Money Moral Dilemma: Should I cut my sons out of my will?

pollym57

I say it’s your money to do with what you like. Enjoy your life, SPEND IT! If you have none to leave then they can’t fight over it. It’s not a child’s right to get an inheritance anyway. I told both my parents to spend theirs on things like holidays and breaks away, new clothes, furniture, anything that makes them happy. Just leave enough to cover the funeral expenses if you haven’t got that covered. Bringing up a child is expensive so they’ve already done very nicely out of you. Leave a little to each/any Grandchildren you may have.

lukes7913

'Rights rights right. You have every right.'

How about some responsibility to go along with those rights? It's a low thing to seriously consider making your final act in this world petty and selfish. Consider your legacy and forget "text messages".

Family is an idea bigger than feuds, bigger than any grievances and bigger than any one member. It's the original poster's decision but I'll be damned if what's proposed isn't the wrong one.

As an aside, what exactly do some posters see as the point of rearing children? Don't we want to see them live a better life than we did and have all the things we didn't - protect them from the pain we've faced? They're pieces of you and will be some of, if not the only people there for you in the end.

westiod

TakeItEazy wrote: »

My mum did this but she left my brothers share to be split between his children.

My mother is in a similar situation - she won't forgive my sister for her bad behaviour when my father died (she attempted to take over the funeral and invited some people my mother did not like or welcome) so she's left something to her grand daughter instead. This has caused a breach between my sister and myself. Trying to get my sister and my mother to draw a line under this and move on has only caused me grief from both of them and I expect this will get worse after Mum dies. If you can get a reconciliation between your sons it's worth the effort as your daughter will be the ultimate victim if this bad feeling continues.

Pollycat

lukes7913 wrote: »

'Rights rights right. You have every right.'

How about some responsibility to go along with those rights? It's a low thing to seriously consider making your final act in this world petty and selfish. Consider your legacy and forget "text messages".

How about the children of the OP of this MMD show some responsibility - and respect towards their mother?
Maybe they should forget their feud and stop with the text messages.

lukes7913 wrote: »

Family is an idea bigger than feuds, bigger than any grievances and bigger than any one member. It's the original poster's decision but I'll be damned if what's proposed isn't the wrong one.

No it isn't bigger.
For some families maybe, but not all.

lukes7913 wrote: »

As an aside, what exactly do some posters see as the point of rearing children? Don't we want to see them live a better life than we did and have all the things we didn't - protect them from the pain we've faced? They're pieces of you and will be some of, if not the only people there for you in the end.

Perhaps the children of the OP of the MMD should consider what their Mother has done for them already.
Perhaps they should consider the pain they've been causing her for years.
The point of rearing children?
Maybe the parents of Fred West, Harold Shipman, Peter Sutcliffe et al could tell you what they think the point of rearing children is.

Andy65x

You was once a child yourself ! I am sure if you look back to when you was young yourself, if you had brothers and sisters you will remember all the conflicts between your siblings.

I am also sure that Mummy usually gives the most to the little darling that she perceives has the most problems. Usually a child with out of control gambling/drinking/drugs.
In the eyes of the child that has very good self control it is understandable that the child who has self control will voice their concerns to Mummy and state quite clearly that by giving their out of control sibling money is definitely not the answer !
As always, while one child protects another child will take advantage.

Example
Two brothers.
One drinks/gambles/takes and sells drugs.
One does not gamble or takes or sells drugs
Behind the scenes Mummy gives all she has to the one who gambles/takes and sells drugs and also tells him not to let his brother know about it !
Mummy then turns to the other child and asks if she can borrow money on the pretext of bills,
Good child finds out that money given in good faith in what is perceived as helping Mummy then finds out that the money wasn't for bills and was in fact going to the brother who was completely off the rails ! and spending with wild abandon.
Mummy also tells child that is off the rails that if it wasn't for their brother they would be in a mess.
The only result in this is that
Far from helping the out of control child, it puts a wedge between the two brothers.

Your choice is your choice. No one can tell you what to do. There is only one person who can stop this escalating. I don't know if you are married but your husband would have given you good solid advice in what to do,
Unfortuntely, not many women take the advice of thier husbands and instead cause a rift between the child and the father.
It is your WILL and your CHOICE
Choose wisely and good luck

Big_Ot

If you don't deserve the foul mouthed texts and your daughter hasn't sent any to you, then cut the sons out and give them a reason to have been so rude.

Mojisola

Andy65x wrote: »

I am also sure that Mummy usually gives the most to the little darling that she perceives has the most problems. Usually a child with out of control gambling/drinking/drugs.

Your choice is your choice. No one can tell you what to do. There is only one person who can stop this escalating. I don't know if you are married but your husband would have given you good solid advice in what to do,

Unfortuntely, not many women take the advice of thier husbands and instead cause a rift between the child and the father.

Andy back under his old name?

Andy65x

Andy is the name I had no choice in. It was a choice my parents made when they decided to brand and give me the label of a name. Not very original I know.

This is the first time I have joined MSE forum.
You will find that Andy is a popular name and removes my choice of being unique or individual because I share the same name with many others.
My post is written from life experience having also once been a child myself and seeing conflict within my own family.
I'm happy to say that no money was left to me because neither of my parents did not make a will.
Any money that was unspent was spent by my older siblings who were out of control and off the rails.
I'm also happy to write that I am very happy with having very little.
Remember ! having money makes you a target. The least I have the least that can be taken from me.
I am the youngest of four children. What you call a silent witness. I witnessed the very worse that humanity has to offer whilst growing up and that was within my own family !
My siblings are seen for what they are. Liars thieves and cheats. I am no longer embarressed to disclose this.

Lifeis2Short

Dis-inheriting 2 out of 3 children will only cement a fractured relationship between all of the family.

People think that dis-inheriting someone is a good idea to make a point. It doesn't make any point, you are dead when they realise and any sane person wouldn't be counting your money before your die.

Talk to your children. Put them in a room together, bang their heads together (metaphorically) and ask them to find a way to be pleasant before you die so you know your grandchildren will all know each other and their aunts and uncles for generations to come. Its worth more than all the money in the world. And use inheritance for a family holiday and memories, rather than leaving your hard earned cash for other people to benefit from.

Life is too short :beer:

Mojisola

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

I have two sons who have been in a feud for 10 years.

I've been caught in the middle and received foul-mouthed text messages from both of them.

I now feel I want to make my will out in favour of my daughter only.

Does your daughter have any kind of relationship with her brothers?