Money Moral Dilemma: Should I cut my sons out of my will?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I have two sons who have been in a feud for 10 years. I've been caught in the middle and received foul-mouthed text messages from both of them. I now feel I want to make my will out in favour of my daughter only. Would that be wrong, after all they've put me through?

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POPPYOSCAR

Have you told them how you feel?

If not then give them a chance to put things right.

If they do not then do as you see fit. Do not leave them out altogether though just leave them a nominal amount of say £100 each.

pphillips

I don't think it's right or wrong, I think that it's a very personal decision that only you can make.

Primrose

Leaving everything to your daughter will probably ensure that after your death there is family acrimony between her and her brothers if she,s not already the target of this at the moment.

Why not write to them all saying you're making a will and apointing an independent executor which probably the family will not be happy with but which reflects the state of family relationships at the moment. Don't tell them whas in it. Just say that for the sake of putting your affairs in order it's chore which needs to be done.

Tell them that you are giving your family 12 months to put their collective family relationships in order and that if this has happened you will revise your will conditional on good relationships remaining permanently in place.

It sounds like the plot of a Jeffrey Archer novel but it may act as an incentive for them all to think about the long term future and how long they're prepared to continue this feud and how it's impacting on the rest of the family.

Have you also thought about appointing a power of attorney? Don't appoint feuding relatives. It will never work. Perhaps appoint your daughter if you have a good relationship with her and another independent person as a backup?

Money_maker

Its your choice. If you think you will feel the same way in 10 or 20 years then do it. I wouldn't bother warning them.

Fireflyaway

I'd only not include a child if they really really did something totally unforgivable. Your will is your parting gesture. It could impact your sons forever. They can't ask questions or apologize when you are gone. Write them a letter to explain how hurt you feel and ask them to make up.

Pollycat

Your money.
Your will.
Your choice.

For your daughter's sake, make sure it's watertight if you're cutting out your sons.

onlyroz

It all sounds very petty. Are you in good health or do you expect to depart this world soon?

One of my mum's favourite threats is to leave everything to the cats home. I told her she was welcome to.

1angelwater

Children do not have a right to an inheritance. Being named in a will is a privilege not a right. If your sons don’t treat you with respect then why should their lack of respect be rewarded. Respect costs them nothing to give. If you ask anyone their opinion Most would say to you do what you feel you are happy with. Children did not ask to be brought into this world, we just do, however I am guessing you have never questioned their needs during the growing up time and given what you feel correct and could give into adulthood. This is where your duty ends. If you sit them down and talk to them , well yes they could make an effort but what happens if they revert back to their old ways. Personally I would say don’t give them anything and revisit your will if their attitude changes. I know if my children treat me like this then I would rather the deserving have it more than the outright rude. Sorry just saying my opinion.

richardjmcdougall

You could always leave a reduced sum to the Sons and leave some to a local charity for example it might stop or at least vastly cut down any future bickering in years to come! I suppose there is no easy answer.

REJP

See a solicitor to get a will drawn up that they cannot contest.
Some solicitors will give you half an hours worth of free advice, check locally by telephone before going to the office.
I am assuming you have warned your sons that unless they change their disgraceful attitude and foul language towards you they will be disinherited?