Can my daughter throw me out of my home?

need_an_answer

hazyjo wrote: »

Something doesn't add up here, that's for sure.


OP - why spend all your life savings on a house that is and never will be yours (even if you thought it was 'forever'), yet wouldn't buy yourself a house outright as it would mean using all your savings? :huh:

possibly with the intention of leaving the daughter with an upfront inheritance.
if it were the daughters suggestion then that scenario may fit.

mother trying to do "right" and assuming daughter will honour pledge.

deprivation of assets crossed my mind also.

lisyloo

why spend all your life savings on a house that is and never will be yours

One reason for giving away all your money is to pass on inheritance and avoid paying for care in old age.

AdrianC

lisyloo wrote: »

One reason for giving away all your money is to pass on inheritance and avoid paying for care in old age.

How often do we see people asking for suggestions here, with that precise stated intention? Regularly!

Clutterfree

hazyjo wrote: »

Something doesn't add up here, that's for sure.


OP - why spend all your life savings on a house that is and never will be yours (even if you thought it was 'forever'), yet wouldn't buy yourself a house outright as it would mean using all your savings? :huh:

I *think* the OP meant if she'd have spent all her money buying a property outright then there would be no savings left to do it up.

By giving her daughter more than enough for a deposit, her daughter bought it with a buy to let mortgage.

This then left the OP with enough money (her savings) to do up the house.

She didn't mind spending her savings because she thought she'd be living there for the rest of her life.

If the OP had known she wasn't unable to live there for the rest of her life, as agreed verbally with her daughter, then she wouldn't have entered into the agreement or spent the money doing it up.

Shame nothing was agreed in writing via a solicitor.

lisyloo

AdrianC wrote: »

How often do we see people asking for suggestions here, with that precise stated intention? Regularly!

As it happens we are trying to find an LA funded care home for FIL right now.

The LA have suggested 2.
One is filthy, stinks and residents had dressing hanging off. SIL said "over my dead body" and meant it.
The other is sufficiently far away that there is a real possibility that MIL (90) and FIL (89) would never see each other again (he can't currently get into a car). LA team do not care about this only the cost.
They said the LA funded home for MIL is too expensive for FIL !!

Off topic but people trying to save money this way should be aware that finding a home with a good standard of care, close to family and within LA budget is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and some are absolutely appauling (this is where I think people without families to stand up for them end up).

Our parents did not try to avoid, but FIL might be going back home so we are unable to sell it.

soolin

lisyloo wrote: »

As it happens we are trying to find an LA funded care home for FIL right now.

The LA have suggested 2.
One is filthy, stinks and residents had dressing hanging off. SIL said "over my dead body" and meant it.
The other is sufficiently far away that there is a real possibility that MIL (90) and FIL (89) would never see each other again (he can't currently get into a car). LA team do not care about this only the cost.
They said the LA funded home for MIL is too expensive for FIL !!

Off topic but people trying to save money this way should be aware that finding a home with a good standard of care, close to family and within LA budget is like trying to find a needle in a haystack and some are absolutely appauling (this is where I think people without families to stand up for them end up).

Our parents did not try to avoid, but FIL might be going home so we are unable to sell it.

A good point and one I wish people would consider.

My father was Self funded everyone told me how much of a shame it was as he'd saved all his life and now was having to pay for care. However, I moved him from one London Borough that had the most appalling council places and even sent people a considerable distant to a different county to save council costs. Instead he moved to where I lived, I chose a home, I had a choice of rooms and options for him and he spent his last remaining years near to my own home with staff that he loved, OK he didn't know me (severe vascular dementia) but I truly believe he had better care than the state funded one in the original borough where the elderly spent time alone in their rooms due to diminished staff numbers and other patients with violent disorders.

All we lost was money that I would otherwise have inherited, what sort of daughter would I have been to have put my inheritance before my fathers comfort?

Sorry, off topic , but if people could have seen the difference in the care dad was offered as a temporary measure in a home associated with a mental hospital , and what I found for him close to me I think they would be shocked. The very fact that they wanted him to go into a mixed adult ability home with patients that were considered dangerous, instead of a lovely homely place that only catered for older people with dementia.

silvercar

An added complication is that if the tenancy agreement specifies a higher rent than has been paid, Mum risks being evicted for rent arrears.

[Deleted User]

We can't really advise you. Just don't have enough information.

You need to take all the paperwork money transfers, bills for repairs etc, texts you have discussing arrangements when you transferred the money over), anything at all that shows what the intentions were. I know you said it was verbal but I hope you have something even via text messages. Find out a way to recall old texts if you have to.

Then go to a solicitor. This is £70k we are talking about. You earn enough to pay for a couple of appts with a property solicitor to see what your situation is. Then you will be able to make a decision.

But also talk to your daughter. Show her the paperwork/remind her of the agreement, Try and agree that if you leave the property you should get your investment back. Keep your OH out of the discussion, keep it down to strictly just you and her.

But if there is a way to move out and get your money back, I should take it..,you can't have this being held over your head.

I am sorry you are in this situation but no matter how flat the pancake, it still has two sides. There must be a reason the daughter is acting in this way. You need to acknowledge that. I don't think it can just be the ex.

parkrunner

parkrunner wrote: »

Why not, she's treating you like a piece of dirt.

need_an_answer wrote: »

no shes not treating her mother badly,she's punishing her for the company she keeps.

It's very hard to disown a child,but it's also very difficult for a child to see a parent potentially "throwing their life away" with someone who isn't dad and isn't any good for their mother,in the childs eyes.

There are 2 sides here and I don't actually think either is being fair on the other.

Mum, whats stopping you making a home with the ex away from your daughter and the house she seems to covert?

You seem to have missed all that happened prior to the mother and her ex getting back together. The false promises that had already been broken before the reunion.

FBaby

It was their idea, I had split up with a long term partner and I had £87k equity, she knew that, I was looking to buy a property outright but it would have left me with no savings,

Something doesn't ring right here. You've lived there for 2 years so must have sold not long before that. So how can you then say you've split up with him 8 years ago and have know your current partner for many years? Or is there another partner in the middle?

As we don't know anything about your partner's crime, it's hard to comment as to whether your daughter as good reasons or not to be concerned about him moving in. However, there are many stories about boyfriends who move in, pay nothing, but when things go sour, refuse to leave saying that they have a right to be there, even when their name is not on the tenancy. Getting them out through court can be a complete nightmare. Maybe your daughter has concerns that this could happen.

I will get an appointment with a solicitor asap and yes I will move out at the end of my tennancy agreement but I want my £45000 back plus tenants improvements percentage less the underpayment of rent. I think thats really fair.

That seems like a fair compromise and definitely one to suggest to her.