok?

What a drama to be dealing with during exam week & with a London work trip too. It must have been very upsetting, & unsettling for your children too. It sounds like your ex hasn't accepted the finality of the situation yet. The period of time you have paid for him to have B&B accommodation will hopefully provide time for him to engage with the council & any other necessary providers. Of course it feels easier just to come home & carry on where he left off. I understand that, but if nothing is ever going to change, & it seems on your evidence of some time now that it is not, then something has to give. I am certainly sympathetic to mental health problems. I am involved with a local charity & have experienced a period of mental unwellness myself a long time ago, but the thing is that you have to want to change. People can support you, they can signpost various sources of help, even drive you to the door & go in with you & hold your hand, but ultimately, you have to take responsibility for yourself & your path to recovery. I can totally understand why you paid for a B&B. It was an emergency & you can't be married to someone all that time & not still care what happens to them. However, I think you must hope that this won't be a regular payment, as that's quite a wodge of cash when you're adjusting to your new single-wage budget.
But you know what? I think you're sounding very practical & 'together', considering it's a pressurised time at work, you have your London stuff, & you've still managed to deal with this drama in a coherent & practical way. it's a difficult time, but there's probably that sense too, that this is the beginning of moving forward out of a situation you were sadly unable to change, & there must be a degree of relief about that too.
Anyway, take care of yourself & hope the exams go well.
F xx