Money Moral Dilemma: Should I cut my sons out of my will?

keithwhite

Your will is your last chance to demonstrate fairness to your family. Divide your will equally between your children.
The family will only contest it and change it all if you don't.

chris5100

The way i see it is you have every right to do what you want with your will.

Perhaps leave money in trust for your sons children to cover university fees and a deposit for a house. Explain given the situation that you do not feel appreciative of how they have treated you, but do not want to discount your grandchildren.

You could leave 1/3 to each son - nominate half for their children and the other half for a charity of each sons choice. Explain you have done this to make sure they put other people first and that you hope they use it as a lesson to think about people other than themselves!!!

jaguk

Let me think.

If a stranger verbally abused you and generally treated you badly, you wouldn't give your money to them, but because family do it to you then it's different.

No, it's not.

By giving them a sum then you will teach them a lesson. They will learn that you can treat people very badly and still get rewarded.

Teach them a life lesson. You don't go through life treating people badly- family or not. They have had ten years to do something and make amends. I take it they haven't

Make them better people by forcing them to re-evaluate their thinking

concerned4mymoney

You need to take advice from a Wills and Probate specialist.

If you currently have a Will that benefits all 3 children, cutting out your sons could leave a new Will open to being challenged. Would you want a significant chunk of your money to go on legal costs rather than benefitting any of your children?

It could also make a difference if one or more of your sons is currently dependant upon you for financial assistance/contributions.

Does your daughter rely on you financially, or does she provide you with lots of help that you feel you want to 'repay' her for - perhaps there could be a valid reason for giving her a bigger share?

By all means you can have a rant at them, if they make you feel so strongly about about how they are behaving with you (foul language and involving you in arguments/disputes that you could do without hearing about), but you can't make them actually like each other or get on with each other.

Sometimes, a parent trying to force a 'make up' or a 'like each other' situation can actually make things worse.

Perhaps what you could think about doing is changing how you react or feel about the way they are behaving? Perhaps you could tell each of your sons calmly that the way they are behaving with each other is causing you distress and you don't want to take sides so you would rather not hear about it at all. You might want to explain what you are doing to your daughter and make sure she is not going to tell you about any negative things going on between the 2 brothers.

Make sure they all know you love and care about them equally, and that you continue to communicate with all of them about everything other than what is going on between the 2 brothers. Have a strategy ready to stop them immediately (politely) if any of them starts to talk/text about things you don't want to be involved in - and try to let it go; it won't be easy, but it will be better for you if you can stop this getting you down.

chesky

jaguk wrote: »

Teach them a life lesson. You don't go through life treating people badly- family or not. They have had ten years to do something and make amends. I take it they haven't

Make them better people by forcing them to re-evaluate their thinking

But people don't react that way. They will just go on blaming each other for their individual losses and become even more bitter.

Mjkpio

Is this Liam and Noel Gallagher's mum??!!

Malthusian

So this feud has been going on for ten years, and the OP has now decided to do something to punish their sons after being caught in the middle, and their solution is - to do absolutely nothing about it until the day of their death.

By the time the OP dies the brothers could easily have kissed and made up, but still be disinherited because the OP has lost mental capacity to change their Will or can't be bothered.

Far more likely is that at the time of the OP's death, the brothers have long left the feud behind and got on with their lives - but then the feud will erupt all over again when they challenge the Will. So the OP will have succeeded in making the feud even worse than it would otherwise have been, and probably dragged their daughter into it as well.

I'm not going to suggest any alternative solution because there's no point. The OP has indicated that they aren't interested in actually doing anything in their lifetime or in having a positive effect.

panagia

I wouldn't make a will out of spite, it'll only get contested anyway and the 2 warring sons will inherit, regardless.

gazzak_2

Why leave any of them anything? Spend the lot and enjoy your last years. Travel the world.

VT82

panagia wrote: »

I wouldn't make a will out of spite

Agree with everyone saying something along the lines of this.


Of all the suggestions so far, the one I'm in most agreement with is giving the daughter her share, but cascading the sons' shares down to their kids. But don't warn them beforehand, because that would count as weaponising your will, which I find unbelievably tacky!