Question about harassment

andrewthomas2008

Hi all,

My family member has reported her friend to the Police for unwanted contact. The former friend has agreed not to contact her again and has mentioned things to his friends in the past and she is religious.

If her ex friend mentions anything to mutual friends in regards to what she does in her private life.


Any answers on whether she could get her former friend arrested and will win in a court case if it goes that far.

Any help, will be much appreciated.

Thank you

TonyMMM

Generally people can't be prosecuted for saying something that is true - however, the way he chooses to say it may constitute harassment or another public order offence.

But if he were to be arrested, that is a certain way for the whole issue to become public and even be debated in court.

The best option may just to ignore him (and any threats).

andrewthomas2008

The issue is the former friend and has mutual friends, so she may tell others what has happened between them in the past, like parties for example.


She's worried as she doesn't want to face embarrassment.

Although the Police officier said he told the former friend should not to mention anything to anyone.

elsien

andrewthomas2008 wrote: »

The issue is the ex boyfriend and the brother of my girlfriend are friends, so he may tell him what has happened between them in the past. The brother doesn't know she was actually dating him, amongst other things.

So would he only be arrested if he tells the brother and insults her? Or can he be arrested for disclosing they were dating and within a physical relationship.

She's worried as she doesn't want to face embarrassment.

Although the Police officier said he told the ex boyfriend not to mention anything to her brother.

A harassment notice is a notice that says if you carry on doing xyz you may be charged with an offence in future. It's a warning shot across the bows. The police at this point are basically taking your partner's word for it without bothering to investigate further. Which in my opinion is not acceptable. But it happens.

Or can he be arrested for disclosing they were dating and within a physical relationship. If we're now living in a country where people can be arrested for a simple statement of the truth then there's something very wrong indeed. So my answer would be I very much hope not.

Always bear in mind that just because a police officer tells you something, that doesn't neccessarily make it accurate or correct. He may have offered some informal advice to the ex about letting things go - that is not the same as saying he would be prosecuted if he did say something to her brother.

marliepanda

Embarrassing someone is not illegal.

Gossip is not illegal.

If he mentioned in passing 'X loves Sambuca shots' or 'Me and x hooked up a few times last year if you know what I mean' is not illegal. Yes she might be embarrassed and upset, but, she did the things and people are allowed to tell the truth about such things.

Creating a placard saying these things and parading outside her mum's house? Potentially harassment.

Starting a campaign of harassment stating these things continually across social media: potentially harassment.

But just telling someone the truth about things she is hiding. No,

Out,_Vile_Jelly

If you're serious about this relationship it might be worth having a frank chat with her about what she wants, and with the brother, as if she can't be truthful with her family there are going to be all sorts of complications down the line. It is a big commitment getting involved with someone from such a different culture.

moneyistooshorttomention

I can sympathise if she's living in a typical "Western way" and her family might/would object to that.

It sounds like there is a chance she might come into conflict with her family at some point somewhere along the line - even if this ex doesnt "tell all" on this occasion.

My feeling is that sooner or later she will have to work out a suitable strategy to deal with this family of hers.

1. Is she adult age legally (ie 18 or over)?
2. Is she still financially dependant in any way on them (eg still in full-time education and living in their home)?
3. Has she any idea as to just how "strong" their response would be to finding out she is living in a "Western" way? Would it stop at verbal disapproval - or would it be one that was "stronger" and inappropriate to living in Britain (eg somewhere on the spectrum of trying to restrict her to not being allowed to go out or all the way along the spectrum to her being at risk of physical harm from them).

Obviously - I'm hoping that if their response would be that "strong"/inappropriate as for her being at risk of physical harm - then the concern is obviously as to whether she is realistic enough to know what they are like (having read some instances of girls maintaining/re-making contact with families they came from and being on the naive side and thinking they could "trust" their family more than was warranted by their particular family - and coming to harm because of misplaced trust in their family). Do you think her family would fit that category? If so - she needs to be very aware they can't be trusted.

andrewthomas2008

marliepanda wrote: »

Embarrassing someone is not illegal.

Gossip is not illegal.

If he mentioned in passing 'X loves Sambuca shots' or 'Me and x hooked up a few times last year if you know what I mean' is not illegal. Yes she might be embarrassed and upset, but, she did the things and people are allowed to tell the truth about such things.

Creating a placard saying these things and parading outside her mum's house? Potentially harassment.

Starting a campaign of harassment stating these things continually across social media: potentially harassment.

But just telling someone the truth about things she is hiding. No,

Is it a crime to show pictures?

andrewthomas2008

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

If you're serious about this relationship it might be worth having a frank chat with her about what she wants, and with the brother, as if she can't be truthful with her family there are going to be all sorts of complications down the line. It is a big commitment getting involved with someone from such a different culture.

I've tried to suggest she comes out with it before he says anything but she's adamant she doesn't want her family to know all.
She wears a hijab and her family basically believe that she's not doing those type of things at all, and obviously she's been holding this secret for years

andrewthomas2008

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

I can sympathise if she's living in a typical "Western way" and her family might/would object to that.

It sounds like there is a chance she might come into conflict with her family at some point somewhere along the line - even if this ex doesnt "tell all" on this occasion.

My feeling is that sooner or later she will have to work out a suitable strategy to deal with this family of hers.

1. Is she adult age legally (ie 18 or over)?
2. Is she still financially dependant in any way on them (eg still in full-time education and living in their home)?
3. Has she any idea as to just how "strong" their response would be to finding out she is living in a "Western" way? Would it stop at verbal disapproval - or would it be one that was "stronger" and inappropriate to living in Britain (eg somewhere on the spectrum of trying to restrict her to not being allowed to go out or all the way along the spectrum to her being at risk of physical harm from them).

Obviously - I'm hoping that if their response would be that "strong"/inappropriate as for her being at risk of physical harm - then the concern is obviously as to whether she is realistic enough to know what they are like (having read some instances of girls maintaining/re-making contact with families they came from and being on the naive side and thinking they could "trust" their family more than was warranted by their particular family - and coming to harm because of misplaced trust in their family). Do you think her family would fit that category? If so - she needs to be very aware they can't be trusted.

She is in her 40s and now lives with friends.
I doubt the family would act in a violent way but it's more a case of total embarrassment and all her secrets being revealed.

As she is religious and have family know that she's had a past of partying but not everything about her life and may be unhappy with her lifestyle. So it would be a case of string verbal disapproval.

I have spoken to her, but I'm not sure what I can tell her.

thorsoak

Your girlfriend is living a double life - playing one part to please her family and another diametrically opposed, to please herself. This does not bode well for her mental health, nor for any relationship she might have with you - or anyone else.

My advice to her would be to decide if she is brave enough to break free from her family - if that is really what she wants to do. As she is in her 30s, I assume that she is working outside the family circle - is this where she sees herself in 10, 20 years time? Or does she see herself accepting the culture of her family and conforming to it?

The ex-boyfriend threatening her with exposure could well do her a favour!