Taking my ex to court

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

How long have you been married OP?

John-K_3

I wonder how common views such as the OPs are nowadays. Choosing to divorce her husband, and expects him to be happy to keep her living as she did previously, even though he will be nothing like as well off as he once was.

It just makes no sense. Why, if you are divorcing someone, would they want to keep paying for you? For the children, yes, of course, but why would the ex-wife not expect to cut her cloth according to her needs?

Sky_

Surely if he has 50% shared custody then he should have the children 3.5 days and nights per week. At the moment he is still using you for free childcare on the days he is meant to be responsible for the children, which is really unfair on you and them. Between this, paying less maintenance for '50% shared custody' and him being unwilling to change the days he has them to be helpful to you, he is kinda having his cake and eating it! What would he say if you expected him to look after the children every weekday, so that you can work full time?!

He needs to step up to the plate regarding childcare on 'his' days and I'd ask for a compromise on which days he has them--one day is chosen to fit in with you and one is his choice. Both these changes will help you to look for more work--maybe work ad-hoc agency days in your profession, or a second part time job, until a suitable full-time job is available.

Whatever led to the break up, compromise has to be the way forward, for both of you.

prowla

John-K wrote: »

I wonder how common views such as the OPs are nowadays. Choosing to divorce her husband, and expects him to be happy to keep her living as she did previously, even though he will be nothing like as well off as he once was.

It just makes no sense. Why, if you are divorcing someone, would they want to keep paying for you? For the children, yes, of course, but why would the ex-wife not expect to cut her cloth according to her needs?

I was wondering that too...

iammumtoone

Sky_ wrote: »

Surely if he has 50% shared custody then he should have the children 3.5 days and nights per week. At the moment he is still using you for free childcare on the days he is meant to be responsible for the children, which is really unfair on you and them. Between this, paying less maintenance for '50% shared custody' and him being unwilling to change the days he has them to be helpful to you, he is kinda having his cake and eating it! What would he say if you expected him to look after the children every weekday, so that you can work full time?!

He needs to step up to the plate regarding childcare on 'his' days and

^^ I touched on this earlier but the point seems to have got lost in everyone thinking the OP is being unreasonable in not adjusting their lifestyle.

Whilst that may be the case the ex is also being unreasonable expecting the OP to provide free childcare.

iammumtoone

John-K wrote: »

I wonder how common views such as the OPs are nowadays. Choosing to divorce her husband, and expects him to be happy to keep her living as she did previously, even though he will be nothing like as well off as he once was.

If you read the thread the OP says in this case it is not them that has chosen this path. Whilst that doesn't 't make any difference either way, if you look at it like you are, then it should work both ways the husband has walked so by the way of your thinking they should pay more.

Cheeky_Monkey

Hello.kitty wrote: »

I am sorry but I don't understand what you mean?

I meant that if you continue with your claim for spousal maintenance on top of all the other money you will be getting, you may force his hand and find yourself in Court fighting a custody battle that he can probably afford and you can't.

FBaby

Mmm, I think this is an add on to the thread about OP having an issue with her ex new girlfriend looking after their baby now that she has started a childminding business.

If that's the case, then you case is very weak. If you are earning a good income working only 2 days, then the only reason you are struggling is because you are opting not to work more hours.

If indeed you have qualifications and a good job, albeit reduced income for working less than 1/2 FT hours, then I really can't see a judge agreeing to spousal maintenance. Your mediator is clearly taking side and providing dubious advice.

John-K_3

iammumtoone wrote: »

If you read the thread the OP says in this case it is not them that has chosen this path. Whilst that doesn't 't make any difference either way, if you look at it like you are, then it should work both ways the husband has walked so by the way of your thinking they should pay more.

No, that does not follow at all. Both expect to have a drop in lifestyle. Neither can expect to keep the same way of living that they did before. Where before there was one houehold to run, ow ther are two.

Do you honestly think that the OP gets to divorce and not take any drop in her quality of life? Should it all come on the husband?

Why?

LilElvis

FBaby wrote: »

Mmm, I think this is an add on to the thread about OP having an issue with her ex new girlfriend looking after their baby now that she has started a childminding business.

If that's the case, then you case is very weak. If you are earning a good income working only 2 days, then the only reason you are struggling is because you are opting not to work more hours.

If indeed you have qualifications and a good job, albeit reduced income for working less than 1/2 FT hours, then I really can't see a judge agreeing to spousal maintenance. Your mediator is clearly taking side and providing dubious advice.

Quite possibly. Below is my comment from that thread, noting it's similarity, though from the opposing viewpoint, to another thread around that time.

LilElvis wrote: »

I'm surprised no one has noticed yet that this thread appears to be written by the husband of another poster who started her thread a month ago:

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5772292

Note the similarities:
Wife works 2 days a week and refuses to do more
Children age 1 and 6
New partner wants to be a childminder
50/50 custody
Adulterous husband now with woman he had affair with
Both spouses now have new partners
Husband refuses to allow wife's new partner into marital home because he's paying for it

As the frequent mantra on this board is "we're only getting one side of the story" it's quite clever trolling to give us the other side's view.