Hate being in debt

PPPv2

Hey guys, long story short me and my partner bought our first home last year. This is my first time ever being in debt, mortgage and 2 credit cards. Whilst one is on short term 0% for any new expenditure and monthly minimum payments are made other is on longer term 0% and again monthly payments made. But it's only minimum, in an ideal world I'd like to put any over time I get on to the short term credit card, then once that's paid off go to another credit card be it mine or my partner's. Here is the thing I work overtime my partner will usually spend that on something that could be done with out for now. I've tried to talk to her but she chucks back that she earns more than me, true but we have a joint everything. The house can wait for now though if we could save a grand we could get something done. I'm fed up of not being able to spend spend spend but I'd rather be credit card debt free and save to do house up.

Sorry for this just don't know what to do any more, I speak to a couple of people who understand but unfortunately for my partner she has always borrowed and I can't seem to change her mindset

a_silver_lining

Could you up the minimum payments in direct debit so that they leave the account prior as soon as wages are paid. Then decide between you how much of the 'spare money' after bills is each of yours so you feel it is more even?

EssexHebridean

First thing is that you need to get an understanding with your partner of how your finances work as a family. It's incredibly unfair of her to throw the "she earns more than you" thing at you, but as there is clearly some resentment there you do need to talk it through and iron things out I'd suggest. To me that's actually the bigger picture than the borrowing/spending.

It's tricky when one half of a partnership has been brought up that "credit is just something you use" and the other hasn't as it really does come down to one person having to just change their mindset - I totally agree with you that your way is better. You might try taking things down the "being able to overpay on the mortgage" route with her - for example we overpaid on our (quite small) mortgage, and I reckon that by paying it off in 13 years not the planned 25 we saved in the region of 60k in interest. The savings now might not be quite as good as interest rates are lower, but that was still on a mortgage of only just over 100k. There's a lot you can do with that amount of money, for sure, so might that act as a bit of a sweetener for getting her to think about things in a different way?

Fireflyaway

The fact your partner earns 1k or 100k k more than you is irrelevant. Her extra income isn't going to good use if she is using credit instead of saving. Credit cards are a dodgy road to go down. Not many of us really do pay them in full each month. The card companies make all the money from those who pay the minimum and max them out. Yeah it might be zero percent now but will you really clear them before that expires? Probably not. Most people probably dont.
How much money do you have left each month? Work out what you can save and then write a list of what you want / need and decide in what order to purchase each thing. Working together to save for something feels better than handing over the plastic and getting it immediately.
Also what happens if you lose your job? That happened to me and I defaulted and it totally messed up my credit. I couldn't get a replacement car or even a phone contract!
Maybe have a look at dave ramsey. His method makes a lot of sense. Plastic is so normal and accepted I can see why your partner isn't bothered but they is a better way.
If your partner won't reconsider then let her take responsibility for the cards and you save on your own. I bet she will change her mind once she sees you with a pile of cash!

stingey

PPPv2 wrote: »

. I'm fed up of not being able to spend spend spend but I'd rather be credit card debt free and save to do house up.

Sorry for this just don't know what to do any more, I speak to a couple of people who understand but unfortunately for my partner she has always borrowed and I can't seem to change her mindset

Absolutely get where you are coming from. My husband was the spender, tought of nothing of putting expensive items like games consoles on a CC, then only paying the minimum amount. Unfortunately he was brought up like this and his family are the same. High levels of debt horrify me and makes me sick to think I will be financially restricted for years to come.

My wage is my wage and I want to spend it or save it as I see fit.

Experience was the only thing that has started to change my husbands mindset. We had to sell the house after one of us lost our jobs (Income Protection didn't pay out), no savings and heavily in debt with over 50 grand in loans overdrafts and CC.

Over the past few years he's slowly changed the way he thinks. A 2nd job and he's overpaying on the Cc and we're overpaying on a Loan. We've managed to get rid of 3 credit cards and 3 overdrafts and in about 18 months time we will be £700 per month better off.

You can try to convince people till your blue in the face but until you experience it won't change your thinking. How many of us on this board had people telling US we were too in debt and didn't listen?

Dobbibill

Persuading someone to have the same mindset to money as you can be a challenge.

For house savings (I assume it's your joint house) add a savings amount to the joint bills - it is after all a bill, as is an emergency fund.

Set up SOs to move that from the main account to a savings account for that purpose (it doesn't matter which name it's in if there's trust & honesty in the relationship).

Keep sole accounts for your personal spends - not every single thing has to be joint. Whether you agree £x goes into the bills account each out of wages or £x spending each out of joint income is up to you but there are ways of splitting the money up so you both get what you want out of it.

My bills account gets topped up each month for gas, lecci, c.tax, mortgage, emergency fund, house repairs, car ins pot etc etc - just because it's not a DD doesn't make it not a bill

Scrimps

I agree with the above. You need to sit down and decide a budget together. You'll probably argue for the first attempt but you do need to budget. That way if your partner buys something for the house and it's come out of the 'stuff for the house' budget then you shouldn't complain.
However if she buys something and there's no budget.... I guess it comes out of her own spending money then doesn't it.

We didn't used to budget but we do now. When we didn't my husband was very stubborn with me, if I wanted a rug for the lounge and he didnt want one...well I could just go and buy one out of my own money then, not out of the joint finances.

And never throw the 'i earn more than you' in your face again...that's just unacceptable.
It also demonstrates that she is not ready to have joint everything finances. Perhaps just put an equal amount in for bills and keep your own money as your own.

Scrimps

I should add that my husband was right to be stubborn back then, we had credit card debt and it was stupid of me to be buying unnecessary things.

Lauralou79

Sounds like you need to have separate finances and maybe joint for House related, bills, savings for Emergancy fund/diy. Then at least you can keep track of your own money.
When we bought our house we kept separate accounts and just share the bills etc. We spend and save money differently so makes sense to have our own. We have no debt though, apart from the mortgage.

Onebrokelady

I think you should have separate accounts for your own money and just a joint account for the bills,so any of your wages left over after paying your share are yours to do what you want with,you can save your money up for what ever you want to and she can use hers for her own spending,who uses the CCS because I think whoever is suing them should pay them unless it's things for the house that you have both agreed on