An update on me

pollyanna_26

Do SAMH offer the same service as SAMM dekaspace ? I had to google SAMH , It seems to be a Scotland based MH charity .

SAMM is nationwide and is offers support after murder and manslaughter which is the reason both Pyxsis and I recommended it .
polly

seven-day-weekend

Good luck with your interview Dekaspace and it will help if you can look at the interviewer. Look at his/her forehead if you can't look into his/her eyes, they won't notice the difference. (This can apply in your daily life too).

bmthmark

With regards to exercise, I was in a similar situation to you. I struggled to get to a gym (my issue mainly cost) and I did eat bad stuff.

In the end I felt I needed to change my life around. I started running (very hard at first), this was perfect for me as I could go when I wanted and take my time and no one judged me. I also felt it cleared my mind and I really started to enjoy it.
I struggled at first but as time went on my fitness improved and it just got easier. Now I try and run 5k 3 times a week.
Maybe look at Couch to 5k websites https://www.nhs.uk/LiveWell/c25k/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx

I also improved my diet by cutting out junk food, I try and eat home cooked food (lots of chicken and veg). Cutting out junk food was really hard but it does save a lot of cash.

dekaspace

bmthmark wrote: »

With regards to exercise, I was in a similar situation to you. I struggled to get to a gym (my issue mainly cost) and I did eat bad stuff.

In the end I felt I needed to change my life around. I started running (very hard at first), this was perfect for me as I could go when I wanted and take my time and no one judged me. I also felt it cleared my mind and I really started to enjoy it.
I struggled at first but as time went on my fitness improved and it just got easier. Now I try and run 5k 3 times a week.
Maybe look at Couch to 5k websites https://www.nhs.uk/LiveWell/c25k/Pages/couch-to-5k.aspx

I also improved my diet by cutting out junk food, I try and eat home cooked food (lots of chicken and veg). Cutting out junk food was really hard but it does save a lot of cash.

Not making excuses but i have never been able to run, even when I was skinny as a rake, seems to be common in autistic people I don't know why the only time I could was when I went to the gym when I was 18 even then it was more like jogging I honestly don't understand it that being said I liked the treadmill at the gym.

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

Do SAMH offer the same service as SAMM dekaspace ? I had to google SAMH , It seems to be a Scotland based MH charity .

SAMM is nationwide and is offers support after murder and manslaughter which is the reason both Pyxsis and I recommended it .
polly

SAMH is a Scottish based mental health scheme that does things like befriending/support workers my friend the one with severe MH problems got 3 months free gym from them I have always had a terrible short term memory myself but amazing long term made worse of course by the anxiety/depression the times I remember is like when im passing as its next to my current/soon to be old doctor

Ames

dekaspace wrote: »

Not making excuses but i have never been able to run, even when I was skinny as a rake, seems to be common in autistic people I don't know why the only time I could was when I went to the gym when I was 18 even then it was more like jogging I honestly don't understand it that being said I liked the treadmill at the gym.



SAMH is a Scottish based mental health scheme that does things like befriending/support workers my friend the one with severe MH problems got 3 months free gym from them I have always had a terrible short term memory myself but amazing long term made worse of course by the anxiety/depression the times I remember is like when im passing as its next to my current/soon to be old doctor

The first paragraph is an example of why people say you automatically think negatively. Instead of 'not making excuses but I can't' and then giving an example of what you can do, you could see it as 'I liked the treadmill even though I can't run unsupported'. People then might be able to build on that to make other suggestions.

The second paragraph, that sounds good but I think you're missing the point of what the other posters said. They're trying to suggest places you can get very specific help with one of the big things causing you problems - the murder of your relative. That's why they're suggesting an organisation that helps the relatives of victims of murder. If you deal with that and the fallout from it, which is clearly still affecting you, then maybe you can move on.

dekaspace

Ames wrote: »

The first paragraph is an example of why people say you automatically think negatively. Instead of 'not making excuses but I can't' and then giving an example of what you can do, you could see it as 'I liked the treadmill even though I can't run unsupported'. People then might be able to build on that to make other suggestions.

The second paragraph, that sounds good but I think you're missing the point of what the other posters said. They're trying to suggest places you can get very specific help with one of the big things causing you problems - the murder of your relative. That's why they're suggesting an organisation that helps the relatives of victims of murder. If you deal with that and the fallout from it, which is clearly still affecting you, then maybe you can move on.

And I thought I would respond, hence me mentioning it seems I have always been that way was to say why I struggled with it in the past.

I never meant I can't do something as much as I struggle at it, and I mentioned treadmill to show both something I am good at and to show its possible,also since that involves running/pacing I should be bad at that given my history but for some reason im not and excel at it. I wasn't being negative there at all not that I won't try unless you mean me talking about how people with autism often do badly at sports that was a genuine query of mine I never understood how if someone isn't physically different (just "wired" differenly) why are they bad at sports? It is a genuine interest as even at school my running speed was peoples slow jog speed I never understood that and still don't..

And the second point, was me taking in what they said then saying what I originally thought they were referring to, im not stupid it was they asked what SAMH was and on top I mentioned why I forgot in past.

My thought process is like problem solving, I "debate" the matter in my head giving facts based on historical data.

I mean I could say I can't do certain jobs, that wouldn't be true or untrue, but if I did a warehouse of factory work it would take a long time to get the minimum level of quality, I could still be doing the job though.

I didn't mean I cant exercise but I meant I can't physically run consistently, as in I may run for a bus, I may run to my friends I meant that in the sense of what may at first seem like stamina, me going full pelt im barely above walking speed even when I was skinny and went to the gym, not that I didn't enjoy a run but it never came to me naturally or with going to the gym which is why I instead when I go to the gym use treadmill (and bike) its like the reason I don't use a normal bike is I can't balance myself not that I don't like riding a bike (but the difference there is on a bike I would topple over) id you know 12 years ago I did a fundraising thing where I spent 4 hours running round a lake, me and a friend were only ones who finished it, we beat out teenagers and people who liked to exercise.

And I used the terminology not able to rather than "can't" because I can do something but its not to a good level.

Ames

I'm not talking about how good/bad you are at sport or various activities. I'm talking about the way you framed your answer. The negative parts came first, and the 'oh but I can use a treadmill' was almost an afterthought. It wasn't the content of your reply, but the order you used. It shows that you think of the negatives first, and give them a higher priority than the positives.

As I said in an earlier post - it's absolutely natural to do that. There are evolutionary reasons why the brain dwells on negatives more than positives. But when you don't even realise you do it (even when several people have pointed it out), and when you just get stuck in the negative loop, then it's destructive and holding you back.

I've been having counselling for a few months and it's something I do, and it causes me all kinds of problems. I am starting, very slowly, to recognise it in myself and try and stop it.

As for the actual content of your post. If you want to run or cycle then there are ways. Maybe your balance problems wouldn't be so bad if you used a trike. Or if you liked running on a treadmill but don't like the gym maybe you could try and get one to use at home?

Are there any disability sports groups near you? I've started going to a couple and there's no negative comments, no judgmental people, in fact there's a lot of support.

*max*

Everything on this thread is about what you can't do, it seems. Yet you have plenty of examples to deny that you can't do it, despite being perfectly able to.

"I never meant I can't do something as much as I struggle at it, and I mentioned treadmill to show both something I am good at and to show its possible,also since that involves running/pacing I should be bad at that given my history but for some reason im not and excel at it."

Nobody excels at anything when they first try it, and not even when they've been doing it for ages. Everybody struggles! You don't need to "excel" at running to run. You just go out and run! Or you find a suitable gym, and use the treadmill.

You have so many excuses for everything.

pollyanna_26

This is a very quick reply dekaspace . I need to be up very early tomorrow .
I think you need to understand that you are mentioning so many different issues when focusing on the most urgent matters is the best way to move forward .
I asked yet again about SAMM as to me that seems a positive step .
Some of the posters here I know from other threads you've posted . Others are possibly unaware of the back story so make suggestions they feel will help .
Using threads to express your natural frustration isn't really moving things forward in a positive way . I know you need an outlet to vent but that means it doesn't lead anywhere helpful .
The fact you repeat various stuff from the past over different threads proves only the right intervention and effective support will begin to change things .
You and I have had many a chat in the past and i would like to see good things start to happen for you . it must be exhausting and unhelpful for your mental health to keep posting all these frustrations and the pain of past events .
Try talking to the people trained to start helping you . It's your choice what you post here but apart from allowing you a voice do you really feel it's helping you at all ?
That's a genuine question not being judgemental .
polly

dekaspace

pollyanna_26 wrote: »

This is a very quick reply dekaspace . I need to be up very early tomorrow .
I think you need to understand that you are mentioning so many different issues when focusing on the most urgent matters is the best way to move forward .
I asked yet again about SAMM as to me that seems a positive step .
Some of the posters here I know from other threads you've posted . Others are possibly unaware of the back story so make suggestions they feel will help .
Using threads to express your natural frustration isn't really moving things forward in a positive way . I know you need an outlet to vent but that means it doesn't lead anywhere helpful .
The fact you repeat various stuff from the past over different threads proves only the right intervention and effective support will begin to change things .
You and I have had many a chat in the past and i would like to see good things start to happen for you . it must be exhausting and unhelpful for your mental health to keep posting all these frustrations and the pain of past events .
Try talking to the people trained to start helping you . It's your choice what you post here but apart from allowing you a voice do you really feel it's helping you at all ?
That's a genuine question not being judgemental .
polly

Your post made me think of another way of what people see as negative responses, its like routes to a destination, I tried route A but didn't get far, I tried route B and it may of worked short term but then was more congested, im never good at explaining those sort of things but thats how I view life, people give suggestions and I have tried the exact or variations of things in the past. people think thats me being negative when in fact its me saying like "route A and B didn't work, for route C lets try a different approach, if that doesnt work lets try combinations of different routes" for this thats like saying diet is a priority, or routine is a priority, or sleep is a priority actually they could be routes A-C route D would be mental health, route D is the main goal but can be sidetracked into A-C, basically I think the mental health is the priority and once something solid is in place for that, the others will be easier to treat.

I thought I was clear about SAMM, I thought you meant SAMH originally so that was what I approached then forgot to follow up so I haven't done anything with SAMM.

*max* wrote: »

Everything on this thread is about what you can't do, it seems. Yet you have plenty of examples to deny that you can't do it, despite being perfectly able to.

"I never meant I can't do something as much as I struggle at it, and I mentioned treadmill to show both something I am good at and to show its possible,also since that involves running/pacing I should be bad at that given my history but for some reason im not and excel at it."

Nobody excels at anything when they first try it, and not even when they've been doing it for ages. Everybody struggles! You don't need to "excel" at running to run. You just go out and run! Or you find a suitable gym, and use the treadmill.

You have so many excuses for everything.

Who says I haven't or don't intend to try? Does it make you feel better to accuse people of excuses and give exactly zero advice?

Can't tell if that was a trolling response or not since I mentioned using the treadmill, I mentioned getting free gym pass and who says you need to "excel" I was talking about me going full blast but say the equivalent of 1mph and stopping every few minutes, thats not very efficent so instead a treadmill is better since I know I can go on that for very long periods.

Ames wrote: »

I'm not talking about how good/bad you are at sport or various activities. I'm talking about the way you framed your answer. The negative parts came first, and the 'oh but I can use a treadmill' was almost an afterthought. It wasn't the content of your reply, but the order you used. It shows that you think of the negatives first, and give them a higher priority than the positives.

As I said in an earlier post - it's absolutely natural to do that. There are evolutionary reasons why the brain dwells on negatives more than positives. But when you don't even realise you do it (even when several people have pointed it out), and when you just get stuck in the negative loop, then it's destructive and holding you back.

I've been having counselling for a few months and it's something I do, and it causes me all kinds of problems. I am starting, very slowly, to recognise it in myself and try and stop it.

As for the actual content of your post. If you want to run or cycle then there are ways. Maybe your balance problems wouldn't be so bad if you used a trike. Or if you liked running on a treadmill but don't like the gym maybe you could try and get one to use at home?

Are there any disability sports groups near you? I've started going to a couple and there's no negative comments, no judgmental people, in fact there's a lot of support.

Isn't saying "I am not very good at X but good at Y" the correct order, I mean if I said I am good at treadmill but below average at running seem strange to write?

And if I didnt mention the treadmill at all wouldn't that be the negative since I thought of something im not that good at but mentioned something productive that I am good at?

And since it was running that was brought up thats the one I focused on

So confusing.

I don't know if it will help at all but think of things like when I write things I am in mid part of the situation, like I may have already attempted A, be mid way through B, and have C to go, people mention A as something to do but if I say I have done that already people will bring up I should try it again or making excuses.

A can't win situation.

So people think im dwelling on the negative when at most thats a half truth, im giving statements based on experience in my life, because these experiences may of bad it seems I am dwelling on the negative, and of course since I have anxiety and mh problems I will have more bad days then good therefore it seems I am dwelling on negatives with that.

By the way for a bike, the only times I have not fallen off instantly was on a small bike, don't take this bit as a negative but even when I was slim my build made it hard for anything but big bikes to be usable but big bikes were the ones I had balance problems with, its a nightmare, its not that I gave up as such with that but apart from my teen years always lived in towns so no need to bike anywhere I just walked or got a bus, I used to walk as much as 3 miles to supermarket a few times a week and same back as found it fun to do (and the bargains helped as well)

Let me be honest with you, what happened over the years was that when the problems began I started preparing for a rainy day of sorts, I used to live day to day in a fun way not that I splashed the cash when I got wages or student money but for student one for example id go on a night out or two early on, upgrade something like a tv (not meaning new, top of range but even in 2001 bought a £80 used tv as a upgrade over a £30 old tv) the money I had pretty much lasted all semester but by end I was living off psata, chopped tomatoes etc.

These days I just don't spend money, I fill up freezer with yellow sticker stuff, I have backlog of cheap video games, books, basically if I wanted to I can lock the door and not go out for a month and not even need to use the internet. Thats how my personality has changed, id always be wary of money but if I felt like a night out and I had the funds even if say my weekly income after bills was £40 a week and I spent £30 id know I have £10 left for food and such, now I can say get more money and spend less than ever, its the same reasons I don't leave the house or travel, or play video games, or watch movies, my brain has gone into a standby mode which makes recovery worse since I need to be doing these things to feel better, add to that when I do get some activity in brain the other reason I do nothing is that my brain gets confused and wants to do everything at once thats also the reason for my bad diet as I starve all day as don't feel hungry, if I do force myself to eat during the day my brain instead switches off the sensor so to speak so its hard to stop eating, another reason why I eat a Subway is because as its out of the house now I have eaten theres no desire to eat more because that costs money.

Sorry not meaning that to sound negative if it comes across but saying thats my thought processes.