Bought a house without my partner of 7 months and she has left me. Advice?

Lrimas

I disagree with the other posters. At 27 she is going to start thinking long term and possibly start think about children.

Buying a house is long term while renting is short term. You buying a house (even if it is practical) basically shouted: I do not see us living together ever.

While that wasn't your intention I would have run miles away at that age as well.

elsien

Lrimas wrote: »

I disagree with the other posters. At 27 she is going to start thinking long term and possibly start think about children.

Buying a house is long term while renting is short term. You buying a house (even if it is practical) basically shouted: I do not see us living together ever.

While that wasn't your intention I would have run miles away at that age as well.

How come it's ok for her to buy an apartment but not for him to buy a house? Just a tiny bit of inconsistency going on there, don't you think?
I'm wondering if this was the excuse that was needed to make the break. Just seeing each other at weekends and otherwise leading separate lives with no prospect of any change for the next two years would seem to focus the mind a little.
Have either of you ever discussed changing jobs to be closer together? Do you even want the same things?

Lrimas

elsien wrote: »

How come it's ok for her to buy an apartment but not for him to buy a house? Just a tiny bit of inconsistency going on there, don't you think?
I'm wondering if this was the excuse that was needed to make the break. Just seeing each other at weekends and otherwise leading separate lives with no prospect of any change for the next two years would seem to focus the mind a little.
Have either of you ever discussed changing jobs to be closer together? Do you even want the same things?

I don't see anywhere that it says she bought an apartment.

If she did it makes my argument moot.

elsien

E2D wrote: »

Hi,

However she has taken this as a massive lack of commitment and sees this as me moving away from her. She has subsequently left me on the basis that I've got no commitment I'm selfish etc. She also seems to be hung up on the fact that we didn't discuss it. I tried to talk to her about it after I'd been to see the new builds but not reserved anything and she was not receptive in the slightest. Essentially just didn't speak to me for a few days, by which point I'd then placed a reservation fee as I didn't want to miss out. Prior to this, about 4 days before, she had been to look at buying an apartment in London, had got mortgages approved etc and had also booked to see another development so I did not see this as her being ready to make the commitment with me either. She's also been consistent over the last 6 months that she wants her own place in London and inconsistent that we could live together.

My bolded bit.

Lrimas

elsien wrote: »

My bolded bit.

She didn't buy it though. But yes, that does change things. She showed that she wasn't commited first. You have had a lucky escape :T

Morganarla

Didn't even need to read your opening post. The title was enough for my vote. You have dodged a massive bullet.

Candyapple

E2D wrote: »

However she has taken this as a massive lack of commitment and sees this as me moving away from her. She has subsequently left me on the basis that I've got no commitment I'm selfish etc. She also seems to be hung up on the fact that we didn't discuss it. I tried to talk to her about it after I'd been to see the new builds but not reserved anything and she was not receptive in the slightest. Essentially just didn't speak to me for a few days, by which point I'd then placed a reservation fee as I didn't want to miss out. Prior to this, about 4 days before, she had been to look at buying an apartment in London, had got mortgages approved etc and had also booked to see another development so I did not see this as her being ready to make the commitment with me either. She's also been consistent over the last 6 months that she wants her own place in London and inconsistent that we could live together.

When she had been to see apartments in London and was sorting out a mortgage, did she at any point discuss this with you and what her plans were?

She can't have her cake and eat it. If she was the one who started looking for properties without consulting you first, why was she so upset when you did the same?

Sounds like poor communication between you both is a big cause as to why you've broken up.

I think you're flogging a dead horse. Her life is in London and she clearly isn't ready to move out from it yet. Leave her be and get on with your own life. You're so very young, you'll find someone else in good time.

DigForVictory

So you're young, male, single, in work, with a house in Didcot & like motorbikes?
Currently nursing a broken heart?

Let the local matrons find out that lot & discover Jane Austen was spot on the money...
You'll be fending off possibles with a wrench!

WibblyGirly

Another vote for lucky escape. After 7 months you only see other on weekends? My partner and I did that (with one midweek overnight stay alternating the houses) we got fed up and started making plans to move in together at the 3 month point. Not saying you need to move that fast but at 7 months I'd be expecting more that what you had with her.
She seems flakey and not sure of what she wants, especially when her way of handling problems is to avoid them! Enjoy your new house! Don't let this ruin what should be an exciting new chapter in your life

Primrose

I think long term you've made the right decision, ie to get on the property ladder while it,s still affordable for you. Sooner or later if you're thinking of moving in together or getting married one or the other of you might have had to change jobs and it doesn't look as if currently this is an option for either of you

You probably want slightly different things that in current circumstances don't coincide. You new house and garage seem to play to your immediate and future needs as well as your job location. You may have to accept that its u likely you'll find anything that will suit you both. Since neither of you seem able or willing to relocate your jobs to accommodate the ability to be able to live together maybe you have to accept you arnt really sufficiently meant for each other.

Enjoy the challenges of your new home. If after a while you still want to be together and can find a compromise solution maybe you could rent it out to cover the mortgage and live temporarily somewhere else but I wonder whether the commitment to take this route is really there and despite your love for her, your long term futures are not meant to be together.